Let’s discuss the question first, that is, will quarrel definitely hurt feelings? Perhaps in most people’s perception, the answer is yes. Because we have seen too many couples or couples who broke up because of quarrels. Just like my student Xiaoxue, he and her boyfriend met at a gathering of friends. The two fell in love at first sight, so the boy added Xiaoxue’s WeChat account and continued to pursue her after he got up. Xiaoxue felt that the boy was really good to herself, and was moved by his persistence, so she agreed to the relationship between the two. In the first period of time, the two people get along very well, but as the time gets longer, the differences in the two people’s personalities become more prominent, and then they start quarreling every day, regardless of the big or small things, regardless of the occasion. Quarrel. My student is a girl with an insecure heart, so every time two people finish arguing, his heart becomes very painful and entangled. He feels that the emotional rift between the two has deepened again, and There is no way to make up. Sometimes he even hopes to reverse time, hoping that the two people have never quarreled, but when the two people have a conflict the next time, he can’t help but yell at his boyfriend. Later, with the quarrels again and again, the relationship between the two people became worse and worse, and in the end they could only break up. Since then, the quarrel has left a deep shadow in the heart of me as a student. In the next few relationships, she became disgusted with quarrels, and sometimes she suffered a lot of grievances, but in order to avoid conflict, she would rather swallow all the grievances in her stomach, but such tolerance There was no exchange for a stable relationship. On the contrary, the boyfriend began to pay less and less attention to him, and the relationship between the two people began to become unbalanced. In the end, these relationships still came to the end of the breakup. When things got here, Xiaoxue’s heart began to become painful and contradictory. You said that this quarrel hurts feelings, and if I don’t quarrel, I will break up, so what should I do? Even though quarreling is only a way of communication in itself, there is no difference between good and bad, what really affects each other’s feelings is the way two people quarrel. When I was very young, there lived a middle-aged couple next door to my hometown. This couple had a long-standing habit, that is, every Monday they would hold hands and go to the nearby supermarket to buy things. Why is there such a strange habit? It turns out that the old couple have very bad tempers. They quarrel at home and even hit each other. But they agreed with each other that no matter who was right or wrong in this quarrel, the two of them must take the initiative to reconcile with each other the next day. When the two people quarreled the most, they were together on weekends. Because they had a long break, they would go to the supermarket on Monday to buy things that were smashed the previous day. However, although two people quarreled so severely almost every day, because they could control each other’s quarrel within a reasonable range, the relationship was not particularly affected. On the contrary, some people may have a bad impression of quarrels, thinking that quarrels will definitely hurt feelings, so they always want to be patient. As a result, the more they tolerate the relationship between two people, the worse. Since the way of quarreling is so important, what should we do so that the quarrel does not hurt feelings? Today I will teach you two methods. The first method is to have a purpose in the quarrel and not to vent your emotions blindly. In relationships, there is a way of quarreling that is the most emotional, that is, when two people quarrel, they lose their tempers. They quarrel purely for the sake of quarrel, and after the quarrel, no problem is solved. Instead, they have their own lives The anger caused the contradiction between each other to deepen and deepen, so that it could not be reconciled in the end. And in this type of couple, there is often a bad point, that is, they will never take the initiative to apologize or show weakness after the quarrel, so that this tense relationship can be improved, but for the so-called face or It’s the truth to say that the words are dead, and the road is cut off. You can neither lay down your own face nor give others a step down, then you think. The final result can be imagined. The correct approach is that before you quarrel with your lover, we must tell ourselves repeatedly that quarreling is not the purpose, and the purpose of quarreling is to solve the problem, so in order to achieve this purpose, we cannot blindly blame each other, even in any matter. We must face our opponents at all levels and make independent comparisons. On the contrary, we have to learn to listen, and we have to give the other party enough time to finish his words. There is another very important point. We must tell each other clearly what our needs are. Since our need is to hope that men can spend more time with us for a while, then we should not blindly accuse men of negligence and lack of responsibility. Since our demand is to hope that men can drink less and take care of their own body, you should not tell him that if you drink alcohol in the future, you will give me sleep on the street. Only when we express our own needs clearly, men will be more likely to focus their energy on solving the problems between two people. The second method is to tell more facts and less conclusions when quarreling with your lover. So what is the fact? What is the conclusion? Let me give you an example. For example, when the two of you quarrel, we might say something like: I feel that you don’t care about me at all. This is a conclusion. But if we say that, you played the game for a day today and did not accompany me, I am sad, this is a fact. Why should we say more facts and less conclusions in quarrels? This is because in the process of quarreling, most of our own conclusions are negative, and such conclusions full of negative evaluations will make the other party rebellious, and ultimately our conclusions will hardly be correct. When you hear it in your heart, you can’t communicate effectively. But if we say things, the details and facts of life, this problem will not arise. Because the other party also admits to these issues, he can’t refute it, and he is more likely to accept these facts. In this way, the quarrel between two people is easier to enter a virtuous circle.