I was preparing to get a certificate with my boyfriend. He developed in the north and wanted to live with his parents after marriage. I have been to their home twice. His parents are very good to me, but I think that if I stay together for a long time, my teeth will still knock my lips. At that time, I was afraid that my living habits would be different and the north-south differences would be huge. It is inevitable that there would be disagreements. If unpleasantness occurs then it would be difficult for my husband to be caught in the middle. I told my husband what I thought, and he said that he treats me very much. Disappointed and very cold. He said that my parents are in their 60s. I am very unfilial. And if I want to bring my parents over, he would be willing, but I don’t want to say that I am a wolf. I am sad, am I? Very wrong

He wants to take his parents over to fulfill his filial piety. This is human nature. We should praise him. However, when you refuse later. When he comes up, he will tag you with a big hat of unfilial piety. This is disgusting. There should be discussions and discussions between the couple. You come to me. He puts forward his needs, but you refuse. Should normal people actively look for a plan acceptable to both parties to implement it? For example, as many people mentioned, find a house nearby in the community to live with their parents. It can not only take care of the elderly, but also ensure the independent life of both parties. But he doesn’t. It seems that in his cognition, there are only two ways to pick up the parents to live with and let the parents stay in their hometown alone. This is either him, thinking about the problem is too simple and one-sided. Either he had the idea at the beginning that his parents would take it over and let you take care of him, and he would not interfere. After all, he married a wife to take care of his in-laws and have children. To be honest, I don’t think you should get the certificate for both of these possibilities. Not being smart will affect future generations. Marriage life is easy to jump off if you don’t think about it. Seriously, at this time, the blind date is good. Everyone will explain their needs clearly. Get married if appropriate, and bye bye if it is inappropriate. There is no need to pay so much emotional cost. Marriage and love. It may really be two different topics.

zhiwo

By zhiwo

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helpmekim
7 months ago

My cousin also encountered this a few years ago. My cousin is the best girl in our big family. A standard oval face, fawn-like eyes, white reflective skin without foundation, long swan neck, in the words of others, this girl, if she didn’t tell her, no one else could see that she was a rural child. . Although there is not much education, beauty is the core competitiveness. After reaching the age of 18, the person who came to speak to her sister as a matchmaker broke the threshold. Once, a relative introduced her to a boy in the city. There are two houses in the boy’s house, several facades, and the savings may be several million. It’s not a big deal in Zhihu, but it can be regarded as a rich person in our county. The boy fell in love with my sister at first sight, and my sister thought that the boy was okay, and the two talked about the object. We all know that the blind date progressed relatively quickly. After two months of talks, the two began to discuss the marriage. My sister asked casually whether we should live with us or with your parents after marriage. Speaking unintentionally, the listener intended it. The boy turned around and told his parents. The boy’s mother found a relative who was a matchmaker and said, what’s the matter with this girl in your family, she hates us before she gets married, and she doesn’t want to live with us if she is really married, and she must not ride on our heads and shit. The relative told my cousin’s mother the words of the man again. My cousin’s mother was anxious when she heard it. In her opinion, the boy’s home is in good condition. She was afraid that if she missed this village, there would be no shop. She hurried to the man’s house and apologized, saying that her girl absolutely didn’t mean to dislike them. Can’t speak. Seeing her sincere attitude, the boy’s parents were relieved, saying that as long as my cousin went to apologize personally, she would stop worrying about this matter. But the cousin also has her own pride, and she is determined not to go, no matter how her mother urges her to insult. I was annoyed by talking about it later, so I took away my burdens and went out to work. This matter naturally fell through. Later, I heard from relatives that the boy’s family soon found another blind date and got married. After marriage, he naturally lives with the man’s parents. It’s not hard to imagine what life will live with a strong mother-in-law, Mabao’s husband, and a girl who married in the past. As for my cousin, a few years later, someone introduced her to a more wealthy and wealthy object (sure enough, beauty is the core competitiveness). After two years of getting along, she got married. After marrying, the mother-in-law left all the family business to her, and she became the proprietress of several chain hot pot restaurants at a young age. It can be regarded as living up to the sentence that was asked back then: “Do you live with your mother after marriage?”

heloword
7 months ago

1. Little sister, take your parents to be filial, he is showing you to be filial to your parents. Very selfish. 2. Don’t listen to him, parents can help you with housework when they come. Let me tell you that it is difficult for the elderly to do housework to meet the requirements of the young. You have to clean every weekend, and your husband becomes a giant baby in seconds. There are still some people who think you dislike his parents when you clean, a classic brain circuit in the countryside. 3. Solution: Next time he speaks, pick up what he said. Said: Well, yes. You can exercise to do housework and cooking first, and when you are done, you can pick up your parents to live. In the future, you can wash and cook for them and clean up the room. Then he didn’t do any housework at the moment, and let him do housework, washing clothes, mopping the floor, cooking and washing dishes. The treatment of male chauvinism is effective in minutes. To make a digression, my husband loves his sisters. Classical brain circuit: My dad will be hospitalized in the future, you have to accompany the bed. I directly said: Your sister, your brother-in-law, you are dead, I will consider. Shunpo went down to the donkey and said: I will not feel distressed when I pay for medical treatment and food. My parents will not be beeping when I pay for the medical treatment in the future. In the future, your boyfriend’s moths will go too many. The children want you to bring them yourself, and your parents want you to take care of them. You have to make money. If you make less, you will be despised. It is necessary to learn to grow, learn to use the way of a person, and to cure the person’s body, and cure the male chauvinism in seconds. The crying child has milk to eat. If it hurts or feels uncomfortable, you will be taken care of slowly. When he is too busy, he won’t be free from moths.

helpyme
7 months ago

My goodness, girl, this kind of man, run fast when you meet him. How is this taking you as a daughter-in-law, this is taking you as a nanny! If his parents are not sick or disaster, and they are not alone, they want to take over and live with them? Is he trying to express his filial piety? What kind of filial piety is this? Give him a strong deposit. Girl, you can only find out after you get married that this man will ask you to bear with everything, even if you feel a little bit wrong with his parents, this kind of man will immediately change his face. If the final negotiation is not right, take advantage of the fact that you are not married, and separate yourself, unless you are willing to suffer for a lifetime and be tired for a lifetime. My cousin from a distant house is super nice. My mother’s family is out of town, but there are many shops and rich, but I can’t stand to fall in love with a very poor cousin. He still came here and married and lived with his cousin’s parents. The cousin was still active at first. Motivated, she became tired within two years and was unwilling to go out to work. She stayed at home and chewed on the old. His cousin is a more tolerant person. She has been married for more than ten years and has been tolerant of him. She and her in-laws went to a stall to make money and feed her and her cousin, but the cousin still played games every day and didn’t care about anything. Just like that, her in-laws said what was wrong with the sister-in-law and never said a word about her son. I think if you have this mentality, you can consider marrying. By the way, we junior relatives are in the background, and we all feel that our sister-in-law is super difficult.

sina156
7 months ago

I am out of town, my parents are more than 60 years old, and they are in the same situation. The subject knows that teeth bite his lips, so he does not understand the interdependence of lips and teeth? The kindness of parenting is “the love is as thick as ever, but it is not repaid in a hundred times.” It is filial piety to live in, and your husband must be right. The subject considers that this close relationship will produce various contradictions after receiving it. It is true that the existence of the generation gap will lead to collisions of ideas. Contradictions are definitely unavoidable, but this is not a reason for not picking up parents. Of course, in the long run, if the family’s financial conditions permit, it is better to buy another house and live separately. I haven’t gotten the proof yet. It’s a bit early for the subject to discuss these matters after marriage with your husband, but it’s okay to discuss in advance, but the subject, you must not hesitate on the principle of filial piety to your parents. You should be happy if your husband is filial. A filial person is at least reasonable in character, this is the basic morality. Your husband is also a bit sensitive. You just expressed that you are reluctant to live with him. He said that you are a bit too far away from the white-eyed wolf. It is not that the subject’s expression may be deviated. In short, communicate well. It is okay for your husband to live with your parents because of filial piety. It is also right that friction will easily occur after you consider it. Solving difficulties together is the way for husband and wife to get along, understand each other.

yahoo898
7 months ago

Before my marriage, my parents-in-law and my mother-in-law told me that after we get married, we will be a family. From now on we will live together and take care of us. After they can’t do anything, we will take care of them. This is fine, no problem. Until I found out that when they were at home, his parents did everything except eating, sleeping and shit. I wash my clothes myself, and his parents expect me to learn how to do housework, learn how to cook (I pretend not to know how to cook), and walk the dog for them. So here comes the problem. In fact, what his parents did was to take care of him, and they also called it to take care of us. His parents’ fingers do not touch the sun. I have to accept this love and take care of his parents in the future. I’m a cheap nanny? The meaning of saying this is not to condemn anyone, but to look at the nature of the problem. The so-called filial piety is your own filial piety. Logically, his parents are kind to you and repay this kind of love, which is called gratitude, or filial piety. Legally speaking, you were raised by your own parents and only have the obligation to support your own parents. If my parents take care of themselves, I can say that I can take good care of my parents in the future. Why do his parents treat their children as a baby with a mouthful of food, and then ask me to bear the price of their habitual children? My parents raised me and bought me a house and a car. His parents calculate every day, for fear that I will map his house. Then you open your mouth and take care of each other as a family. Do you think it is really a family? Anyway, I feel that since I am really a family and treat me as my own child, I have to give me a house and car like my dad. Otherwise, don’t talk about imaginary things, put a high hat on me. I only look at the actual contribution. Filial piety to the other’s parents is based on the fact that the other’s parents really love you, are optimistic about you, and are willing to treat you as equals with your son. At the very least, don’t overdo it. Otherwise, why should others take care of you? Do you want to kidnap someone with a marriage contract?

leexin
7 months ago

I am a woman. If my husband does this, I don’t have much opinion, because I am not qualified to have an opinion. I’m not Fan Shengmei. I am at least astonishingly beautiful and have a glamorous job. I am Tess from the Deborah family. I can say that it was a “naked marriage”. My parents did not have any dowry, and they took all the money I earned before marriage. When my dad met his relatives, he took the initiative to say that my family was poor (meaning that my family could not leave anything), and let me be short of others. Everything was prepared by the man with the money. As for the general preparation and the level, my parents didn’t care about it. They just came to have a meal that day, just like ordinary relatives. …I’m so long-winded, the host should understand: Whoever bought the house has the initiative. If the woman bought it, or the woman contributed more than 50%, it is fully qualified to refuse. As for the husband and wife discussing and waiting for the good words, it is useless in reality. Turn off comments. I may have the lowest academic qualifications in Zhihu, and I have never had a long-distance experience, but I am at least middle-aged and refuse to comment from students and unmarried people. Forgive me.

greatword
7 months ago

The father-in-law passed away this year during the Spring Festival. He had a reunion dinner with us just before he passed away. He didn’t feel much discomfort before. The cause of death was sudden death. He was 65. He had just retired a few years ago. Fortunately for the Spring Festival, not far from where we live, we can still see the last side. In fact, we had planned to live together in a big room this year, but we were expecting misfortune. My mother divorced and lived with my sister-in-law in the early years. My brother-in-law’s father lost his wife and lived with him. Although this caused the child to have no room of his own and had to sleep with my mother, but how to say, the elderly on both sides did not delay the care of the elderly. When I was young, it was impossible to live with my parents and in-laws. I only thought about the two-person world, but when my parents became sick or even died, the situation was different.

loveyou
7 months ago

I feel more that the concept is different. I told my husband what I thought, and he said he was disappointed in me, and he was very sad. He said that my parents are both in their 60s and I am very unfilial. And if I want to bring my parents over, he would be willing, but I don’t want to say that I’m a wolf. I’m sorry that boys are actually very filial people. He doesn’t just want to bring his parents over, but at the same time. Willing to pick up the woman’s parents. In my opinion, he may simply think that his parents are older, in their sixties, to put it bluntly, life span is only that long, and it is natural to want to take care of them. Obviously, the woman is more willing to live a life of a young couple, and prefer a free life. I think, either one party will compromise or come up with a compromise plan, which is acceptable to both parties. If they are unwilling to make concessions, then they should not be together. After marriage, there will only be conflicts. Of course, I would suggest that the female protagonist choose the latter two options. Compromise directly is not a good choice.

strongman
7 months ago

Those who persuade the division have never heard of demolition of ten temples without ruining a marriage? The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been a big problem since ancient times. Many of our generation are studying outside, working outside, and buying houses outside. As parents get older, taking care of their parents is a reality we have to face. My hair is a child, he has only one boy in his family, he has two older sisters, and his parents are about 60 years old. He works in other provinces, married a local daughter-in-law, and bought a house locally. He has not yet I took my parents to live there, but when he was giving birth, his mother used to take care of him. The result was frequent feuds and conflicts. The worst I heard was that his mother ran out at night and almost jumped into the river. As a man, I also hope to bring my parents to live with me, for me to grow up, for me to study, for me to marry a daughter-in-law, it is not easy for the elderly, but also consider that the daughter-in-law and the parents are not yet familiar with it. The two sides, the gap in concepts, and the gap in living habits, must first do a good job for both sides, otherwise there is a high probability that they will both look at each other. Talking about the woman is too direct. The two are obviously not discussing the conversation. One I will inform you, and the other will immediately object. You can tell your husband, we are just married now, can we wait for two years and then take over to live together? There are also elderly people who have no acquaintances here. If they leave the living area they are familiar with, whether they can stay and feel uncomfortable, it is better for us to work harder, and then we will buy a small house near us and let them come over. When the time comes, you will be close, it will be convenient to take care of, and life will not be awkward. They may also have a better time. In fact, as long as two people talk with a problem-solving attitude, these things can be resolved. Don’t be particularly determined when you come up. This is the case with husbands and wives. You can’t just think about yourself. Sometimes you have to think about each other.

stockin
7 months ago

Your boyfriend doesn’t love you at all. If you don’t want to live with your parents, it’s not filial; your uncomfortable groaning during your menstrual period is hypocritical; you eat and sleep for a while without cleaning the dishes, it’s delicious and lazy; if you step on an ant while walking, it’s vicious; you’re pregnant. All kinds of ups and downs, I guess he will roll his eyes at you… the most annoying this kind of person, under the guise of filial piety, kidnap others morally. The crux of this question is not a question of filial piety or filial piety at all. The crux of the question is: you and him are about to become husband and wife, and you two will form a small family. When facing any problems, you should stand on a unified front. But now it’s alright. Your boyfriend and his parents belong to the family. You are an outsider, do you understand? Girl, if you marry far away, it will be even worse. Their whole family unites to bully you, and they often give you a big moral hat: you must get up early and work in the dark to make money, and when you go home, you must contract all housework, wash and cook. Otherwise you are just lazy and lazy. Is it hard to pick your thorn and find an excuse to accuse you? In the future, you will have a lot of disputes about living habits and children’s education issues-because your boyfriend has never thought that the small family formed by him and you is called home. He will not prioritize your relationship and your feelings. Today, regardless of your feelings, he morally kidnapped you, attacked you… devalued you. I didn’t ask you the specific reasons for not living together, or your specific feelings. As a boyfriend, is he considerate of you? The relationship between husband and wife is always superior to other relationships. Your boyfriend ignores your feelings, which is terrible. In short, a qualified husband should put his wife’s feelings first, instead of blaming you for ignoring your feelings. He should consult your opinion first: I want to take my parents over for support, what do you think? If you disagree, he can’t force you, he can only figure out how to do it, and he can do his filial piety without living together. It’s that simple. Whenever you encounter something, you are wronged by your own wife, and then you can save your face outside. This kind of husband, you will feel better after marrying. I really can’t feel that your boyfriend loves you~ Maybe you are the tool of their family inheritance… If it weren’t for the secular perspective and the pressure of the parents, he might not want to fall in love and get married. He and his parents are true love…In short, this kind of couple is not a one-hearted marriage, and it will become more and more difficult in the future. When one day when you two become red-faced in the fight, you can only bear it or go… What does it matter? You can find a girlfriend again. There is only one parent… This is the logic of your boyfriend.

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