I have recently fallen into a serious self-regularity.
I am a full-time mother and two babies!
An elementary school, a kindergarten.
I have been 35+ and have not worked for two years. I thought it shouldn’t be too difficult to find a job, but it turned out that I was hitting a wall everywhere!

I force myself to calm down and study. My husband always interrupts me and asks me to do this and that for him, saying why I learn those useless things? I want to start a business. My husband said that I am not that piece of material. Don’t waste that money; I have no direction and do housework at home. My husband said that I do nothing and am not self-motivated. My self-motivatedness has been denied by him, so there is more? ! If I don’t do something well, he will be scolded by him. It’s okay on the phone. I can choose not to listen. I’m unlucky at home and I can’t choose. I was angry, and quarreled with him. He said that I can’t do anything with his food and drink his food, and I’m not obedient! Should I be like a dog with me? ! I want to divorce. Even if it is sleeping on the street, he won’t let him raise it. He disagrees, how can he disagree. I am a free nanny, a punching bag, of course he will weigh the pros and cons. I often educate me: “Women like you should be beaten to death in feudal society.” “Men like you shouldn’t get married and have children. They are suitable for loneliness!” I returned him. His uncle! Still old feudal thinking, still thinking about polygamy, but also male chauvinism! He scolded me for doing bad things and asked him to do it, but the result was not as good as me, and I found various reasons to justify it. Double-standard men make people vomit blood!

I really want to leave alone. I can’t live without it. I go out to work by myself, but I don’t want to have children. What a cowardly woman!

I am 38 years old, have a master’s degree in 985, and my child is 7 years old. Just finished 20 months full-time, 2 months after entering the new job. I changed my career completely. I used to be in the financial industry. Because my child went to school from the Imperial Capital to Tianjin, I resigned. During the period, because of various chores, I did not take the initiative to find a job, my resume was hung up, I occasionally contacted by headhunters, and had interviews, but none was successful. I don’t want to work in my old business, and my old business doesn’t look down on me. The business ability is not so outstanding, and she is an older middle-aged woman. So I was at ease to take the children full-time at home, liberating my parents-in-law. After staying at home for a few months, I felt very depressed. My parents smashed the pot and sold iron for me to go to college, so I watched the children at home. Although you can comfort yourself, mothers take good care of their children, and the parent-child relationship is good, but they still can’t stand the guilt. I set up a self-media account, read and write articles, let myself do something, and occasionally earn a la carte money; register for the judicial examination, thinking that it will always come in handy, and also want to prove that I am not decadent. I also thought about starting a business. I would die after I settled the bills. It is hard to make money and risky, so I might as well find a way to find a job. Later, I found my current job as a text editor. It is not related to my old business, but related to the self-media account that I wrote when I was at home full-time. The treatment is definitely not allowed before, but at any rate you don’t have to pay social security by yourself. I should have all the feelings you have, and the only thing I am better than you is the attitude of my husband. I suggest that you think about it carefully, will you return to your old business or change your career in the future? Find your own interests, abilities, specialties, combine your time and energy, and do it first if you don’t make money, find something for yourself, and improve your abilities. Husband’s attitude is indeed not good, but you have to be considerate of him. There is also his pressure to support a family alone. Talk well, don’t get sulking yourself, men sometimes lack roots and need to talk openly and honestly. Do you want to act without anxiety, even if you just look at the secretary and take notes? If your husband doesn’t support him, just follow him. You get better and better, and he won’t be irritable. This society is not friendly to older women, but the road always has to go by yourself. It’s no use complaining about anyone, just do it!

zhiwo

By zhiwo

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helpmekim
7 months ago

You just haven’t worked for two years. How can you define yourself as a “35-year-old full-time mother”? What were you doing before full-time? Have at least 10 years of work experience, right? Are these years of work experience not enough to give you a career label? Even if you are really a full-time mother, you have raised two children, at least in terms of parenting experience, it is possible to learn an education certificate and become an early teacher, right? Raising two children, compared to many little girls, they will be more patient and understand human nature. Shopping guides and supermarket salesmen in the neighborhood of the community are all jobs. As far as I know, the income is not low. I think many shopping guides in supermarkets are now 50-year-old aunts, especially in the food area. They are good at selling things. The last few times I bought things that exceeded my budget, they were all sold to me by my aunts. Can we do these jobs in our 30s? A distant relative with a junior high school education is a shopping guide for a home textile shop, with a basic salary of 3,000 or 4,000 + commission, and a small income in the peak season. You want to start a business but your husband doesn’t support it. What if you want to sell in the industry you want to do? After you become familiar with the industry and prove your ability with performance, will your husband still object to it like this? I am now 31+ and I am pregnant with my second child. I feel that after having a second child, it is not suitable for my current position because I work more overtime. I’m considering taking a certificate for a real estate agent, or learning about education and training such as positive discipline. The advantage of learning, education and training is that it can be applied to one’s own childcare and combined with childcare. Real estate agent, because my current job belongs to real estate service, which is a job change without changing jobs, so I can avoid some detours. And your husband is willing to let you be full-time, which is better than many families. At least you have been living on your husband’s income for so long. It is okay for you to make a little less for the time being. For example, you can tell your husband that you have already found a job, and the salary is very small for one month during the probation period, but in fact you went to study in a library or the like. Then you can use this time to enter the work mode, chat with your former colleagues and bosses, take some training courses for your previous work skills, or find your own advantages/disadvantages, participate in some training exchanges and the like. I’m very touched when it comes to this. I participated in a voice training class (offline) this year. I just wanted to get rid of my problem of talking too fast. I didn’t expect to join a community. Many of the people who participated in this training were middle-aged freelancers. They My life state has inspired me a lot, including self-development and children’s education. Don’t be anxious, and don’t be led by your husband. You have to know what you want to do and believe that you can do it. The difference between 6 points and 8 points at most. Tell her husband, no matter what you say, I will go out to work. If you are willing to cooperate, we will negotiate, and if you are unwilling to cooperate, then we will fight. When I go out to work, you have one less babysitter, but one more comrade-in-arms. You are making money.

heloword
7 months ago

I am a career planner and have coached many clients in their career transitions. I was also a senior HRM with more than 10 years of work experience. Briefly talk about my views, I hope it will be helpful to you. 1. I am also a female. Although I am not a full-time mother myself, many of the clients who have come to me for career counseling in the past two years are women, and many of them are full-time mothers. After reading your description, it feels very real and tells a lot of the sufferings of full-time mothers. Since becoming a mother, everyone has a feeling that their space and time have been compressed, and they have even lost themselves, let alone a sense of value! Therefore, finding a job has become a way out for many full-time mothers. But many people have not been to work for a long time. The workplace is a place where core strengths are valued. You do not have outstanding skills and require time to take care of your baby. Companies would rather choose fresh graduates to do well, and the burden is small. This is the point of confusion for full-time mothers. I think you have it too. 2. Be yourself first. A full-time mother may have lost yourself for a long, long time, so my suggestion is to find yourself first. For what you can do, what you are good at, and what you like, there is a process of self-analysis. There may not necessarily be an answer, but this process is the beginning of you re-examining yourself, re-focusing on your inner needs, and loving yourself again. 3. Objectively assess your own abilities and status quo, and systematically sort out your life planning. Full-time mothers are not useless. Many of my full-time mothers’ students will marvel at the fact that they have so many abilities in the consultation process. This in itself is a very difficult job. For example, some of my clients worked as family educators after consulting and sorting out, some became organizers, and some returned to work in the enterprise. . . . You are not without any ability, you just lack the eyes to see yourself. 4. After sorting out your abilities, you need to connect with external workplaces to see what kind of positions your abilities and resources can help you hold. Here also consider the life state you want and the ideal life you expect. Therefore, I suggest you do more exploration and understanding of the external workplace. This is also one of the card points for many full-time mothers. Because they have been out of the workplace for too long and have too little knowledge of external occupations, they cannot make career positioning. 5. Recommend my 2 career planning articles to you, which contain the main points of self-exploration, you can try it out by yourself first. If you need professional support, you can career planner Sun Xiaona

helpyme
7 months ago

As a professional planner with 20 years of consulting and management experience in finance, real estate, and Internet industries, I will try to answer your question. Your description reminds me of my consulting client Rui Ning. If you say that the beginning of middle age is to see that life is uncontrollable, and as the age grows, the true meaning of middle age that Rui Ning has realized is that life is A process of slowly accepting reality. Rui Ning talked about her marriage, she called it “a game in peace”. I talked to her husband about the change of her career. The husband thinks that her current job is very good. This is good because he and the outside world define it well, but it is not what she wants. “He thinks what I want is luxury. And I think it’s a necessity.” In her middle-aged marriage, she suddenly realized that when she was young, the other party would give you something that she particularly liked. It would be a pleasant surprise; after the age of 35, he can say what you want to say, which is the biggest surprise. It’s really not easy for the mother of 2 children. Ruining is also the mother of 2 children. After giving birth, she realized two things: she had something that she was afraid of losing, and at the same time she had to accept that “the child is according to his rules. Rather than grow according to your expectations.” “What kind of child you will meet in life.” She said to me. After becoming a mother, Wu Ruining felt that she was a-very bad mother. The frustration started when she left the delivery room. She has been denying herself all the time. I believe her situation is similar to yours. Going back to your case, how do you find a job that suits you that can take care of family and career? First, reshape the role cognition. In the same life stage, people may play multiple roles, so there will be overlaps between roles. But because of the different phases of life tasks, the resources and time allocated to each role will be different. Take the role of housekeeper as an example. This role can also be subdivided into: husband and wife, parents, grandparents and other roles. Suppose you get married at the age of 30. Before that, you allocated most of your energy to the role of worker. After you get married, you will be a husband and wife, and you have to allocate energy to this role in life. If you have a baby, you have to allocate energy to the role of father/mother. When your children have the next generation, you have to allocate energy to the role of grandparents. This is why many people feel that “people are not as good as dogs in middle age”. There are more roles in your life, and each role needs your energy. This is the inevitable development of life. Second, reassess the allocation of resources between workers and housekeepers. This redistribution of resources often occurs when a major milestone occurs in your life. For example, you got married and had children. At this time, you encountered an excellent career opportunity. Seizing this opportunity means that you may have to sacrifice most of your time taking care of your children. What should you do? Once such an incident occurs, it is necessary for the husband and wife to reassess the allocation of resources between workers and housekeepers. In the end, who should put more energy on workers and who should put more energy on housekeepers, there are three factors to consider here: economic income, role demands, and source of value. 1. The economic income is easy to understand. Many families choose, whoever earns more, has a better career development momentum, and whoever works outside to earn money to support their family. 2. Role appeal refers to which role can better meet your emotional needs at the current stage of life. It is easy to understand with an example. When I was in Norway, one day I met a young man pushing a stroller on the streets of Oslo. During the chat, I learned that he is a full-time dad. His income is higher than that of his wife, but he feels that playing the role of a father is far more important than work. Therefore, his wife is making money to support the family, and he takes care of the baby. This is his role appeal. 3. The source of value here refers to a person’s judgment of self-worth. For example, there are many women whose recognition of self-worth comes from their sense of accomplishment at work. It would be very cruel for them to let them give up their work altogether. We re-evaluate the allocation of resources between workers and housekeepers from the above three aspects. Here, we need to discuss clearly what we care about each other. Finally, reach a consensus. In addition, full-time mothers can also try flexible work styles, starting from past career resources or their own specialties and hobbies, take part of the time to undertake some work within their capacity, and increase their sense of value in the work. A full-time mother can have no job and no income, but she can’t live without herself. You are yourself first, then the husband’s wife and the child’s mother. No matter when, you can’t give up growth, whether you want to return to the workplace or not, you must maintain the ability to enter the workplace at any time.

sina156
7 months ago

After reading the host’s narrative, I feel that the host has fallen into a state of self-denial. And this state comes from my lack of self-confidence and my lack of recognition from my family. The poster is a full-time mother of one or two babies. An elementary school, a kindergarten. I am now 35+ and have not worked for two years. This year my second child has just started kindergarten. I thought it would not be too difficult to find a job, but it turned out that I was hitting a wall everywhere! I have been waiting for work for a while, but finally the doll is about to grow up, wants to work, wants to start a business, but her husband is not at all considerate, and even denies her. People are always vulnerable at this time. I have no wages for more than two years, so I devote myself to the family. But my husband thinks that if you don’t make money, you will only spend money. No matter how hard you do housework, no matter how tired you are, it is because you do not make money. …Such a husband not only feels that your contribution is meaningful at the critical moment, but also feels that you should. All the credit for the hard work is his alone. In fact, I want to tell the host that being a full-time mother is great. Others or family members may not understand your hard work, but you cannot deny your own efforts. The work of a full-time mother is difficult and cumbersome, and she has to bring a baby, and she has to do housework, three meals a day for adults and children. After all, the child grows up and goes to kindergarten, and you are right to come up with work. It is normal to not find a job temporarily, after all, age and energy are not dominant. Many hiring units do have age restrictions, but don’t give up. Keep looking. You will always find them. You have survived the hardest days, and you have gone through the ghost gate twice. What are you afraid of? 35 years old, can still do a lot of work. The most important thing is to regain your self-confidence, dress yourself up, and plan for the next days. The future is still very promising.

yahoo898
7 months ago

I am a 37-year-old full-time mother with two children. I think my life is so busy and I always feel that there is not enough time. While taking good care of my baby and family, I have been working hard to improve myself, learn how to invest and manage money, how to do community operations, exercise the sensitivity to make money, I like clothing making, and I have learned some courses systematically. In short, don’t limit yourself to the family. People at home must have a positive attitude and learn actively, because the child will grow up. We just accompany the child on a journey. Squatting is to accumulate energy and prepare for the jump. He is also very beautiful in his thirties! There are so many things you can do as long as you want, as long as you dare, as long as you want. It is our lifelong pursuit to let the days live hot and to make ourselves better and better! I, a full-time mother with both sons and daughters, know how to make clothes and basic financial management knowledge, and I am always seeking to be a better version of myself.

leexin
7 months ago

My experience is very similar to the subject. I am also 35+. Although I only have one child, I quit my job from a very busy but stable foreign company more than two years ago in order to take care of the child. After resigning, I first became a full-time mother for a period of time. Later, I also worked as a micro-business, partnered with friends in parenting consulting work, and other free jobs for some time. During the period, I also applied for a lot of courses, my husband did not understand, every day he said that I wasted money to learn those useless (I also want to ask what is useful in his eyes, maybe he thinks that he only spends money on food, clothing, housing and transportation, eating, drinking, and having fun. It’s “useful” only), for which we quarreled many times. Later, the parenting consulting work I did in partnership with a friend really couldn’t go on. And because I hadn’t had a formal job, and I was fooled, my savings were spent, so I had to look for a job. I originally thought that I also had a degree, and I had ten years of working experience in a foreign company. It shouldn’t be a problem to find a job. As a result, I was slapped by reality just like the subject of the subject. It took me three or four months to look for it ( During this period, I experienced the “low season” of job hunting like the Spring Festival). I adjusted my resume and job intentions countless times. I expected that the salary would drop again and again, but I basically didn’t think I was old, or I had to have this certificate or that certificate. I feel that this society is already abandoning me, a middle-aged woman who is 35+ and lacks any skills. So long, long, long, and long-winded, and now I’m on the subject. As a mother who has similar experience to you, I think you can find time to plan your next career path. If you can’t think of it too long-term, just think about what you are best at or most interested in right now. For example, after I resigned from a foreign company, I worked as a parenting consultant, and I also want to continue to engage in parenting and education-related work, so that I can grow up with my children. Next, you think about whether you plan to realize your ideals through entrepreneurship or part-time work? After thinking about the direction, set a short-term, medium-term, and long-term goal to achieve your ideals. The next step is to adjust the mentality. I didn’t join the new company until this month. It is a much smaller private company with a salary that is a bit worse than that of the original company. Moreover, I am equivalent to changing my career and starting over. It is false to say that there is no psychological gap, but I have basically adjusted it now. Since I have chosen this path, I will go on. Regardless of the scale, foreign or private enterprises are just a platform. As long as it can help you achieve your goals, just roll up your sleeves and work harder. Just use it as a new starting point for your career. Regarding the relationship between you and your husband, I’m an outsider who can’t say anything, I’ll just say myself. I have always been aware that I am an adult with an independent personality. As long as I recognize things, no one can influence me. To me, including my husband, so no matter what he says and thinks, I want to learn, I want to study, I want to work, I want to work, I want to be a WeChat business, I want to be a WeChat business, be yourself, let him have nothing to say ,Humph! I don’t know if my answer will help you. It’s all Bao Ma. It’s not easy. I have been confused and collapsed. I hope you all go well and find your direction in life soon!

greatword
7 months ago

The situation of the two of us is very similar, you say you are 35+. I guess you are younger than me, and I add more. I’m an old and young student, my second child hasn’t entered the kindergarten yet, and my second treasure is smaller than yours. I have been at home for three years, one year longer than you. At that time, because Er Bao was born and moved to another city, I felt that finding a job was not a problem. If I could earn less, I would be full-time. I started to look for a job at the beginning of this year and found that it was too far from expectations. The resumes were cast out, and there were a lot of them. It was easy to see the news that a resume was forwarded. I hope to contact me by phone, but there is no result. Especially depressed. Why don’t you make a phone call? I have interviewed three companies so far, but they are all backward compatible. I didn’t think it was suitable before I went, but I thought about the rare opportunity to interview, so I went. I still feel wronged, and people didn’t like me. The insurance company that finds me the most, hey. I refused for a while and the insurance company stopped looking for me. I also thought about starting a business. I didn’t need his opposition. I didn’t dare to start. My family was too thin to withstand the toss. Therefore, I am still applying for resumes, Zhilian, BOSS, Lagou.com, and hunting. Click to open it every day, and communicate if there is a suitable position. In addition, I treat Zhihu as a job. Every day I see a problem that touches me, I just write. For me, I like to write. Writing itself can soothe my anxiety. My ultimate dream is that one day I can support myself by relying on codewords. The only thing I might be better off than you is the man in the family. He is also a bit of macho and not warm and considerate, but he is not so rude and unreasonable. I was not used to him from the beginning to promote his macho. Put it out in time if there are signs of it. This also stems from his personality, which is relatively mild among boys. I told him at the beginning, I am not very demanding, I can take care of the family and accommodate you, the only requirement is not to add to my obstacles. He also saw me go crazy, and he didn’t mess with me. He was lazy. At that time, the boss, even though he was at work, I was a bit busier than him. The housework and children were basically me alone. To a certain extent, it became the capital for me to gag him now. In addition, I have a higher education than him, the platform I used to work for is larger than his, and my work experience is also richer than it. He also admitted that it is me who sacrificed more for the family and the children. It can be said that I may be as hard-working and as tired as you at home, and the pressure in my heart is less than that of you. For your current situation, if it is me, find a job around your home first. No matter how high or low your salary is, do it first, change your environment, change your mood, and let your man change the mode of communicating with you. Hug, hope that we can all find our own way of survival as soon as possible. Come on!

loveyou
7 months ago

It feels like your husband is in PUA, hitting you, denying you, trying to turn you into a slave controlled by him. Fortunately, it seems that you have not been beaten and have no self-awareness, but if you continue to do this, the consequences will not get better. It is strongly recommended that you go out to work as soon as possible, regardless of suitability. Work first and earn money to support yourself. Even if you go out as a nanny and bring children to others, you will still have income. The employer dare not scold you like that. When you have independent financial ability and you are really reluctant to bear children, then you need to be strong and force your husband to respect you. If you can’t do it, you can’t change him, just change the environment and support divorce. Don’t feel sorry for the child so much. It’s really hard to tell how the child will grow up in the future when he grows up in such an environment, watching his father and mother grow up. I am Teacher Wu, a career planner, and you can trust me if you need help.

strongman
7 months ago

Seeing your invitation was deeply moved. I am also a full-time mother of 35+. The older one went to elementary school, and the younger one was born in the epidemic. Whenever I feel very anxious and decadent, I will read some articles to motivate myself. Always imply that anyone can fall, but you can’t fall. Otherwise, what about the person who gave birth to me and the person who gave birth to me? I used to rely on my husband quite a bit, but something happened later, and I realized that relying on the heavens and the earth is really better than relying on myself. In the future, I will do whatever I can do by myself, and do it myself if I can carry it. . (My husband has been smooth sailing since he was little to most of the time. He has never encountered setbacks. Once encountered setbacks, he can’t bear it. So his rebellious period didn’t come when it was time to come. He was in his 30s, but it was better than it should be. The situation is more serious when I came here, I won’t elaborate on the other things, it’s all tears) How difficult it is for women in this era, and how wonderful it is for women in this era. In addition to their own get off work, they also have to take care of their children. Full-time moms can hardly have a lot of time for their own. They have to do something much harder than others… But it is such a group of women who are definitely not holding up half the sky now. Take a chance to make life visible for the next 3 to 5 years. We are the women who ride the wind and waves. Sometimes, the question we all ask is not that we must get a standard answer, or we want to resonate. Listen to other people’s stories and grow yourself

stockin
7 months ago

You can choose a certificate, teacher qualification certificate (you can also go to kindergarten to be a teacher, accounting certificate (you can start from the cashier first, and the second-level construction teacher certificate (you can bring the certificate to work or find a unit to register.).) You can also You can start writing and force yourself to write 3000 words every day. In short, pick up the books to make yourself spiritual and personality independent, but also financially independent. When you get better and better, others will deny it and others will look down on it. It becomes insignificant. What’s more, in the process of obtaining these certificates, we are also setting an example for the children. What children need most is a mother who is confident, sunny, and full of hope.

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