Let’s discuss the question first, that is, will quarrel definitely hurt feelings? Perhaps in most people’s perception, the answer is yes. Because we have seen too many couples or couples who broke up because of quarrels. Just like my student Xiaoxue, he and her boyfriend met at a gathering of friends. The two fell in love at first sight, so the boy added Xiaoxue’s WeChat account and continued to pursue her after he got up. Xiaoxue felt that the boy was really good to herself, and was moved by his persistence, so she agreed to the relationship between the two. In the first period of time, the two people get along very well, but as the time gets longer, the differences in the two people’s personalities become more prominent, and then they start quarreling every day, regardless of the big or small things, regardless of the occasion. Quarrel. My student is a girl with an insecure heart, so every time two people finish arguing, his heart becomes very painful and entangled. He feels that the emotional rift between the two has deepened again, and There is no way to make up. Sometimes he even hopes to reverse time, hoping that the two people have never quarreled, but when the two people have a conflict the next time, he can’t help but yell at his boyfriend. Later, with the quarrels again and again, the relationship between the two people became worse and worse, and in the end they could only break up. Since then, the quarrel has left a deep shadow in the heart of me as a student. In the next few relationships, she became disgusted with quarrels, and sometimes she suffered a lot of grievances, but in order to avoid conflict, she would rather swallow all the grievances in her stomach, but such tolerance There was no exchange for a stable relationship. On the contrary, the boyfriend began to pay less and less attention to him, and the relationship between the two people began to become unbalanced. In the end, these relationships still came to the end of the breakup. When things got here, Xiaoxue’s heart began to become painful and contradictory. You said that this quarrel hurts feelings, and if I don’t quarrel, I will break up, so what should I do? Even though quarreling is only a way of communication in itself, there is no difference between good and bad, what really affects each other’s feelings is the way two people quarrel. When I was very young, there lived a middle-aged couple next door to my hometown. This couple had a long-standing habit, that is, every Monday they would hold hands and go to the nearby supermarket to buy things. Why is there such a strange habit? It turns out that the old couple have very bad tempers. They quarrel at home and even hit each other. But they agreed with each other that no matter who was right or wrong in this quarrel, the two of them must take the initiative to reconcile with each other the next day. When the two people quarreled the most, they were together on weekends. Because they had a long break, they would go to the supermarket on Monday to buy things that were smashed the previous day. However, although two people quarreled so severely almost every day, because they could control each other’s quarrel within a reasonable range, the relationship was not particularly affected. On the contrary, some people may have a bad impression of quarrels, thinking that quarrels will definitely hurt feelings, so they always want to be patient. As a result, the more they tolerate the relationship between two people, the worse. Since the way of quarreling is so important, what should we do so that the quarrel does not hurt feelings? Today I will teach you two methods. The first method is to have a purpose in the quarrel and not to vent your emotions blindly. In relationships, there is a way of quarreling that is the most emotional, that is, when two people quarrel, they lose their tempers. They quarrel purely for the sake of quarrel, and after the quarrel, no problem is solved. Instead, they have their own lives The anger caused the contradiction between each other to deepen and deepen, so that it could not be reconciled in the end. And in this type of couple, there is often a bad point, that is, they will never take the initiative to apologize or show weakness after the quarrel, so that this tense relationship can be improved, but for the so-called face or It’s the truth to say that the words are dead, and the road is cut off. You can neither lay down your own face nor give others a step down, then you think. The final result can be imagined. The correct approach is that before you quarrel with your lover, we must tell ourselves repeatedly that quarreling is not the purpose, and the purpose of quarreling is to solve the problem, so in order to achieve this purpose, we cannot blindly blame each other, even in any matter. We must face our opponents at all levels and make independent comparisons. On the contrary, we have to learn to listen, and we have to give the other party enough time to finish his words. There is another very important point. We must tell each other clearly what our needs are. Since our need is to hope that men can spend more time with us for a while, then we should not blindly accuse men of negligence and lack of responsibility. Since our demand is to hope that men can drink less and take care of their own body, you should not tell him that if you drink alcohol in the future, you will give me sleep on the street. Only when we express our own needs clearly, men will be more likely to focus their energy on solving the problems between two people. The second method is to tell more facts and less conclusions when quarreling with your lover. So what is the fact? What is the conclusion? Let me give you an example. For example, when the two of you quarrel, we might say something like: I feel that you don’t care about me at all. This is a conclusion. But if we say that, you played the game for a day today and did not accompany me, I am sad, this is a fact. Why should we say more facts and less conclusions in quarrels? This is because in the process of quarreling, most of our own conclusions are negative, and such conclusions full of negative evaluations will make the other party rebellious, and ultimately our conclusions will hardly be correct. When you hear it in your heart, you can’t communicate effectively. But if we say things, the details and facts of life, this problem will not arise. Because the other party also admits to these issues, he can’t refute it, and he is more likely to accept these facts. In this way, the quarrel between two people is easier to enter a virtuous circle.

zhiwo

By zhiwo

0 0 vote
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
11 Comments
Most Voted
Newest Oldest
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
helpmekim
7 months ago

You have to reflect on yourself and how you are used to his problem. The reason why he blocked you when he quarreled means that this trick worked for you. Recall whether every time you quarreled and refused to give in, when the other party blocked you, you became anxious, and then you ran to apologize and admit your mistake. . Having said that, your boyfriend’s behavior is quite naive, a bit like a little girl of first love. It would be fine if he really tried to scare you to achieve his goal by deleting the blackout as I said above. There is also a bad situation, that is, he didn’t want to get along with you very much, but he was embarrassed to break up (maybe I’m sorry for you), so he waited for the opportunity and waited for a certain time. If you have a temper quarrel, then take this opportunity to block and delete it. If you don’t go to him, you will break up by default, and you can declare “fighting and breaking up”. If you want to know what kind of situation he is, that would be very easy to handle. Next time he deletes you and hacks you, you don’t want to find him, and don’t apologize. If you can take the initiative to contact you, it means there is still salvation. When he finds that this trick doesn’t work, he won’t do it again when he has to seek reconciliation by himself; if you don’t contact him, he won’t contact you. You can break up by default. Of course, if we really make a mistake and make a mistake, we still have to coax. There is no rule that a man cannot do it in a relationship, just treat him as a little girl. Who makes you like people?

heloword
7 months ago

I have an ex-girlfriend, who is even worse than your boyfriend, and also a very serious person with a glass heart. Sometimes I don’t pay attention to saying a word, so I black it out, and then I look at the screen dumbfounded. No matter what I said is right or wrong, you have to explain it to me and apologize. Another time we went to Chongqing for a trip, and then I complained about all kinds of rides, walking, and tired. As a result, she became angry at the time. She ignored me first, and then made an operation that shocked my jaw. Because she booked the ticket, she refunded my return ticket and let me go back by myself. At that time, I was really embarrassed, and in the end, it was better to say it or not. I booked the ticket again and booked the same train, but I was not in the same carriage. Finally, I begged someone to change seats with me. It’s so tiring to get along with each other, and all white hair comes out when I fall in love. So I advise you to call it early, this kind of people is really too tired to get along with. If you feel that it doesn’t matter, or even enjoy this way of getting along, then go ahead.

helpyme
7 months ago

I like to delete and black each other when I am angry. Such behavior is quite common in love, and it does not distinguish between men and women. As for the reason why the other party wants to block and delete frequently, it is because he wants to express his anger by deleting his contact information. At the same time, he wants you to see how angry he is, and then through this behavior, I hope you can be He is better. People who frequently delete blackouts, although they look strong and aggressive on the outside, are actually very insecure on the inside. The more vulnerable people are in their hearts, the more they will pretend to be strong. In addition, different people react differently to anger. A boy with high emotional intelligence, facing his girlfriend annoyed him, may know how to control his negative emotions first, and then calmly express his anger in words, similar to saying to you: my dear, see you do Something, how do I feel, for me, what is my needs, so I hope you can do what you do. But for boys with a slightly lower EQ, they don’t know what to do if they make them angry when facing their girlfriends. Boys may have a lot of thoughts in their hearts, and they hope that the woman can do something for themselves to be better for themselves, but the boys themselves don’t know how to express them through words, so they can only express him by deleting and pulling black. The anger in my heart. The man cares about this relationship, but on the other hand, he lacks the ability to love someone, so sometimes his love may become a kind of hurt. Leave an uncertain, abandoned, powerless situation for you. Whenever you black out, there is actually a layer of control behind this. I’m upset now, I’m very angry, you don’t have the same frequency with me, and can’t realize my upset and anger, then I will blacken you. I strongly want to control you because I can’t control myself.

sina156
7 months ago

Whether to continue or not depends on what kind of attachment pattern you have. 1. Whether the attachment pattern is good or bad, it depends on whether it matches. The reason why you consider whether to continue is that your boyfriend’s attachment pattern is troublesome for you. But this is not enough to sentence your boyfriend, because we don’t know the pattern of interaction between you and your attachment pattern. Perhaps…what’s the good thing about you? Other people can’t arouse the emotions you like, so it would be too hasty to persuade you to break up with your boyfriend. So if you have similar or complementary attachment patterns with him, just keep going, don’t feel tired and want to give up. 2. Bravely break up if it’s really inappropriate, don’t be a Virgin in your relationship. If your attachment patterns are quite different, I advise you not to be the Virgin. If your boyfriend’s attachment pattern is poor, but you have a safer attachment pattern, to be honest, you will have a lot of misunderstandings about your boyfriend, and you will become more and more tired in your relationship. Maybe you have a certain healing effect on your boyfriend, but for you, your boyfriend is just a drag oil bottle. Regardless of your other aspects, but at least in terms of intimacy, you will be seriously out of balance and inappropriate. Love is for the happiness of both parties, rather than an imbalance in which one party keeps giving and the other party is saved. You can observe your attachment pattern, if you are also matching with your boyfriend, stick to it; if there is a big difference with your boyfriend, then bravely break up~

yahoo898
7 months ago

Written in the front: It is definitely wrong to delete the blackout after quarreling. But to answer your question of whether to get along, you must first know why you are always quarreling. If it is because of the same matter that does not involve principles (if it is a matter of principle and cannot be resolved, then we support breaking up), the two sides have differences and have not been resolved, then you should consider how to communicate and resolve this difficult matter, and It’s not whether you should break up. Isn’t it true that in life, if you see a dish not pleasing to the eye, you will throw a plate, and if you see a bowl not pleasing to the eye, you will throw a bowl? If it’s a different issue, you’ll need to delete and block every time you quarrel with each other, then you have to readjust your communication methods. Blocking and deleting is a kind of invalid communication. It is a type of quarrel and harsh words. It just wants to force the other party to compromise by frightening and warning the other party. In addition to hurting feelings, this method does not help solve the problem. You may delete it several times, because the other person still loves you and cares about you, so you will first bow your head and admit your mistakes regardless of who has the problem, but the time has passed. If the other party is tired, maybe that time to delete it is a goodbye. Therefore, no matter what happens between couples, things that do not involve principles should be communicated well, and things involving principles can be broken up directly. Don’t engage in such a tug-of-war to test and harm each other. It is completely meaningless. If your partner engages in this way of blocking and deleting to force you to compromise for the first time, you must solemnly tell the other party after the first reconciliation, this is an unwise way to solve the problem, don’t do it again next time In this way, you must not give the other side this kind of wrong reinforcement, that is, as soon as you force me, I will compromise unconditionally, otherwise, if this continues, there will be times when you will suffer in the future. Now I’m pulling black to delete, and I’ll dare to click the house when I’m even more angry.

leexin
7 months ago

Whether or not you should get along is the next thing you have to think about now. It should be: You need to know why he quarreled and deleted it! ! In fact, boys and girls are the same, why do we take it for granted that girls block black and delete, but boys can’t? Have you really asked what boys think? ? “Leaving with much fanfare is actually a temptation. The real leaving is silent. People who have been shouting to leave with their voices, in the end are all red-eyed, picking up the fragments that have fallen to the ground.” See here Do you think I’m going to wash the boys white? Oh, no! ! People who say they broke up after a fight probably didn’t take the end of the relationship seriously. In their hearts, apart from temptation, “breakup” may be a tool to control the lover’s emotions and achieve their own goals. Last year, the popular “desire to survive” on the Internet was a reverse routine. “Survival” routines and hard work, as if to say: “If you don’t meet my needs, I will break up with you every minute!” In fact, it is a means of high-level love pua 02. Leaving with fanfare may be a kind of soft control = It seems that many times in love pua, we will find that our lover is very hypocritical. Girls feel that their lovers are not always with them, and boys feel that girls are too temperamental to get used to. Then we need a way to “vent our temper” and “threat each other”, one of which is “Let’s break up”. In addition to hypocritical lovers, “hypocritical” friends are not uncommon around us. Looking through the circle of friends, there are always some texts and pictures that hurt the spring and sad autumn. I think that for sensitive people, these emotions are not fake, they are all real. However, in addition to these emotions, they are more importantly expressing: “Come and see me, come to care about me, come to coax me, and do what I want.” Just like a “hypocritical” person must talk when he has emotions, and a “hypocritical” lover must talk about breaking up when he has emotions. If it is said that breaking up fails to achieve his goal, then further actions need to be taken—blocking and deleting. I don’t know if he really wanted to break up this time, but he might say that he broke up a hundred times, of which 80 times he didn’t really want to leave, but more because he hoped “Look at my emotions, you coax me.” Me, spoil me and become what I want.” The most advanced pua in love is soft mind control, but you are not aware of it at all, and only from 03. We love only the imaginary ta, but why do we feel uncomfortable? Because everyone is different, what we dislike the most is being forced to be different, so when we are forced to seek peace again and again, and always take the initiative to find topics to chat with him, We seem to be controlled. At the same time, perhaps for ourselves, we also hope that the other person can be what we imagined. Just like when you first met, both sides have made beautiful settings for each other in their hearts. Then we fell in love with the other person we imagined in our hearts. He fell in love with the always considerate, gentle and tolerant you in his imagination; you fell in love with the one in your imagination that gave you a sense of security at all times, and put you on the cusp of your heart all the time he. It’s just that maybe neither of you is what the other person thinks. When the passion of love fades and we all gradually calm down, whether we can see the other person’s true appearance and whether both parties can try to change for each other is the key to whether the relationship can continue. Finally, perhaps for the original poster, the important thing is not to identify him or not to love me. In fact, it is difficult for us to really identify clearly. But I believe that if there is no love, you will not come together. More importantly, the host should try to see, can I get rid of the fog of my imagination and see the real him, am I still willing to love him like this? And is he willing to accept my shortcomings, my truth? The above is my point of view. To clarify the reasons I said, the next step is whether you should continue to get along with him, or whether you should find the reason and go on. Others say no matter how much it is just a suggestion, the final decision is yours. Hands.

greatword
7 months ago

The biggest problem with people who are blocked and deleted after a fight is their avoidance. They don’t want to face this problem. They are afraid of being entangled by you, and feel that they can’t tell you the same thing, so they choose to block and delete. If this is the case every time, you will delete the blackout when you quarrel, and develop a habit, because the other party will think this is the most direct way to solve the problem, then the teacher would like to ask, every time I delete the blackout, what happened in the end? It’s added back. There is also a mentality that every time I quarrel, I don’t want to reconcile with you. I don’t want to let my heart soften and make you give up. At the same time, in order to make my ears quieter (because you have been entangled for a long time, you always delete the blackout. It is reconciled and added back, so in your case, this possibility is relatively small)

loveyou
7 months ago

After a glance, the first answer said that this is an avoidant personality. I don’t know if it is a high probability, but I always quarreled with my ex-girlfriend. Later, after I quarreled with my wife, I just quarreled. All kinds of coaxes (of course, I will admit my mistake directly). Understand, there is no evasive personality at all, it just didn’t treat you as a matter of course. I pulled it black if I wanted to, and I pulled it back if I wanted to come back, huh? Not interested at all.

strongman
7 months ago

I have encountered the following situation. The woman is cold and violent in reality, and she loses her temper when she doesn’t agree with her. Meeting or chatting is like a landmine. She blows up her hair if she doesn’t know why. She has to be cautious and wait on the emperor every time. She doesn’t have the right to argue, just keep it. Silence, she will put on a look that makes sense to me. I was so angry that I blacked my contact information, who I loved, and then I was asked what the situation was, and I was also asked why I was so immature, it was terrible. I wonder if you have this situation yourself? I am already a little scared of the opposite sex now. I am always afraid that after getting acquainted with it and paying a lot, the other party will suddenly reveal itself, really like spending money and being psychologically abused.

stockin
7 months ago

Has your boyfriend not grown up yet? Pulling black to delete is an extremely immature performance. A man who can’t control his emotions, a man who hasn’t grown up yet, do you still want to get along? If so, then you should make your boyfriend aware of his problem. Let him face his emotions and let him know that he should change. At the same time, you have to be prepared: after marriage, you may not only need to take care of your children, but your boyfriend will be another “child”.

11
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x