My mother suffered from breast malignant tumor last year and has completed surgery and chemotherapy, but the doctor said that the recurrence rate is relatively high.

My girlfriend and I have known each other for four years, fell in love for one year, and work together. The three views are in harmony, there are few quarrels, the relationship is very good, and I have plans to get married.

I have a master degree. The girlfriend has a bachelor degree and is an external employee of a state-owned enterprise. My family is an ordinary family. The girlfriend is from a rural family, and his parents divorced two years ago.

After falling in love, my mother and I talked about the general situation of her family, but concealed the divorce, so I want to talk about it when we meet in the future. During the Chinese New Year this year, my mother started to force me to break up, saying that my undergraduate degree had not developed, the external job was unstable, the rural family was burdened, and she started crying and making noise, saying that my girlfriend had caused her to lose her goal in life, and that it was boring to live. Forcing me to break up with my girlfriend. I told her all the good things, crying and coaxing her for two days, but there was no effect.

After returning to work after the holiday, my mom forced me to break up. My dad sent a long list of WeChat messages all day long to tell me that my mom was panicking, crying all day, and she would die in the long run. Tell me that if you want to contribute to your family, even if you will leave regrets in your life, you must break up to make my mother happy and ensure her health.

I couldn’t stand the pressure from my mother’s health. When I thought of giving up, I told my girlfriend all the things that forced me to break up at home, and expressed my intention to let it go. But my girlfriend said that she didn’t want to let go. She cherished our feelings very much and hoped that I could hold on for a while and expressed willingness to bear the pressure and burden from my family with me (the follow-up treatment of my mother may require a lot of money). I was moved by my girlfriend and I was willing to continue, but I only persisted for less than a week. During that week, my dad repeatedly used my mother’s body to force me, whether during the day or night, as long as I calm down , In my head, my mother was crying, and then she fainted and sent to rescue after crying.

So, I lied to my mother that I had broken up, and I hope she can stop crying. My girlfriend felt sorry for me and was forced to accept it.

In the next half month, my mother and I didn’t contact much, and only a little bit of WeChat was sporadic and polite. On the one hand, I was really sad, and felt that my parents did not respect my ideas at all. On the other hand, you may also want to continue to fight with them in this way. At the same time, maybe my mother is still angry with me, so she doesn’t contact me either.

Then my dad and other relatives in my family kept persuading me to say that my mother was sick and the most important thing about her health was to tell me not to stand up against her anymore, and let me call my mother to greet her and make me more sensible. I thought about caring about my mother, but I really don’t want to be forced to do things anymore. I am now afraid of receiving news from my family. I have been entangled, depressed, and insomnia. I feel that I have been shrouded in the shadow of family responsibilities. There is no ego.

I don’t know what to do next. I don’t want to take the initiative to relax the relationship with my mother in the near future, but I am afraid that my mother will always be uncomfortable and the condition will return.

In the long run, should I seek my mother’s consent again? I thought about it for a while and then looked for opportunities to fight for it, but I was afraid that fighting would cause my mother to be sad and to relapse. If the fight fails, I will not obey and go to get the certificate, maybe my mother will really be angry enough to relapse. Even if the fight is successful, the divorce of her parents is a time bomb and will explode at any time.

And I can’t drag it all the time. I know that girls’ youth is precious, and if they drag it down to the girlfriend’s house, there may be some opinions.

zhiwo

By zhiwo

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helpmekim
8 months ago

Thank you very much for your answers. I am the girlfriend of the subject. This article was published after discussion by the two of us. As for the description of the man’s mother and his family, almost all of the article is to let everyone know the man more clearly. The reason for the parental objection and the intensity of the objection. Our love affair was informed to both parents after we felt that the relationship was stable. Since we work in a company or even an office, we get along day and night, so we choose to be together after getting to know each other deeply. During the time we were together, we worked together and traveled together. The three views were the same. Almost never quarreled, and occasionally quarreled. I also played tricks. He was very good, considerate and tolerant of me. We believed that we would spend the rest of our lives together. Yes, so during the Chinese New Year we plan to see him at my house on 5.1 first, and then I will visit him at his house. After the two of us have finalized it, we will discuss with our parents. Returning to the work unit a year later, it may be a woman’s natural sixth sense. I always feel that he has something on his mind. Under my persecution, he told the reason why his parents objected. I was shocked after hearing this. A bachelor’s degree is an indisputable fact. Informal work is also at the beginning of graduation. I want to meet the world in a state-owned enterprise and accumulate experience. I want to prepare for a future job change. I was born in a rural family. My parents divorced and have a sister, but the family is not poor, my mother I bought a loan house for me in the six districts of the city. My younger sister is raised by my father, and my parents have regular jobs and have the ability to raise my younger sister as an adult. Although there is no retirement salary, there is a certain amount of savings for the elderly. The family insists that marrying a daughter is not selling a daughter. Principle, there is no bad habit of marrying. So even if he explained my situation and our future plans clearly, the aunt still couldn’t accept it and even washed her face in tears all day long. In those few days, I saw the pressure put on him by his parents and his relatives. He has persisted hard and firm, but in the face of cancer patients, these persistence seems to be less important than her health and life, even if these They are all based on sacrificing the happiness of their own son, but they always think that this is only a short-term loss for him, but in exchange for future light. So we pretended to break up, he continued to fight silently, and accompanied me to prepare for the civil service exam and decided to make up for his academic qualifications and work so that he could seek opportunities in the future. As for the aunt’s condition, the situation is stable after the chemotherapy. Because she has commercial insurance, this illness did not cause an economic crisis. It may just be that the follow-up medications are expensive. The boyfriend’s family is currently able to buy a set with me in the city. Houses of equal or better price. Of course, I am very clear and understand that having a cancer patient in the family may bring unpredictable risks to the future life, and having two or more cancer patients in the family may increase the risk of the disease. But giving up for something that must happen and what may happen will definitely regret the life-long love because letting go, and I always feel less reconciled. I only agree that he wronged me once for his parents. If my parents still disagree before October next year, everything will be cut off. This is a naive commitment between two adults, but we must also pay for our actions. Thanks again to everyone for your advice and suggestions. These will definitely play an indispensable role in our actual struggle. If there is good news in the future, I will share it with you, thank you.

heloword
8 months ago

I’m a little frustrated, and I don’t know how to answer, but I want to try to answer strongly because I don’t like your mother’s behavior. These years, it’s not easy to find someone who is in love with you. Your family is not a rich family, so what can you dislike? As the old saying goes, I would rather demolish ten temples than destroy a marriage. Your mother doesn’t understand this, how can you do things like sticking a mandarin duck. There will always be problems of this and that in life, and you need to make your own choices. Some patients with breast cancer are indeed a little bit paranoid. Everything is based on what they think. Others don’t listen. She thinks she’s doing this for your own good. To put it ugly, it’s a force, and she doesn’t look down upon other girls. This is also understandable. It is human nature. Parents hope that their children will not suffer hardship. It is best to find a girl with a decent or even wealthy family to get married to reduce the burden. Regarding breast cancer, I am pretty sure that recurrence and metastasis are mainly related to the condition, and the relationship with mood and sleep is not that there is no, but it is very small. But obviously your mother will not admit this. So you are very embarrassed. If you don’t listen to your mother, you will have to bear the name of unfilial piety in case it really recurs. If you listen to it, it hurts the heart of other girls, it will become a deep thorn, which may be hidden in your heart for decades. Maybe this is your favorite girl in this life. I only ask you one thing, whether the relationship with your girlfriend is really firm and you like each other very much. If they are not firm enough, forget it. After passing this level, it will be difficult for the two families to reconcile, so it is better to break up as soon as possible. If you really like each other, love is stronger than Jin Jian. Then your mother’s matter is not difficult to solve, it’s a trivial matter. Chairman Mao said: Fighting with people is full of joy. You need to understand your mother’s behavior, and then fight with your mother. You can fight for everything by yourself and plan reasonably. The general rule is simple: you only need to prove that the consequences of breaking up with the girl are serious, obviously more serious than marrying the two of you. Your mother will agree when she sees that this is not okay. The first step: first explain to your girlfriend what you plan to do, and leave temporarily. You also need to persuade your leaders to understand and support. I think reasonable leaders should understand, and maybe they can improve some relationships. This is a good thing for the elderly that month. Step 2: Show your depression and pain. Life is like a play. It depends on acting. Now is the time for you to perform. For example, drinking with relatives and friends constantly, crying about how affectionate you are with your girlfriend, why your mother doesn’t understand you, you must tell yourself that you think life is boring, don’t want to go to work, or even get drunk several times. But don’t go too far. Even if you get along with your parents, you have to be depressed and in a very bad mood. Or you can enter and exit the casino several times. It is best to be seen by relatives and friends, and to give others a feeling of sadness and despair. The third step: a fatal blow. The leader you persuaded directly called your father and asked you what happened, and told you in a stern tone: you are now at work, often ask for leave, often drunk and leave early. The superiors are very dissatisfied with you now, it is best to hint If so, you may have to fire you and ask your father to help correct your behavior. (But in fact, of course you have to work hard). Through the above operations, I think your father and relatives may turn to work hard to persuade your mother to accept your girlfriend. If your mother is relieved and agrees with you together, and your girlfriend behaves more well-behaved, sensible and progressive, and treats the elderly better, I think the resistance will be much less. In the end, I don’t know if what I wrote is correct, it’s just my own judgment and what I will do. It’s man-made, so I think about whether or not to adopt it. good luck.

helpyme
8 months ago

Your mother suffered from a tumor last year. You and your girlfriend have been talking for a year now. Is it almost time? Will my mother be diagnosed first, or do you and your girlfriend fall in love first? Why didn’t my mother say anything earlier, and suddenly attacked you after a year? The truth may not be that complicated. Your mother may not care at all, just whoever you talk to, just find someone for the New Year, and calculate that her illness was brought by your girlfriend. Just drive away your girlfriend and she will be fine. Many people who have just experienced life and death will start to be superstitious, which is too common. You can ask your father or someone close to you for verification. She’s telling the truth and she’s afraid that you don’t take it seriously, she can only hear what is hard to hear. If I guessed correctly, don’t rush to kill the fortune-teller. Give him some money to perform the show. This time, he will recalculate his girlfriend as Dongfang Jingliuli World Medicine Buddha or Dongji Qinghua the Great Emperor Taiyi Save the Suffering Tianzun. The body is fine. This method is useful even if your mother hasn’t had a fortune-telling. In this way, not only is this pass now, but in the future your mother will be under control of her illness, and credit will be credited to your girlfriend (fairy). Maybe she can still be a top-notch mother-in-law for decades, spoil her daughter-in-law, and the whole family will be happy. Ankang. Because the question is you, not your girlfriend, she may not be able to see the answer, or she may not change her mind or drive away. There are enough answers to persuading points. Under the premise that persuading points are invalid, I can only answer this way for her to marry you in the future and have a more relaxed life.

sina156
8 months ago

Kidnapped by sickness? Reliant? Your mother is now using this disease to coerce you to break up, and you have gone. To force you to marry and have a baby with someone you don’t like, you never do? Your mother doesn’t like someone you really like, and asks you to share it, or you will die for you. What should you do? Concession step by step, step by step. Besides, if there are cancer patients in the family, it would be good if they don’t dislike you. In the later stage of various metastases, there may be many holes and how much money it will cost. It must be stated that there is no discrimination against patients here. Judging from your description alone, your mother is paranoid and controlled. You will listen to her all the time. But I’m a little curious, don’t your relatives, friends and colleagues also like your girlfriend? It is recommended to solicit opinions. If more than half of the opponents are opposed, there may be a real problem. It is better to separate.

yahoo898
8 months ago

Your mother’s mentality is very simple. She wants you to find a girl with good family conditions, who can make up for the huge economic deficit of your family’s treatment of her illness. Look at your mother’s behavior: undergraduate degree has not developed, external employment is unstable, rural families are burdened, and she began to cry and make noise, saying that my girlfriend has caused her to lose her goal in life and is boring to live. The meaning is very clear, that is, your girlfriend is incapable, and the family conditions are poor, so you can’t use the money to post your home, help her treat her illness, and keep her alive. I have cancer, and my limited life time is running out. Why do you blame your girlfriend? And she has to spend more money to treat her illness. Where does the more money come from? She thinks that if you train you to such a high degree, you will naturally find a good girl to post money to treat her. After you broke up, the next step is to force you to find a good girl to marry her and give her a happy life. In fact, she wants people to post money to treat her illness. Isn’t this whimsical? I have seen many cancer patients. Even if the doctors say that the cure rate is high, it really depends on your luck. Most of them can’t last too long. People’s desire to survive in this situation caused her to have many illusions, forcing her relatives to use unrealistic actions to keep her alive. And you have to ask yourself, do you want to accompany your mother to this dream? Or if you really broke up with your girlfriend, you can make her feel better, and her cancer can be cured? Or is cancer relieved by your breaking up? In fact, everyone knows that this is useless. But she is your mother after all. In this situation, it won’t work to stimulate her too much. You choose to lie to her that you have broken up with your girlfriend and give her peace of mind. This step is right. You should see her or go to see, whether you should make a call or make a call, not mentioning your girlfriend for the time being. You have to understand that the life time of cancer patients will not be too long, and your mother will not be able to accompany you in the future. And your family’s treatment of your mother’s illness requires a lot of savings. It’s not a good family condition. With your academic qualifications, it’s probably difficult to change this situation for a while. If you lose this girlfriend, based on your mother’s condition, you want to do it again. I’m afraid it will be two or three years later. At that time, your age is older, and the future of marriage and love may be even more dangerous. And your girlfriend is willing to accompany you. You broke up with her for this absurd reason at this time. She is also a divorced family. Can you quickly get over the relationship? Are you delaying her? So next, you can continue to hide your mother’s filial piety and your girlfriend’s feelings, and balance the business together, do not miss the two, wait for the time to make the public. The future belongs to you, not your mother. If you cannot achieve a balance between filial piety and affection, then break up decisively and don’t harm others as soon as possible.

leexin
8 months ago

Tell a different story. I just came back from the hospital, just coaxed the baby, the wife went to take a nap, and I accompanied the baby to crawl in her small enclosure. The mother-in-law’s cancer has recurred and she is preparing for chemotherapy. I went to the hospital the day before yesterday and gave the treatment plan today. We have known each other for three and a half years. In the six months she first met, her mother had breast cancer detected. Her mother is a sensitive and fragile woman, not so delicate in life, all her heart is spent on her family. I am timid and like to think about things. After an operation, the whole person was scared to paralysis. My dad and I both helped a little bit and asked the doctor to arrange the ward. My wife’s family thought that these two people in our family were pretty good, so we decided on the wedding date. In the second year, the recovered mother-in-law wore a cheongsam and attended our wedding in good spirits. At the beginning of last year, my daughter-in-law became pregnant. At that time, I started a new company. Her mother came to live with us and take care of my daughter-in-law’s diet and daily life. At the end of the year, when a healthy and cute baby was born, the mother-in-law continued to live at home. She likes our little girl very much, and the little girl likes her the most-even I often eat the jealousy of my mother-in-law, and the “gong fighting drama” is often staged at home. The little princess is often asked by us, whether I like my father or grandmother the best; the little princess party He stared and rounded his eyes, indicating that he likes to eat hands and hands the most. It was a very happy time. A few days ago, the mother-in-law re-examined and found a lump in the liver. That day, I was having a meeting with my little R&D girl at the company. My wife WeChat told me that the inspection was over and I was going to be hospitalized. At that time, my eyes were blurred, I threw the document at the little girl’s place, said a few words, and left the office with tears in my eyes, found a quiet corner and catted myself, feeling helpless for a long, long time. I also have knots. Ten years ago, my favorite person, my mother, left me. Because the daughter-in-law was pregnant and the child was born, I have lived with my mother-in-law for a year. She loves me very much, just like her own child. She is not the same as my mother, she doesn’t have that much culture, and she doesn’t know much about the world, but you can really feel her sincerity for you in her. I love her and I have a mother again. My wife and I, my mother who has been waiting for a long time, my little princess, we are together, and the happy days begin. The cancer recurred and spread to the liver, which is bad news. In the past few days, when I came home, I always pretended to be the most calm person. In fact, I was suffering as much as my daughter-in-law. The night before the mother-in-law went to the hospital, we were all with her husband, her daughter, and me. She only said a few words to me alone, telling me not to drink, and telling me to take good care of my daughter-in-law. She said that she knew that only I could protect my daughter-in-law. She saw it and she was confident. As soon as the happy days began, the sky suddenly became gray. Today is a day when many things have settled down. A very active treatment plan can guarantee my mother’s quality of life for many years. I want her to watch my baby grow up so that the baby can remember the person she loved most when she was a child. There is hope for everything, and there is light ahead. Life has never been so easy, my father used to say, the sky falls down as a quilt. Now, if the sky is going to fall, I will carry it, and I will take care of my mother and all the people I love. Subject, I don’t know if my experience inspires you. Between the lines, I can feel that you are still a child, and you are too immature to take on these things; your relationship may be hot, but it may not be deep, and it may not be able to withstand the polishing of life. Let’s grow up, let’s talk about love or not when we grow up, it will be more worthy at that time. Life is not so satisfying. In the chaotic, even dark days, try to create light and warm the people you love. To me, this is love.

greatword
8 months ago

You should break up. When your girlfriend marries you, there will be conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in the newly married family. This is simply a warning of disaster that can be seen with the naked eye. Your mother is terminally ill and has an absolute advantage in public opinion. As long as your girlfriend doesn’t obey your mother, you will face criticism from your relatives. If your mother is seriously ill, who will take care of it? You are busy at work. Of course, it is your girlfriend, an external employee of a state-owned enterprise who takes care of him. She was married in the first place, and it is not a promising job. Should you quit and serve your mother-in-law? (Not my opinion, just speculative opinions of your family) If you have been together for several years to have children, your mother will definitely not have the physical resources to take care of it. I don’t think grandma is the duty of grandma, but the absence of a helping person will also bring a lot of trouble to life. Why do you answer the subject and support the subject to be together for love? To continue together is to push the girl into the fire pit. Young couples may think that love can conquer everything. From a practical point of view, a mother-in-law who has a strong desire for control + terminal illness + dislikes her daughter-in-law can definitely defeat your love within a few years. Break up. In a few years you will thank those who persuade you.

loveyou
8 months ago

There are many kinds of moral kidnapping, but they never change. Their common feature is: use their own interests to persuade others to do things according to their own wishes! I would like to say a few “cold knowledge” to the subject: 1. China has a long history of moral kidnapping culture, from the ancient times “Hundred good filial piety first” and “The ministers die for the king” to the present “996 is blessing”. 2. China’s traditional interpersonal relationship is a vertical relationship between superiors and superiors. Children listen to their parents. But equality between people has been written into the new Chinese Constitution. The new interpersonal relationship is horizontal, and your parents are no longer your immediate superiors. 3. Chinese law stipulates the freedom of marriage, no matter who it is, it is illegal to interfere with the freedom of marriage. 4. Parents raising children are the raising obligations stipulated by the law. You do not owe any favors to your parents! 5. In the process of raising you by your parents, you get resources, and they get psychological satisfaction, which is an equal exchange. Besides, you have the obligation to support the elderly. 6. The correct parent-child relationship is “because you exist, so parents are happy”, not “because you are obedient, so parents are happy”. 7. Subject separation. Your mother’s body is your mother’s, not yours, your body is yours, not hers. She is so angry about you, this is hers, not yours! 8. We only need to pay to those who appreciate ourselves, not to please everyone. If your mother does not approve of what you did, then she is not worth the effort. 9. What others think of me has nothing to do with me, I just need to be myself!

strongman
8 months ago

It is suggested that the subject of the subject should treat his body in his own way. Your mother is forced by cancer, then you will also develop a “depression” to force you, stand at the window and blow the air when nothing is wrong, create the illusion that you want to jump off; secretly hide snacks, and then skip meals at home, talk about life It doesn’t make sense anymore. What do you eat? After that, no organs will be good everywhere. In short, how bad your mother’s health is, your health will be even worse. However, it is recommended that even if you marry your girlfriend, keep your girlfriend away from your parents. Your parents’ paranoia is terrible…

stockin
8 months ago

But my girlfriend said that she didn’t want to let go. She cherished our feelings and hoped that I could persevere and expressed willingness to bear the pressure and burden from my family with me (my mother’s follow-up treatment may require a lot of money). Reading this, I There were tears in his eyes. What a good girl this is! Knowing that marrying you will bear a lot of financial pressure because of your mother’s illness, I still follow you without hesitation. After you said your parents’ objections, she still insisted. Explain that this girl loves you very much. Change to a normal girl, when you learn that your parents object. And, when you see your stance is shaken, you will roll the ball a long time ago. However, I sympathize with you in this matter. One side is family affection, and the other side is love. While embodying filial piety, while showing loyalty. Especially, if your mother objected, it was your father who was fair. Your parents object, your relatives will speak for you. It can be said that no one in your family is facing you. And the only person on the same front with you is your girlfriend. I really love your girlfriend, all, give you an idea. The root of everything lies in your parents, especially your mother, failing to see the situation clearly. Generally, I have a terminal illness, so what kind of bicycle do I need? Worrying that my son and girlfriend will dislike him is not half of the time, he will dislike others first. Breaking up is definitely not breaking up. This girl is very good, I hope you don’t miss it. I don’t advocate working against my mother. After all, she is your mother, and she has cancer. I also hope that everyone will not spray the subject. Although it may be a bit “duty and filial,” it is always a filial person. I think I can try the following train of thought: Old people, especially those who are terminally ill, have the greatest wish to see their son marry a wife and have children. I believe your mother thinks the same way. She opposes your girlfriend because she is biased against her bachelor degree and her rural background. But you must not be prejudiced against your girlfriend! At this time, be sure to let your girlfriend take “reassurance pills” and tell her that she will not marry in this life. Then, tell her about the idea I gave you. First with your parents, pretend to break up with your girlfriend. I believe that as long as you say that you are breaking up, your mother will give you a confession as soon as possible. On the one hand, she definitely wants to hug her grandson, on the other hand, she definitely wants you to have a new girlfriend and forget this girlfriend completely. When giving an introduction, it’s time to meet up. When meeting, tell the truth. What are you talking about? Just talk about your family’s situation, the main pen and ink should be used for your mother’s illness. If you don’t know what to say, I will write it down briefly for you, and you can memorize it as a line. My mother had cancer in the first two years, and the family’s money was almost spent. There are still a lot of treatments in the later period. I hope that if the two of us succeed, we will bear the treatment costs in the later period. In addition, since I was a child, I have listened to what my mother said, and I have to listen to everything my mother said. I can’t promise you anything yet. Because if we two get along well, we still have to pass my mother’s level. It probably means this. This is a bit daunting, but we are not deceiving. Then, unless you look like Andy Lau, ordinary girls will tell you after hearing these words. If you don’t blow, you can freely show your shortcomings. If there are no shortcomings, you can pick your nostrils in front of a girl and rub your feet or something, right? Anyway, be sure to let the other party mention that you are missing. Your mother will find out if you have photographed a couple of times like this. Damn! I found that I overestimated my son. I thought that my son had a master’s degree, so how could a girl not find it? Unexpectedly, he is relatively weak in the marriage market. As for you, don’t be idle. It’s time to comfort your mother and say: “Mom, I think it over, I will live by myself in this life. Especially those women, when they hear that you are sick and need to spend money, they show that they dislike you. I can’t stand it. I won’t see anyone who introduced me in the future. I’ll live by myself.” When you say this, you must show your disappointment in marriage and hatred of women. Moreover, as long as you are in front of your parents, don’t edit the space as soon as possible. Over time, even if they don’t say accept your girlfriend of choice, the balance in their hearts will tilt like her. Hey! It now appears that my son’s original subject, at least he did not dislike me as a cancer patient. Then, intentionally or unintentionally, you say that your girlfriend is good and see how your mother responds. If she feels that she is not disgusted with her girlfriend, she needs relatives to come forward. Do you still have grandparents? If not, is there any uncle or uncle? In your family, there must be someone who speaks a lot, right? If you think that your mother might save face when someone talks about it, buy some fruits, tobacco, alcohol, and so on. When I meet, I will sincerely tell the elder the facts about how I love my girlfriend and how my girlfriend loves me. My girlfriend did not dislike my mother at all. Later, when she met her on a blind date, she disliked my mother…..Then, I told my relatives that my wish was that my mother could hold her grandson while she was alive, and entrust this relative to do it. Parents’ work. At this time, what your parents need is a step. As soon as the relatives’ face is given, the two of them will go down the steps. I think there is great feasibility, you can give it a try, and good luck. Don’t thank me, I can also trouble you something: If you are not firm and eventually dump your girlfriend, can you introduce her to my cousin? My cousin is also a master. He doesn’t care about the other party’s education or whether he is from the countryside.

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