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I paid attention to this issue early in the morning. This is not a trivial matter, it is very typical. I will talk about it from several angles: [Marriage must have the spirit of contract] In marriage, responsibilities must be defined, division of labor and cooperation, and mutual tolerance should be set. At a minimum, and comply. The two reached a consensus that the children need to be raised together. It’s not that you give money to support, you have to spend your time and time with you, [Wife, please love yourself more] You can’t change others, you can only change yourself. Don’t spoil others blindly and revel in your sacrifice and dedication. Otherwise, just take it for yourself. Communicate promptly if there is a problem, vent your dissatisfaction, and let your husband know that you are upset. Just like educating children, you must correct and think about countermeasures the first time you make a mistake. Find a way to resolve depression that suits you, and don’t get sick. Cultivate hobbies, build up your own social circle, and distract from your husband. In fact, he will be less stressed. Lower your expectations of your husband. He is not an omnipotent god, but an ordinary human being with weaknesses and defects. When you are angry, please think of his goodness. Add to the positioning of the husband: the roles of friends, partners, and strangers. Marriage is living together. As for the stranger, in fact, you don’t dare to say that you know him completely. Excellent partners are always updating themselves. Eachother is actually a past tense. Only when you become better can you adapt to this changing world. Don’t give up your job. Only if you have the ability to support yourself, you are qualified to say “no” when you choose. Facing life positively, believing that there is true love and true love at all times. [Husband] Bringing children at home is harder work than going to work. It is impossible for one person to take care of the children to do housework and cooking. If you do not do housework, please hire a nanny, otherwise keep silent. No matter how busy you are at work, you won’t have to work overtime every day and come home late. Sometimes you just don’t want to go home. Marriage stability is the cornerstone of your career success. The growth of a child needs the company of his father. Men have careers, hobbies, and social life, while most women have only husbands and children. Emotion plays a large role in women’s hearts, and women need to be paid attention and loved more. A woman’s heart is getting colder bit by bit, so you don’t want to talk about it easily. Women are so coaxing, you must speak out your love and make it out. Please fulfill your vows when you exchanged tokens at the wedding. [For unmarried young women] Choosing a boyfriend must be the right one. The difference in living habits and consumption concepts is the killer of marriage. Choosing a responsible and able man will endure less hardship in the future. A fun thing. This morning, my wife and I had a little quarrel about “Who will send the children to school?”. Bad weather is one of them, and I’m lazy is the second. In fact, the point is to vent his dissatisfaction that he doesn’t work overtime with us during the holidays. My mother-in-law and I were nagging during dinner, you should vent a big fight. I was surprised, mom, we were quarreling just now! The mother-in-law said, I didn’t see you arguing, and my daughter said to the side that you are still very affectionate. It turns out that there is such a big difference in cognition, and I have always been arguing in my heart. This is the so-called cold war. You must solve the problem when it comes up. Don’t be lazy, don’t delay, don’t hide in your heart, don’t cold war, otherwise the problem will accumulate more and more until it can’t be solved.


By zhiwo

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6 months ago

I have seen a saying before that if there is no love between husband and wife, they will definitely become enemies. From the perspective of mood, it is easy to understand that performing the past with a mask under one roof is a spiral downward process. As long as the time is long enough, all good things can be worn away. For modern people, marriage is a very scary thing. Even if, as the experts have found, marrying your best friend can guarantee a happy marriage, it is not absolute. Both parents and parents have time to make mistakes. How do people face this horrible thing? In this regard, Ned’s view is my view. “People can be brave only when they are afraid.”

6 months ago

My husband and I have a habit after we got married. Every time we record the reason for the quarrel on the home calendar. Looking back at the reason for the quarrel and the angry handwriting recorded on the calendar, I really feel that we are stupid. Now we are going to quarrel. Will think of past records, add a piece of humor, smile, and the subject can try.

6 months ago

A few days ago, I got up early to send the child. In the elevator, the child was downcast and not very emotional. The teammates pretended to be comforted: it was all right, it was the last day, and I could rest tomorrow! I replied: It’s clear that there are still a few days left, so please comfort me, don’t lie to the child? It started with two sentences, and went back and forth, arguing for several rounds. In the morning rush hour, people came in one after another in the elevator, and we two brewed a huge cloud of explosive mushrooms in the cramped corner. We only waited for the elevator door to open and let it out to decide a male or female. However, given the presence of a child, it is really inconvenient to perform internal skills. Just now we have argued from “should we lie to the child with comforting purposes” to “when one person talks to the child, the other should not always intervene”, and we have come to the road of parting ways. , Just to save the white-hot stage of turning over the old accounts, the two people didn’t even say goodbye, and hurried away in their respective directions angrily. I thought about it on the road. In fact, neither of us had the starting point to sincerely discuss the concept of parenting. It was just because of the other’s tone and attitude that we ignited our own nameless fire. As for where this nameless fire came from, there is no big reason for it. Sometimes I get up early in the morning in a panic, children rushing to urge adults, the elevator can’t stop 800 times from top to bottom, and when you get downstairs, you find that you forget your mobile phone and then turn back. It’s like you’ve gone out for the first time in the morning. When you encounter a red light at the intersection, you will encounter the red light along the way. There are no major things that are not going well, but when you are upset and irritated, you can trigger a war if you can’t figure out what the other party says. Married life is always full of such tense moments. It doesn’t seem to be a big deal, but the irritability index in the air soars rapidly, like leaking gas, just one point. When I was young, I always listened to my parents quarreling, but I didn’t understand the reason, but when I was old, I found that those who quarrel and quarrel are mostly because of various trivial details in life, but these details can be extended indefinitely. online. Later, when he was older, he could still be a mediator. Once, my dad was very dissatisfied with the fact that my mom put seven or eight rags in the hallway, living room, window sill, inside and out, and my mom argued. Because of the convenience, you can wipe it when you are working, and you will get into quarrels when you argue. I said: “You two are really boring, this kind of thing is worth a fight? I don’t want to get married like this in the future.” The two immediately became vigilant because of my doubts about their marriage, and quickly reached a unity from the enemy. The front line, dismissively retorted me: “Cut, don’t say so early, how can there be a couple who don’t quarrel, you will also be noisy.” Blame me at that time, I was young and ignorant, I always felt that small things are negotiable and can be noisy. How can the matter of getting up be the kind of dispute that determines the future direction of the family in “Road to Revolution”? I still remember that in the movie, when the hero and the heroine met, one was an ambitious young man who talked loudly, and the other was a future star who had the opportunity to become a well-known actress. Later, in order to support his family, the man became an office worker who only knew how to make money and work more than ten hours a day. , A woman has become a bad actor and she has to worry about trivial family affairs. Marriage has brought them into a dead end, and the heroine is dissatisfied with the status quo, and she wants to change but can’t start. Finally, after a grievance broke out between the two, the hostess remembered that her husband had described herself as a “beautiful Paris” when she was young, so she made a major decision to save the family and wanted to persuade the host to implement the “family” together. The great plan of “Relocating to Paris” is an attempt to inject a trace of vitality into a dead-end marriage. In the two-hour film, the male and female protagonists quarreled almost from start to finish. They quarreled about whether to go to Paris, whether to have an abortion, how to face and resolve the emptiness and despair in their married life. In the end, they quarreled. The noise is vague, sharp and profound, and full of literary and artistic style. The movie is so noisy that people are afraid of marriage, but after getting married, I discovered that most real marriages, quarrels can quarrel in depth, and they have to be couples at the level of cultural masters. Yang Jiang told the story of her quarrel with Qian Zhongshu in “The Three of Us”. On the ship returning to China in 1937, they disputed over the pronunciation of a French word “bon”. Yang Jiang felt that Qian Zhongshu’s pronunciation was inaccurate and had a local accent. Qian Zhongshu was very unconvinced, refused to admit it, and was young and vigorous. The two of them quarreled and said a lot of emotional things. Yang Jiang finally asked an English-speaking French wife on the same ship to make an arbitration. The French wife said that Yang Jiang was right and that they had a conclusion. We ordinary men and women who eat and drink, even if they are noisy, I am afraid that there is no academic discussion. In all cases, it is because the dumplings are salty and the rags are placed. Your mother let the children eat two more. Sugar argues endlessly. Speaking and talking, many years later, the sentence to parents: “You are noisy when you are knotted.” Finally, I have personal feelings. But you don’t have to worry about it, because no matter which level you quarrel with, you won’t be too happy. The “revolutionary couple” who did not go to Paris finally quarrelled into a tragedy. Yang Jiang, who had won the quarrel, did not feel very happy either. Afterwards, she and Qian Zhongshu thought the quarrel was very boring. In fact, those fights that can’t be stopped after a quarrel, in retrospect, most of them will be like the dog-blood performances commented by Li Chengru. Not only can I not noisy a standard answer, but it is also very laborious, and it is no easier than running a marathon. If you are serious, you can’t be exhausted. What is strange is that no matter how disgusting you are when you calm down, and how naive and ridiculous the reasons for quarreling are, those who reflect on the ten thousand reasons that don’t need to quarrel are so urgent and indispensable at the time. I don’t know if it’s useful to change someone, but Woody, the old man in Nebraska, said: “You have to spend the rest of your life with someone who is nagging about yourself. If you leave her, I will end up Someone has to yell, scream, and toss around in a different way.”

6 months ago

Don’t comment here if you are not married! This incident, on the surface, is a trash can bagging, but in fact it is a struggle for the right to speak in family life! Or more bluntly, it is the struggle for dominance of the family’s lifestyle. By the way, when you first started dating, Mr. Li could go home to lie on the sofa with Ge You and play games with good friends! Later, Professor Wang proposed to put the trash can in a trash bag, and then asked to take out the trash! Then there is no way to go home wearing outside clothes! Then I asked to take a shower every day after I went home! Then asked to go home every day to wash clothes! Then asked to go home and not play games to do housework! Then ask you to go home and take the kids! Then it is required to clean the dishes after eating! “Jin can’t start, Kou can’t ling” finally directly stipulated that the wife should listen to the little things in the family. As for major events, there are no major events in family life! This is not a trash bag, but a noose around a man’s neck! But this noose hurts and is happy!

6 months ago

You think the trash can is just not bagged, but the consequences of not bagging include transferring the trash to the trash bag and washing the trash can (or carrying the trash can to the trash station and then washing the trash can). So the problem is not whether to cover garbage bags. If the person who is not bagging can dump the trash and wash the trash can and clean the scene afterwards. No one will be angry about this. To put it bluntly, it’s not me who is troubled, so I don’t care about it. Anyone who encounters similar things is very hot.

6 months ago

Being invited by my husband to answer this question is also drunk. I have known my husband for 6 years, lived together for 4 years, and obtained the certificate for one month. During this period, I have quarreled with my husband over countless things. Let me talk about myself from two aspects first. The first is my parents. My rough mother from the north has a typical collection habit formed from the hard time. By 2015, my family still kept newspapers stacked in units of years since 1995. My mother gave birth to my previous high-heeled shoes and in the refrigerator. There are popsicles that I loved the most when I was a kid, so I can imagine how many kinds of trash there are in my house. For my literary and artistic father from the south who loves to be clean, this is simply a nightmare. He often sneaks away some leftovers and plastic bags. Every time my mother catches him, it’s a big quarrel. Why don’t you just ask me about throwing things? Are you doing housework? You don’t care if you don’t ask me, you don’t respect me!!” Yes, it’s funny. . Woman’s logic, puff. I have heard them noisy since I was young, and I have always thought this idea is ridiculous. In the second aspect, until my husband and I both worked and settled in the same city, we got together. I found that I was inevitably influenced by my mother and started to accumulate some things that I thought I needed. Then my Virgo husband was not happy anymore. Similarly, I started to use my mother’s reason: “You can cook. Do you know how to do housework? No matter what in your family, you still dislike this and dislike the other, and you will leave if you dislike it!” Momentary mother kissed her upper body. Then my husband was silent, and then I was silent too. Fortunately, in a few days I also feel that the house is messy, and I will still throw out a batch. But in fact, my parents and myself are noisy, they have come here all their lives, and my husband and I have a very good relationship. So first of all, LZ don’t be afraid of such quarrels. LZ wants to know why such a small matter will have a fierce quarrel. As I said earlier, at the end of the quarrel, the dispute itself does not lie in the simplest matter, nor is it as simple as a trash bag. The trivial matter is just to set off fire. So, there may be many deep-seated reasons. Both parties are not going well today, children are noisy and upset, stocks plummeted and reprimanded by leaders, etc., etc. will let themselves. At first, we will try to avoid talking about these things at home and avoid bringing home emotions at work. This is actually I am very opposed to it. The family itself is a place where a person returns to the blood, and is not allowed to say where to say it at home? He said you just listen, and after listening, whether you understand it or not, comment on it. Don’t think this is boring, after a long time you can understand his circle of friends and understand his work, so that you can synchronize. The opposite is also true. Men are all children, slap a piece of candy, get angry and then give him a bowl of noodles. After all, you are still a damn child. And then, women shouldn’t circle around men every day, men like male animals still retain a lot of their instincts. Apart from bringing the baby, listen to music, read books, calligraphy and painting, learn foreign languages, listen to the news, learn something you love to do but simpler, look through fashion magazines, and do yoga at home. If you can afford it, you can do maintenance for yourself. I don’t believe that a woman who is confident of beauty and health is not loved by a man. If she really doesn’t love it, she is definitely a scumbag. It doesn’t hurt to change one. Marriage is not a relationship. When two people want to see each other, they will not see each other. The grievances in their hearts grow over time. As the marriage time gets longer and longer, the quarrel becomes more and more intense. In the end, the man feels that his wife is not acceptable. It is reasonable to say that women feel that their husbands do not love themselves or their homes, and the breakdown of their marriage is in danger. Therefore, I also disagree with some of the views upstairs. Marriage is not like signing a contract. The responsibilities are divided into separate affairs. My family is not a reasonable place at all, this sentence was taught to me by my mother. So no matter how noisy my parents are, they will still be unanimous at critical moments. So help LZ summarize (personal point of view, other people don’t like it, don’t spray, every family is different): 1. Based on feelings, the husband and wife respect and understand each other. Think about what the other person means to you. 2. Women should not be too emotional, men should not be too rational. If you have something to say, don’t quarrel and don’t be okay. You can’t talk about separation and divorce. 3. As we all know, the identity of mother is the greatest in the world. So men must be tolerant, especially those children under 3 years old. A woman who is willing to give up her youth for you and risk her life to give you offspring, not to hurt her daughter-in-law. 4. The woman should not take herself too seriously. No one is under pressure in social life now, not to mention the fact that the man alone supports the family. You have to be forgiven and forgive. It’s a family, and it’s fine. You don’t want a man to become a waste, right, his career success also has your credit. Listen to some of his discomforts and complaints, and make him a bowl of hot porridge late at night if he is working overtime. Looking back, he surely loves to go out to show off his wife. 5. Women must love themselves and keep up with the times. Many women call for independence every day, not just financial independence, more importantly, spiritual independence. Do something you like to do, learn about current affairs news and related knowledge of your own man’s work, so that the distance between husband and wife will not be alienated. Don’t indulge yourself in TV dramas and the gossip incidents of Seven Aunts and Eight Aunts, and don’t believe in chicken soup for the soul. It is enough to take good care of your face, develop a good figure, educate your children, and behave appropriately. 6. Don’t compare others with your own. You can talk about it when you are joking, but never have a balance in your heart. The men and women in their own family are always the best. Envy becomes too much and becomes YY. The heroine halo is only in TV dramas and novels. 7. Since you are a family, don’t be so clear about who has more and less housework. Say when you are tired, don’t hold back. 8. Quarrels can be noisy, but they have to be noisy. Don’t forget to worry about it. It is easy for women to turn over old accounts, which is terrible for men. Over time, the woman herself will amplify the pain infinitely. When a man came home and saw a yellow-faced woman, I didn’t want to go home for me. 9. Distinguish the priority. Little things quarreling are little things, don’t make them big If one party gives a signal to go down the stairs, he will use the donkey to go down the slope, and then lifting the bar will only get more and more stiff. 10. Show to the other person that I care about you. This is for men. Men are good at finding traces that she still loves me from small things, while women are good at discovering that he doesn’t love me from small things. Talking more sweet words can’t kill people. I taught my dad that my dad’s life will be much better in the future. Not willing to say? I’m not happy to give birth to you. My daughter-in-law doesn’t like to coax me, bye~ okay. . The above is purely personal experience, please don’t spray if you judge. I wish LZ family harmony in the future~

6 months ago

It doesn’t take much to ruin a pot of porridge, one mouse poop is enough. If you think the impact of mouse droppings is too great, replace it with a piece of nose, and the effect is the same. At this time, we will dump the porridge without hesitation. But we will not throw away the pot. But if you cook porridge a hundred times, you will find booger 20 or 30 times. At this time, you are likely to consider whether it is a pot matter or whether you should throw the pot away. You see, there is nothing wrong with the pot itself, but because of frequent feces, it will be disgusted. Most of those ruining marriages are not a matter of principle. Those trivial things are the starting point for the collapse of the building. If these disputes occur with other people, most of us choose to stay away and endure it; but this happened between husband and wife, and it happened again and again. Not only is it noisy, but it is also noisy like upgrading monsters, small noises become big noises, and big noises become destructive noises. If you don’t do anything, it’s all civilized people, you and me, that are the bottom line of moral defense in the end. Are these things that important? Dirty bowls should be washed immediately after eating or saved until tomorrow, socks and underwear are littered everywhere or cleaned and placed neatly across categories, clothes are still on the sofa or hung on a hanger, and the watermelon is sliced ​​or cut or used directly Dig and eat with the spoon, can you put peppers in the fried vegetables, lie on the bed without changing pajamas, whether the bathroom is a toilet or a pit, whether the decoration style is new Chinese or simple, and whether it is heavy or light when the door is closed… While arguing and insisting that we are all right, we are also wondering, why can’t the other party “change” such a small matter? Do you remember how your love started? Seeing him sweating like rain on the basketball court, seeing her face glowing in the sunset and breeze; seeing his handsome face in a suit, or seeing her blue dress spinning to invite spring; accepting him An umbrella was handed over in the rain, and she cooked a bowl of overtime noodles while eating; it was his funny jokes, and she apologized in panic when she was late. ……When you fall in love, small things are like sand that converge into soil and nourish your feelings; after a long time, you talked about love, talked about marriage, and performed rituals. The preparations for happiness seemed to be ready. At this time, the rustling down again After a while, Miao was crushed to death. So many loves and marriages start in the gravel and end in the gravel. There is also a proverb related to gravel: What hinders you from moving forward is not the remoteness of your destination, but a gravel in your shoes. So, in order to avoid the failure of love and marriage, what you need to do is actually very simple, that is, stop first, take off your shoes, and pour out the gravel. To stop is to do something different. Stop the bad words, calm down, and start communicating, negotiating, and trying to accept. Communicate each other’s thoughts and feelings, negotiate their own practices and leeway, and finally, try to accept what is difficult for the other party to change after all. To pour gravel is to let go of past grievances. At that moment, the other party was controlled by the bad emotions, and he spoke unscrupulously. From another perspective, the other party’s subconscious was actually trying to communicate with you at that time. It’s just that this is too harmful, and it also arouses your confrontation. Some people say that there is nothing serious except life and death. But many small things in the marriage affect the life and death of this relationship. good luck!

6 months ago

Because living between husband and wife, there are really not many major events in life, parting, cheating, and family crises. How many times can you catch up with ordinary people in your life? Really met, it is also necessary to face calmly, rational analysis rather than a big quarrel is such a trivial matter, the effect of a big quarrel is the best thing, although it looks small, it must be a grievance. For a long time, I don’t believe that you should put the garbage bag in time after you throw out the garbage. He only told you once, if you didn’t do it once, he would have a big fight with you? Impossible, it must be said that I don’t know hundreds of times, it doesn’t work, so I have to get angry once, to give you a deep impression. I have been with my wife for ten years, and she has really freak out only a handful of times. The last time she It was about two or three years ago, and it was also summer. I ate supper at night and didn’t clean the dishes. The next day, she found out that she was very angry and threw all the dirty bowls away. That time I admitted that I was wrong for a long time, and it took a long time for me to confess my mistakes. Coax me now when I think that that day, after eating supper, I will wash the dishes and then watch TV and play games. Of course, it can’t be changed so well. Sometimes there are problems when I slack off. If it’s so easy, I’ll change it and call it again. Is something wrong? But I’m sure I won’t be degenerating, she won’t use this to live her life again, it’s rare to be confused. I understand what she means, and she also understands that I changed it. It’s almost done. Of course, I have a lot of problems, my trash can. It’s still empty and there is no bag. Waiting for her to accumulate energy. Anyway, she said I’m just ah, ah. If she doesn’t get angry all the time, I will earn money and wait for her to get really angry, and I’m going to change it.

6 months ago

The subject said it was reconciled the next day. . Yes, this time it was reconciled. What about next time? Will there be quarrels again because the towel is not hung up next time? This may seem like a trivial matter, but in fact it is not an isolated incident. There are at least two aspects: 1. The other party is dissatisfied with you and has accumulated negative emotions in his heart. The other party had accumulated a lot of negative emotions in his heart and kept tolerating it, but when he encountered such a small incident, his emotions broke out. Close to the emotional peak, the more trivial and trivial things are more likely to break out, because the other party’s logic is “It is hopeless to do such a simple thing.” 2. Your communication is not too smooth. Under normal circumstances, two people will communicate if they have different opinions. Why did it break out without communicating this time? Either this question has been raised many times, but whether it remains unchanged. Either it has been unable to communicate effectively, and it is noisy and tiring to speak. There is a similar situation in my family. When I wash my face, I often leave a lot of water stains on the countertop. She is not happy, why don’t you dry it. I…I will wipe it later. She couldn’t bear it, so she wiped it when she picked it up. After a while, she blows her hair after washing and does not use the hair dryer. I asked, why don’t you take the hair dryer. She returned, I will use it tomorrow, put it there. I… couldn’t bear it, so I put away the hair dryer. Behind is that I still wet the countertop, she wiped it. She still left the hair dryer indiscriminately, and I kept it. The way for husband and wife to get along is to tolerate and cherish, but Ding Kemao’s reasoning is meaningless, after all, life is not a project, and marriage is not a contract.

6 months ago

Many people have talked about the possibility of emotional transfer, that is, the trash can is just a (emotional) trash can, which becomes the straw at the critical point of the outbreak. In addition to this factor, we still have to mention the more common problem of “matching” in couples’ lives. Sorry, I don’t say too many good things. To tell the truth, practice has proved that a person can change even a very small life habit (formed for more than ten years) for the spouse? Sorry, it was painful. To both sides. For example, let’s quit smoking, you should understand what I mean. Then do not change blindly forbearance? Of course forbearance is the main aspect, but if you can’t tolerate it, don’t you need to endure it? It doesn’t seem to be reliable. Or use smoking as an example to help understand, okay? For example, if the husband smokes and the wife bears it, then forget it. Can’t help but what to do? I am not speaking for my husband. I personally support smoking bans, but what if my husband can’t do it right away in the short term? Just left for smoking? There are ten thousand reasons for divorce between the couple. I can’t bear the things I’ve heard with my own ears: overwhelming, stingy, personal hygiene, eating habits, family values, relatives, emotional quotient, professional quotient… I can list a thousand items without mentioning smoking, drinking and burning my head… Wife Raising a house of cats, my husband has allergies. How can I endure it every minute? No nonsense, direct conclusion. Each step back. Let’s give an example of smoking. First, you agree to the vows and take actual actions. The second allows you to take your time. The third starts in a certain period of time inside the home (or bedroom), now, right away. I know that those who are not divorced are probably based on the above ideas. The principle is the same for other things. Which is better than “divorce tomorrow if you don’t quit smoking today”? Not long-winded, go back and think about it, everyone.

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