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First of all, it is important to realize and acknowledge this. This is the beginning of healing and the source of infinite possibilities. Without this, there is no possibility of future healing. I think there are three ways to heal the lack of love: the easiest way is to get a love, a meticulous love that can satisfy our desire to be loved and that can make us feel at ease. But it’s simple to say, but it’s not that simple. Most people who lack love are sensitive and inferior. Faced with this kind of love that has been longing for countless times in their hearts, they are filled with hesitation. They will inadvertently confirm and test again and again. This process will be full of repetitions, unless this love can be as stable as ever. And it will grow stronger with time, otherwise, once you lose this love, it will be difficult to accept the next love. The second way is to take the initiative to love others, to get the love of others by loving others, and to feel the missing part through this interaction. This method is obviously more difficult, because it is difficult for a person who lacks love to truly fall in love with someone, and there are always countless calculations in his heart. When you really fall in love with someone, you can easily fall into dependence. If you can’t get enough feedback, you can easily become suspicious. The last way is to heal the lack of love by loving yourself. Some people may say, how can anyone not love themselves? However, in reality, most people don’t know how to love themselves or what is called loving themselves. Selfishness is not about loving yourself, doing whatever you want, and doing whatever you want, nor is it about loving yourself, going with the flow, resigning to fate, let alone loving yourself. To love yourself, first of all, you must listen to the true voice in your heart. No matter how incredible or ridiculous, you must accept it. This is commonly known as accepting yourself and accepting your true self. Love yourself and be responsible for yourself. The last thing people lacking in love is doubting, doubting that no one loves themselves, and doubting that the one they love does not love themselves, that is, they lack confidence that they can get enough love, so it is easy to fall into a situation of negativity and self-rejection in this regard. . Being responsible for yourself means that no matter whether someone loves yourself or not, you must believe that you are worthy of being loved, worthy of having love, but it has not yet come. In fact, people who lack love must first learn to love themselves. Only when they love themselves can they accept another love and love others better. And the most important point is to believe that you can be cured, whether by others or by yourself, if you don’t believe it, no amount of effort will be futile. Of course, action is also very important.


By zhiwo

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8 months ago

I lack love, and even lack it to make me sick. I clearly understand this because I have true feelings for someone, and when I care, I will be suspicious, and always wonder whether the other person really likes me. When he went to play with his friends, I felt that he didn’t want me and hated me. Even if he does nothing, I can’t feel that I own him. Although he told me seriously again and again that I like you. Although he said so many times, as long as you don’t say break up, we will never break up. Although he will feel sad because of it. I still think he doesn’t really like me. So I started to fall into a painful cycle. I feel so depressed that I can’t shed tears every day. I always act like a baby to him. The reason is to make him coax me, make me feel like he is his little baby, and make me feel that he belongs to me at this time, and I am the only one in my heart. Later, I thought that if you sprinkle too many things like coquetry, the other person will be immune. I began to hate him for no reason. The hatred is this person who made me like this. Why did he not like me? I am in pain. Even though I know I shouldn’t be like this. I am inexplicable like this. I will lose my emotions. idea. I don’t control it at all. Whether it’s a lover or someone who is a little close. Too many times. I just found a problem. I will suffer from the gains and losses of the things I care about. I will think that if I don’t have them, I will have pain. Once I am in pain, I want to stay away and force myself to withdraw from my feelings. So i know i am only suitable for one person for one person

8 months ago

Maybe I should have a say. First of all, I should be regarded as a single-parent family. From the time I was born to about seven years old, my grandparents and grandparents in Guangxi took care of me. My parents worked outside and returned home once in two or three years. Once, there was a lot of strangeness, and it was due to my grandfather’s lead. I was more indulgent. I was also a wild boy at the time, making trouble everywhere. When I was about seven years old, my parents took me to Guangdong, and my father started to have an affair outside. Well, I didn’t return home all the year round. The deepest time I remember was that my fever was 39 degrees and it was close to 40 degrees, my mother. Call him and tell him, he said I was a lie, in order not to read and lie, hehe, I really laughed. Until now, I didn’t recognize him. From childhood to most of my mother took me with me. Only now I want to recognize it. Why did you go? When I was young, I saw someone else’s father and compared it with my own father. He had to pretend to be indifferent, and other people seemed to care. They always asked, where did your father go? It’s not responsible at all for not coming back. You have to call him back, his ears are about to have calluses. It seems that everything is my fault. Every time I am asked, it feels like being patched up. So I am now Generally, when I see children with a bad family, they never ask them directly, so as not to remind them of unhappy things, and prefer to remind them of their happy and forget the unpleasant. Because of the single parent, I am more eager to be loved. Maybe, the deepest part of my heart is like this. I can always pretend to be very good because I don’t want to bring my negative emotions to others, maybe even the girl who has been with me for a long time. Friends, I don’t know what I’m thinking in my heart. When quarreling, when the quarrel is the most intense, I will bring out the negative emotions in my heart, but when I recover my calm, I am still a boyfriend who knows how to take care of her. Well, every time I quarrel, I am the first to give in. Others see me as a good boyfriend. Maybe it’s because I know the truth about doing nothing to others. If I want to be loved too much, I just ask for it. It’s painful, learn more empathy~ In general, I don’t know how to heal myself, I just know, think more empathy, expand my social life, and keep myself closed in an unpleasant heart. Make yourself darker and darker~

8 months ago

It’s very simple. Don’t give others the right to hurt you. In my eyes, people who lack love, lack of parental love, maternal love, friendship, love, etc., all try to place this kind of thing on the quality of the other person. Just like gambling. Won, everyone is happy. If you lose, you lose every game. Stop it, human nature is inherently complicated. Are you sure you will never cheat? Are you sure how you will always be? Stop making trouble and eat. The only way to heal yourself is to live with loneliness. No one can get rid of loneliness. The only thing you can do is, when you are tired of being alone one day, leave it and look for another person. You don’t want to be tired of this person again and feel that it is not as good as the idea of being alone at the time. Chaoqin Muchu, gain or lose again. It is meaningless in itself.

8 months ago

Will treat the world with the greatest tenderness, but at the same time will be extremely indifferent to the family that has never given love to her. When you have the ability to support yourself, you can’t wait to leave your family, exchange your tenderness for friendly treatment from friends or even strangers, and warn yourself not to repeat the same mistakes in the future. But the cruel thing is that often over time, the kindness from the family will make you doubt your indifference, and your tenderness will not be exchanged for the desired return. What’s more terrifying is that you will find that this tenderness hides A bomb may explode in the future and repeat the tragedy of the family. Healing is impossible. Before the bomb explodes, love yourself and the whole world as much as possible.

8 months ago

Those who lack love must learn to love and pay attention to themselves. But in fact, I found that many people don’t know how to love themselves. My own native family is not very good. I also get together and leave more with my parents. When I was young, I felt that I lacked love and liked to rely on others. But in recent years, I have gradually figured out that, in fact, I do not lack the love of my parents. Although they have not been around for many years, the things they taught me have formed a mark on me. Whenever I get along with other friends, I find that my habits are different from them. This is the so-called nurturing. Although they are not there, the habit I have developed is the imprint of their behavior. For example, every time I want to eat something rudely, I think of what my mother said, and girls don’t eat too loudly…every time I make This habit makes them feel like they are always by their side. Haha Sometimes although I don’t like to listen to them, but when I think about it, I won’t be lonely anymore. In fact, I think the actual company is not important, the most important thing is to leave my memory and behavior imprint. I am most afraid of having a boyfriend who changes my behavior, because once he leaves a mark on me, I will never forget him forever (manual dog head) Haha is a little off topic, in fact, there is a starting point for loving yourself. , Is to find a way to get better, think about what you lack the most? Think about how to love yourself. Update 2·06: I myself have created a version of the theory of love called the semicircle theory, which means that even if you love someone very much, it will only be filled with a half circle, and the remaining half circle is used to love yourself. This is the most important way to cure one’s lack of love in a couple’s relationship. Think about it, when your lover treats you you will feel very happy, very happy. What did he do to express his love for you? You need to do these things to yourself once a week, whether or not he exists. This is loving yourself. Also, you must have enough ability to give yourself what you want, you can buy the bags you like, and make yourself what you want to eat. In the world, you can satisfy yourself with everything you want except for people. People have to learn not to force them. For example, if you want to talk to someone but you don’t want to, then you must not force them. For example, if a person refuses to love you, then you can’t force it. You must always understand that half of the world is something you can never get, and half of the world is something you can get forever. This world is always like this. You only need to cherish what you get, and let it do what you can’t. Then I affirmed myself that I have so many strengths, good family background, assets, thoughtfulness, courage and means, gentle and considerate, emotional value provision, good appearance, self-discipline management, good stewardship management, good interpersonal maintenance, and comforting the junior. I’m really good and excellent, and these are all based on the cultivation standards of marrying a wealthy family. Cultivation for so long is not for marrying a man who only loves you a little bit. Can a man who only loves you a little bit or not love you be worthy of you? Can’t. Summary: Love yourself, do things to make yourself happy, affirm your own excellence, and love yourself like a lover loves you.

8 months ago

A person who lacks love must go through the process of making up. Only with enough love can you behave normally. If you do not reach this level and go into a relationship, you may ask for more in this relationship, which will make the other person avoid the relationship. An unbalanced relationship is difficult to maintain for a long time. Therefore, it is often difficult for people who lack love to get happy and perfect love. One quick way to make up for your lack of love is to analyze yourself from the perspective of psychology, understand yourself, and grow in self-improvement. Become a loving person who understands himself confidently.

8 months ago

You can never wake a person who “pretends to sleep”. We often see the kind of people who “take silly things” and “do silly things” in their relationships. As bystanders, we all say: oh yeah, how could she do such a stupid thing? Is her brain sick? Why is she so cheap? Men bullied her so much, so scumbag, why didn’t they leave? Isn’t it good to talk about a normal relationship and be a sunny person? This reminds me of a scene I saw at a roadside stall. A mother took her child to the breakfast shop for breakfast, and the child accidentally spilled porridge on her body. The mother drew a big mouth, and the child’s nose was beaten to bleed. The child lowered his head to wipe the clothes. The mother was angry after thinking about it. It was another slap and another slap…The shopkeeper couldn’t stand it anymore, and persuaded the mother to calm down. The mother scolded the shopkeeper and smashed the bowl. The owner dared not speak. The mother lifted her foot and walked away. The child immediately got up and ran a few steps, pulling the corner of her clothes timidly, and followed along. I ask you, this time you will say to this child: “Your mother is a beast, why don’t you leave her?” Is that such a thing? You will not say. Because you know, without mom, it would be more difficult for this little boy to “live in this world”. You know, the difference between “lack of love” and “no lack of love” lies in the “bottom line.” If you see a person in the relationship, the bottom line is approaching zero, then you know that her early experience must be difficult. The biggest tragedy in life is that you have no choice but to cling to someone who hurt you. So we say that for many people, the biggest PUA in life is their parents. Back to you, I want to say that for many people who lack love, you can’t wake up, because when you wake up, you will face a more cruel world. What is this “cruel world”? That is, once you are “awake”, you have to face the pain that you have never been able to face: experiencing the warmth and losing the “sense of loss”, it is like a hibernating animal waking up early and finding yourself in an icy cold world. For example, if a scumbag activates your desire, but leaves you behind, then you will find another self, the self you want to escape with every possible means, and this self is constantly saying “Don’t leave me!” in the dark. I am afraid of losing!” You cannot “care” or “appease” you like this, so the best way is to find professionals to help you take care of your “inner child” and let you experience a higher level. The quality of love gives you the basic “appreciation of love”, and you have the ability to “let down” a period of “wasteful feelings” and truly have the ability to illuminate and warm yourself. If your internal trauma is not that serious, it is also an effective method to heal yourself through psychology. What is your emotional “pause button”? Learning to press the pause button for emotions is the most critical point of self-healing. When the trauma is activated and the heart begins to rise with anger, complaints, depression, grief, and fear, press the pause button in time and brake decisively to leave room for breathing and adjustment to prevent yourself from being completely overwhelmed by negative emotions. Get into a situation out of control. We have to learn to soothe ourselves, and we cannot give ourselves to others to soothe ourselves that cannot be soothed. If the other party doesn’t have this ability, or can’t comfort him for the time being, then we will be dumbfounded. The reason is simple, but not everyone can do it. This is because pressing the pause button is not only a skill to control emotions, but also a mental ability. The so-called mentalization is the ability of a person to understand the mental activities of oneself and others. With this ability, we can know what we think and how others will feel and think.
The ability to mentalize requires three psychological foundations: First, self-awareness. To be aware of yourself is to know what you have done and how you feel. And be able to understand, under these behaviors and feelings, what are the deeper concepts, expectations, and desires? Where do they come from? Why does it happen at this moment? How are they produced? The sharper and more detailed the self-awareness, the stronger the mentalization ability and the stronger the emotional adjustment ability. Xiao Min is one of my visitors, she is very disgusted with her husband coming home late. Every time her husband works overtime or socializes, and comes home late, they have to fight. Later, I guided Xiao Min to perceive himself carefully. When my husband came home late, how did I feel in my heart? At first, Xiao Min said that he was angry, but then he became more worried. Slowly, she discovered that in addition to being angry and worried, she also had a faint fear. She was afraid that her husband would not return, and she was afraid of being abandoned. It turned out that Xiao Min’s father was in a car accident when he was out and can’t come back again. Therefore, these feelings of Xiao Min are closely related to the traumatic experience in her growing up. Second, be aware of others. To be aware of others is to use self-awareness to understand and feel the behavior, feelings, ideas, expectations, and desires of the other person. Being aware of others allows us not only to clearly see “me”, but also to clearly see “you”. When Xiao Min had the ability to be self-aware, and when her husband came home later, she no longer rushed up and complained and complained. She can see her husband’s emotions and feelings more and more. She discovered that when her husband came home late, he actually felt guilty towards her. However, because she was too strong, the green and the red were indifferent, and her husband’s guilt was completely covered by the later anger. When Xiao Min could detect these subtle emotional changes in her husband, her complaints and anger towards her husband disappeared. Third, be aware of the relationship. To be aware of the relationship is to be able to perceive the subtle changes in the relationship between me and the other party, and then take the initiative to master the progress of the game. Be the director of your own life, and choose to live your life instead of passively, being trapped, and spontaneously entering into a certain relationship. Through awareness, Xiao Min discovered that marriage is like a pas de deux. You go further and I take a step back. There is no absolute right or absolute error. There is nothing that should or shouldn’t be. When to go further and when to take a step back, we must follow the development of emotions and the ever-changing relationship to dance in harmony. When we have the ability to be aware of ourselves, others, and relationships, we can distinguish emotions and perceive changes in emotions in negative emotions, and we can press the pause button to comfort ourselves and seek better solutions. .

8 months ago

The first step is to draw good emotional boundaries. From your own heart, judge what things in life are responsible for you, such as life choices, etc.; which things are not something you need to bear, such as parents’ high expectations and excessive emotional pressure on you . Identify which are your own emotions and which are exerted by others, and then start to draw lines, pull away and prevent others from exerting emotional pressure on you. You can begin to heal yourself after you have clearly distinguished the emotional boundaries of getting along with others in your life. The second step is to admit and accept that some people really don’t love you. When you know which feelings are imposed on you by others, you will slowly discover which people really don’t love you, and who are making you uncomfortable under the guise of love. What you have to do now is to face this reality. That person really doesn’t like you that much. You can vent it after facing it and start again. So for a person who doesn’t like you, what you can do is not to like him that much. The third step is to leave the person who owes you love. After you have confirmed who is the source of your lack of love, stay away from him, rescue yourself from the quagmire, and stop immersing yourself in the question of why he doesn’t love me and why I don’t love me. You are not wrong, but he loves you. That is his problem. Leave him and meet more people. Don’t turn the world that doesn’t love you into the whole of your life. The fourth step is to go out and have a look and listen to the voice in your heart. Not only refers to going out in the physical sense, but also to the psychological level. To experience life, learn new things, meet new people, communicate with others, listen to other people’s stories, and record your own feelings and moods. The most important thing is to feel the changes in your emotions, not to stop just listening. Life is a lonely journey, meeting all kinds of people, but no one can accompany you for a lifetime. Slowly you will feel that the love of one or two people is not very important. It is a bit like withdrawal. Face it first, isolate it, and finally fill it with new content. To be honest, when you admit that some people just don’t love you, and you can choose not to love him, you really feel that the world is brighter, and this healing process really makes me feel shameful to escape. But it works!

8 months ago

I healed my childhood by myself. I would call myself a “left-behind child”. My parents would send me to boarding school when I was 7 years old in elementary school. And I was a person who didn’t have much sense of security since I was a child. In my memory, the sky is always the setting sun, and the picture is always a person sitting on a ping pong table in the playground. I feel that I have been abandoned by my parents and I am not loved. Perhaps in the eyes of my parents, whether it is to make money, work is more important than me. I will now talk about psychologically how I healed myself. In the process of studying psychology, I learned a term that is reverse rationalization. After I knew the principle of psychology, I began to study how I could break through my own psychological trait of reverse rationalization. Reverse rationalization refers to the psychological process of finding reasons and excuses for why people accept many established facts. People need to be justified and rationalize what they do. They think they shouldn’t have happened, but they have already happened, or they didn’t want to accept things, but have actually accepted things. Then they use self-paralysis and self-deception to comfort themselves. For example, I once hated my elementary school, and my feelings for my mother were also very complicated. At that time, I was a boarding school in elementary school, and it was only when I could go home every weekend. At that time, my memory scenes were all scenes of my mother leaving me and walking out of the elementary school. This scene has also troubled me for a long time, and I would think that my family is abandoning it. I will conceive a false scene based on my entire memory. Later, after experiencing psychological counseling, I discovered that it was actually the scene when I was waiting for my mother to come, and she walked into the school gate, usually after I fell asleep. Just left. In addition, when I was older, I found out that I was really tired after work. Under the circumstances at the time, I had to run back and forth to school to see me, indicating that she really loves me, so that she can treat me so hard. But when I didn’t think about this story in the past, I always thought my mother was abandoning me, and now I know how much I love me. From here on, I began to learn to look at the same thing from another angle, to see if I had overlooked the love of smiling that I hadn’t noticed. Since then, I have been more concerned about my growth experience, not only staring at the stories that made me sad, but also starting to dig out the treasures I have overlooked. The whole process is very painful. While loving my parents in my heart, I hate the pain they bring me. I think there can only be one kind of affection for a person, it can only be love, and it cannot be mixed with anything else, otherwise it will not be pure. Gradually in this process, I also learned that people can actually be very complicated. I just like your strengths and hate your shortcomings. Happy and sad, likes and hates are an alternating process. I think I am more mature and understand the truth of the world better. What will I do when I face my lover now? I will see more when I am loved. Since love and non-love will always exist, I just look at my principles and bottom line, and then know that the other person has always loved me.

8 months ago

People who lack love (you can tell others that you lack love, you must be right to others, but your needs cannot be met by others). They tend to distrust outsiders, and when you need help, you will not think that others can help you. This is because without the right reaction, you lose interest in external things. Essentially, it produces negative conclusions. That is, if you take the initiative to contact others for a long time, and others do not respond to you, you will have judgments that you are not good enough, and at the same time you will not be satisfied with the needs of the outside world. In the message of this question, you express your lack of external response to you, which is a very general demand. The specific expression should be whether you lack love, which aspect of love is lacking, whether you lack the honesty between friends, or whether you lack the guidance of famous teachers in school to guide parents, or whether you are making contributions and making contributions in your work while seeking yourself more Big benefits. In essence, you can be happy and happy if you love yourself. Ask yourself who you are, your experiences, and the ideal life you want. The problem of lack of love, sunk costs are not costs. Biology, economics, psychology, mathematics, and ordinary problems in life can be solved with a high probability. For the problems you can ask, others may have asked or even found a way to solve the problem. You may also change the same vocabulary for the same problem. Love, if you look up the origin of the word itself, you will understand what you lack. The word love is based on the relationship of others. Love is mutual, and love does not exist when there is no response.

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