I am 31. I have been married for more than a year. During this period, no one in my in-law’s family asked me if I plan to have a child. I personally discussed with my mother and planned to have a baby. He would help me and let me go to work after normal maternity leave. I live in a community with my in-laws. I usually do well. I naturally think that my in-laws and my parents will take turns to take the children after my maternity leave. I have no worries. I pick them up at night, and the elderly on both sides take turns taking them during the day. But my husband said, if I plan to , It’s best to take three years at home by yourself. Don’t work. He pays me a salary, which is about the same as my current salary. Because I earn less, he actually doesn’t earn much. It’s a thousand more than me. Don’t count on her parents. , His parents run a small shop by themselves. There is a grandma to take care of. My parents retired at home and served the elderly to the end. So my parents feel sorry that I can help me. Don’t count on his parents, and now I can’t ask his parents how they planned. , Would you like to help me? Don’t let me ask, am I asking too much? My thoughts are too selfish. I think I’ve been out of work for three years and the overall economic level of my family has come down. I am tired of my parents. It will be unbalanced, my insurance provident fund is broken, my circle of friends is gone, I am looking for a job three years later, he never mentioned the difficulties I thought about, and I now live on the fifth floor, west of the street non-school district, I Tell him that if we are able to change the house in the future, we will give the child a school district house and sell the current house. He, I think, I live in the man’s house, which is the start-up house bought by the man’s parents for our young couple. I was before marriage. I didn’t pick up on the house, and I didn’t want to move after marriage. I have a child and the marriage is stable. If possible, it is a good wish to sell the marriage house and buy a big house together with a loan. But my husband and I quarreled and said that the house is his parents. Yes, I can live, but don’t want to sell it. It’s the property of his parents. If you want to change the house, you can. I sold the wedding house. The amount of money sold is equivalent to the amount of money his parents paid. My parents have to pay the same money. I I didn’t say that my parents wouldn’t help, but I doubted my own perception that the man can only live in when he goes out to get married. Isn’t it for my small family? If I want to improve in five to ten years, my parents can also figure it out. Is the same amount of money okay? Is this view correct?

zhiwo

By zhiwo

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helpmekim
6 months ago

Of course not selfish, but your husband’s attitude is very strange. He doesn’t want his parents to help, not that he will take care of it with you. Instead, it is counting on your parents to help. This is obviously a non-proactive and irresponsible attitude. So in terms of the problem description, the man has no plans to have children. At least not yet. To have children and to plan for a better future is currently the plan of the woman alone, and the man is unwilling to cooperate. I don’t know if it’s because there is no mention of the reason, or if the man’s family feels that the woman is already 30+ and is about to step into the threshold of an elderly mother, their son is not in a hurry. If the woman wants it, she will find a way to take care of her, and they will easily become a grandson. It doesn’t matter if the woman doesn’t want it. Their son seizes the time to fight for a few years. If he wants to have a child in the future, he will change to a young wife. The solution is also very simple. See what you want. If you want children, divorce and find another plan to synchronize. Be pregnant and have children. Your husband is not Scorpion Baba. His life plan is so different from yours, you still have to rush to have a baby with him. What are you born for? Is widowed parenting fun? But if you look for this husband, just pinch your nose and endure it. Anyway, I chose the path myself. Walk slowly by yourself.

heloword
6 months ago

Your husband and the whole family don’t care whether you have children or not, the subject, why are you anxious to have children at this time? The task now is of course to work hard to save money. Since you have plans to give birth, you must have a little savings, enough for you to get pregnant and give birth to a confinement wife, to buy milk powder and clothes for diapers, and to ask a nanny after the maternity leave is over. As for the school district room, don’t think about it so much, the child will go to elementary school at the age of six. In the future, if you have a child, if your husband cares about it, he will naturally discuss with you about the school district housing. If your husband doesn’t care about his baby going to school, why are you so worried about your child’s surname? Hurry up and work hard to save money, and remember to leave a way for yourself. Children will only become a woman’s weakness, her own work and money are women’s shields!

helpyme
6 months ago

Work hard to earn money. Your husband is 1,000 yuan more than you, and they gave it to you. Did you two stop eating? Just listen, don’t take it seriously, he won’t give it to you, and can’t afford to give it to you. You really quit your job. Your family’s living standards have plummeted. With less money and more expenses, who is suffering? The first one is you. Husband has money and can give priority to spending by himself. If you have money in your hands, give priority to your children. What about you I’m afraid that even buying a big-size clothes because of fertility will have to be said that the prodigal can’t afford it. Anyway, either you work hard to make money or he works hard to make money, at least one of you must work hard enough to support the family, and then talk about childbirth. In addition, the cost of raising a child usually needs to be twice that of an adult. The simplest is 1,000 milk powder a month, 1,000 diapers and clothes toys. Of course, those who plan to give their children diapers and rice soup should not tell me that they are poor and poor. Anyway, the child is yours, you are willing, others don’t care. In addition, are our capitalists too kind? Give everyone the illusion that it only takes 3 years to bring a baby? Does your local kindergarten end at 7 o’clock or does your local company end at 4 o’clock? The mothers around me, unless an elderly person replaces them, once they start full-time, they will continue from kindergarten to elementary school. If one day you find that a good working woman suddenly resigns, then in all likelihood she will take her baby full-time. After all, she cannot persuade the kindergarten to end school late, nor dare to tell her boss to leave work early.

sina156
6 months ago

In theory, your husband is right. But in fact, he doesn’t have the ability to let you take care of your baby full-time! The baby is also a money shredder. It all depends on money, birth check, childbirth, milk powder, diapers, clothes, toys, supplementary food…this is not the big head, the big head is all kinds of special classes, cram schools. Don’t delay, you are not young anymore. So first, discuss with your husband: the child is born with your last name, and your parents will help bring the child. Secondly, take advantage of no children, withdraw early! Earn a lot earlier, so that you can be a full-time husband or a husband who can help with children, right. Your husband only earns a thousand more than you. Make it harder. Let him take the kids. You can go to work.

yahoo898
6 months ago

Your idea is not wrong. Your husband’s thoughts are too selfish. I ask you, you are already 31, unless you don’t plan to have a baby, or if you drag it on, do you think that the high risk of giving birth to a baby at an advanced age is just for fun? And as far as the attitude of the man’s family is, if there is an accident in giving birth, do you think his family will pay for it? This young lady, talk to the other party as soon as possible. If there is no satisfactory plan, I suggest you prepare for divorce as soon as possible if you want a child. You suffer when you give birth to a baby. If you are still raising a baby with the help of the woman’s family, and the man is reluctant to contribute money and effort, then this man is meaningless. Either you use his sperm and get a divorce when you get pregnant. Either go to the sperm bank and pick one. Either way, after giving birth to a baby, he will have his surname. Otherwise, get married for another person, first get a gift, and then have a baby and then raise a baby for at least a few years to breathe and prepare. You are worried that it will be difficult to integrate with society in three years. This is a great probability. His salary is only one thousand more than you and he threatens to pay you a salary. There is a very small probability that this will come true. 70-year-old men can still use sperm, women’s 50-year-old eggs don’t have much, and 40-year-old uterus is not suitable for production. time does not wait! If you want your own children. Advice for 30-year-old women who have already given birth.

leexin
6 months ago

This question is so easy to solve! I totally agree with your husband’s idea! To be fair, right? OK, from now on, don’t take advantage of me, and I won’t take advantage of you either. My parents have to pay the same amount of money to buy a house, no problem. But how many days your parents have lived in our house, my parents must also live for that many days. The money and gifts for both parents must be exactly the same on New Year’s and birthdays. If my parents give more money to your child’s New Year’s Eve, your parents must make up for it! By the way, pregnant. To be fair, I am pregnant for five months and you are pregnant for five months. When you give birth, you also come to experience the tenth-level pain! As for the child’s last name? We can’t make changes every few times, right? We will draw lots, and we will have the surname of whoever gets caught, okay? Yes, you also said that you want my parents to help with the children. What about your parents? Want a bowl of water to be smooth. Then the baby is born, change the diaper in two turns, you once and I once. The same is true for breastfeeding, I feed it, you just use a bottle. When the child cries in the middle of the night, don’t pretend to be dead, you should get up and coax, and you should breastfeed. What? You said you have to go to work and can’t stay up late? What’s wrong, don’t you feel very energetic when you stay up late watching TV and playing games? How can it be impossible to bring a baby? You say you don’t want it, do you? Then shut up!

greatword
6 months ago

I am also in a community with my parents-in-law and a unit upstairs and downstairs. It’s very close, but my in-laws can’t help me with my children, because my mother-in-law is in very bad health, and my father-in-law can’t bring children. When I was young, I was busy with work and never brought my husband. We are also the wedding house. My husband’s pre-marital property. Maybe I’m more sensitive. At the beginning, I didn’t think about changing the house. My husband had to change the house all day long. I don’t want to change it. I don’t want to increase unnecessary contradictions. The suite is quite expensive, and I don’t want to recite the suspect that it was washed into my married property. When I was 33 years old when I got married, I was also anxious to get pregnant. It was troublesome for me to get pregnant, so I left my job to get pregnant, and I am now pregnant. This depends on my own thoughts. I just want to get pregnant and have a baby. The baby is my own. I also want to take care of the baby by myself. When my desire is stronger, I naturally have to pay more. It was very difficult for me to get pregnant, and I suffered a lot of sins. I think it’s worth it. After all, I am a mother. I don’t expect my parents to help me, let alone my parents-in-law to help me. I’ve been here after a few years of tiredness. I’m still very thankful that I was preparing for pregnancy full-time. I was almost dying from early pregnancy. I continued to feel nauseous and vomited several times a day. You have to eat after vomiting. Can’t smell any peculiar smell, the nose is like turning on a radar. I’m comfortable now. I insisted on coming. My husband treats me very well, and he takes care of me very carefully. I don’t think resignation or anything is important. What is important is your husband’s love for you. Pregnancy still tests the relationship between husband and wife. I vomit many times a day, and I have to eat many times. I often vomit in the middle of the night. My husband cooks for me more than 12 o’clock in the middle of the night. I am hungry and anxious. After finishing one, I trot over to give me a new one. I didn’t know how to cook, but I learned to make it according to my requirements a little bit. I cried when I saw him, I think I was worth it. My legs are uncomfortable. Before going to bed at night, I rubbed my legs every day. When I feel comfortable, I go to bed and he goes to bed again. There are a lot more. Having said so much, I’m telling you that if we look at ourselves as a man clearly, we can not rely on their parents, but we must rely on him. What role does he play in giving birth to children? Has he considered himself? Has he considered the energy and money needed to raise children? What he wants to give, the child is not yours alone, let alone you and your parents. He is the only one besides you who needs to be responsible! How can it be that simple to be a father! We can sacrifice but the sacrifice must be worthwhile.

loveyou
6 months ago

I generally don’t persuade people to separate. Try to find a solution under limited conditions. Except for domestic violence. To break the law, pornography, gambling and drugs must be separated. Your problem is already serious, and the man does not treat you as his wife. But treat you as the one who enters the door. This is fundamentally different. Maybe he loved you in the early days, but now the answer is very yes, he has no feelings for you anymore, only full of calculations. The subject of the question is that you really have to face humanity. From your reply to others, you already know that you know that your husband is calculating you, but you just don’t face it. The above is your fundamental problem now, and the solution is actually to treat the symptoms rather than the root cause. I saw that an original poster gave me a cure. The cure is that your personality is too weak. A relationship expert on the first floor said it was too right. You can meet this man until you get married and now your husband can calculate you like this. Everything originated from your lack of clear principles and bottom lines. There is no such information in your ideology. It is a woman who is dependent on a man. It takes long-term social training and talent to change the personality and establish the principle bottom line. You really don’t have this ability. The only thing you can do is to stick to it. Then continue to complain on social platforms and ask netizens to scold your husband for you. You don’t even have the ability and courage to fight for your rights by telling your husband that you are very sad. There is no solution to your matter. The only thing you can do is to earn money and raise your own children, and the real estate belongs to the man. Just be a married woman who is dependent on your husband. From a metaphysical point of view, looking at your name and head portrait, the subconscious has already fulfilled the future direction of your destiny. Man-eating monsters are sometimes raised by themselves. After reading your reply to others’ answers, you can live in your own cognitive world. It’s good.

strongman
6 months ago

No one cares if you have a baby or not. Of course you want to have a baby. Of course you have to find a way. Haven’t figured it out yet? What are you doing for yourself? If you want children to be a matter of two people, your husband doesn’t want it, but you want it. Are you too selfish? You still have to go in for three years, making people feel selfish and losing your body and career. Don’t you know how to choose? Your man is also extinct, and you will be paid back. His salary is originally your common property. He uses his half to pay you salary? Can you settle the account for him then? You count, he said that you count his money every day, but you don’t, then he said that these promises are just jokes, are they useful? But the sale of the house, did the parents buy it in full? If you mention it like that, it’s really wrong. If you don’t buy it, it’s marital property, and it’s normal for people to be unhappy.

stockin
6 months ago

I agree that children are a woman’s weakness. A woman with a child is not only herself, but also the mother of a child. Mothers can have their own lives, provided that they take good care of their children, otherwise, even if they are playing outside, they will still worry about their children. This is the nature of maternal love. Raising a child requires a lot of patience, energy and funds. It simply requires the right time and place, otherwise it will definitely make oneself jump in and out of life with children. Now you might be thinking about giving birth to the old man. After you give birth, you will see that the old man and the child are not in harmony with you. Do you think so?

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