Knowing “My Questions and Answers” X One Psychology | Endless pulse of life, endless meaning of life
“Death is not a loss of life, but a step out of time.” We fear “death” and keep it secret, but it does exist just like spring, summer, autumn and winter. For the inevitable aging, what else can we do?
This issue of Zhihu “My Questions and Answers” and One Psychology jointly launched a discussion: Under the lifelong proposition of aging and death, how should we deal with the years?

Some time ago, my grandmother passed away; recently, my grandpa fell and caused intracranial hemorrhage, and has been in the ICU. I am a young man, and I rarely pay attention to this kind of problems before. When people around me face such problems, I just start to think about it. Grandma was in her 90s and passed away naturally. The family sought the help of a doctor, and hoped that at least her grandmother would be less painful before she passed away. But the doctor refused. He said that at this age, just taking the nutrient solution is accelerating aging. On the one hand, we continue to face such parting helplessly, and on the other hand, we are helplessly unwilling to accept it. What I understand about hospice care is companionship. But how to accompany is really a problem. I am eager to understand what grandma was thinking at the last moment, eager to meet all her needs, but there is no way. She can only lie on the bed, unable to move, unable to speak. For a moment, she stopped breathing when I had just returned to Chengdu from her. My mother called and said that grandma was breathing again when she heard my name, and she opened her eyes. When I was in the video with her, she couldn’t talk, she kept looking at me, her dim eyes suddenly changed color at a certain moment. After finishing the conversation, I hurried back to my hometown. I held her hand and my mother said to my grandmother next to me: “Mom, this is your granddaughter, do you remember? Open your eyes and look at your granddaughter.” Grandma held my hand tightly, I don’t know Where did she burst out of strength, but she really held my hand tightly. I don’t know if she felt satisfied at the last moment of her life, without regrets. But when she was cold and closed her eyes, her expression was so peaceful. Grandma is in the countryside and has her own procedures for death, and she can feel at ease if she is in order. But when grandpa was in the city, facing death, his family reacted completely differently. Before the Spring Festival, Grandpa was admitted to the ICU, and repeated inspections and operations. Due to the epidemic, family members can only be with them for a short time after completing the nucleic acid test. Most of the time, they are accompanied by nurses to convey news to family members through video. During the Spring Festival, I was able to go to the hospital to see him when Grandpa checked. While waiting, many elderly people came to the hospital alone. What impressed me most was that an old grandfather came to see the doctor with his old wife on his back. It’s quite rare to be surrounded by more than a dozen people like ours. Grandpa is in his 80s. We tried our best to heal. Now we are conscious, can open our eyes and speak. But what shocked me was the completely different attitudes of my parents. My dad said after being drunk one day, how fragile people are. They were fine yesterday, but not the next day. Of course we can save it. Where’s my mother? One day we two went for a walk, leaving my dad aside. My mother said, if one day, I am like your grandpa, don’t save me. Back to this matter of hospice care. I think it is very necessary for a person to think about death, think about how he wants to leave when he is conscious, and convey it to important people. For my grandmother, she was in the countryside. Every time she came to my house, she was anxious to return to her hometown whenever she had a small problem. She thought she wanted to return to the roots of the fallen leaves. Although the descendants were sad, there was no regret when the grandmother passed away in her hometown after sitting around at the end. At the funeral, everyone didn’t have too much thoughts, and they didn’t think it was all right at the beginning. But grandpa is not like this. My dad’s attitude has always been contradictory. On the one hand, he is no better than the pain and loneliness of his grandfather in the hospital bed. On the other hand, with a sense of guilt, he tried to convince himself that our choice was correct. As a result, sometimes he will unintentionally belittle our attitude towards grandma. He was not an ignorant person. He was the only one who hadn’t slept for a few days at the death of his grandmother and the funeral. And when my mother and I are sad, it has always been our support. It’s just that he looked at his father and was so upset. Perhaps he has asked himself countless times in his heart: Is this choice correct? He tried his best to find a way of hospice care that could be called the right way, but couldn’t find the answer. But it is difficult to find the answer in itself. The only basis is what the person concerned, the person facing death, thinks. Therefore, I would like to say that hospice care, in fact, there is no uniform standard and no regrets. Especially from the countryside to the city, the outlook on death is becoming more and more different. At this time, it is important that, as a person, think about the issue of death in advance.


By zhiwo

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6 months ago

People really have a foreboding about the coming days. The family is hiding things from grandma, but she still notices it. Maybe I’m still young and haven’t experienced the gradual decline of the person in front of me, but there is nothing I can do. Time, so the current experience is difficult for me to accept. She began to explain the funeral, and now she has saved 4,000 yuan to give her five girls. Asked my mother to prepare a shroud. Fearing that medical treatment will be a bottomless pit that will drag us down, I keep asking for a lot of money to go to the hospital. In fact, doctors have already suggested that there is no value in treatment. Grandma is my closest relative. It is also really difficult for me to face my crying mother, I am afraid that I will cry more fiercely than her with one mouth. I hope someone will teach me how to do hospice care so that I will not regret it later. Last night, I dreamed that I took my grandma to climb Mount Tai. She said that she was not walking fast and told me to go first. Then I couldn’t see her again when I looked back. There were so many people in Mount Tai, and I started to look for it, but I woke up before I found it. Up.

Last edited 6 months ago by heloword
6 months ago

That summer many years ago, when my grandmother attempted suicide at home and the family screamed and rushed to snatch the ribbon she tried to strangle herself, I began to have a deeper understanding of death and dignity. The reason for suicide was simple: she could not bear the torment of the illness. At this time, my grandmother was in the advanced stage of gastric cancer and she gave up treatment and went home from the hospital. Cancer cells raged in the body and tortured her painfully. We followed the doctor’s advice and gave her an analgesic, but it didn’t work. Soon after a little rest, the pain will strike again. At the time of the attempted suicide, she cried and said to us: Let me die. It’s really better to live like this than to die. At the end of her life, grandma has been in such repetitions, painful groans and drowsiness interlaced. We can only wait, grandma is waiting for the end of pain, we are waiting for the end of her life. This waiting is full of pain, anger, and powerlessness. The experience at that time also made me realize how people lose their dignity in the final stage of life. What happened to grandma is one of the most common among dying patients: giving up treatment, going home, and waiting painfully for death. Another common situation is desperate resistance, using drugs, needles, and medical devices to over-treat patients in hospitals. In either case, the patient’s pain is self-evident. So I thought, is there no third way for the dying to leave more peacefully and happily? Of course there is. Years later, I realized that when the death of relatives and friends is inevitable, we should accept it and embrace it. At the same time, do a good job of hospice care for patients, so that they can leave more comfortably and with dignity. Leaving under birth, old age, sickness and death is not a failure. Leaving without being comforted, cared for, accompanied, and without dignity is the real failure.

6 months ago

The psychoanalyst Elizabeth Kübler-Ross mentioned in her book “On Death and Near Death” that before death, people will experience five stages of psychological changes: from denial and isolation, to anger, to negotiation, to Depression, and finally acceptance. This tumultuous psychological process is unbearable for most people. Everyone faces “death”, an issue that cannot escape in life. At the last moment of life, we all hope to complete the last journey of life with dignity. Hospice care needs to be added to our life education, so that we can better understand and face aging and death in life. Hospice care is by no means escape or surrender. On the contrary, it gives both sides who are going to the end and who will continue to set off, an opportunity to face and say goodbye together. For many people, being able to offload each other’s heart is a way of taking goodbye to the end. The greatest consolation. Aging is a normal physiological change of people. Below we have selected some messages from students of the previous Seed course, so that she/they will share with you their thoughts about “aging”.

6 months ago

1. Aging means that no matter where you go, people around you call you “Sister” (Seed V·Mindy) realize that your “aging” is in the past one or two years, and people around you start to call me wherever you go “Sister”, I listened very harshly. Every time I heard it, I felt annoyance, low self-esteem, collapse and other feelings mixed and matched. One day, I am especially worried about the small wrinkles in the corners of my eyes, and then go crazy searching online for skin care products to remove wrinkles. You will also find that you can’t take a satisfactory photo with “Meitu Xiuxiu”, and you can obviously see the “aging” temperament that can’t be concealed by a beautiful picture. All these and so on in life, various inner and physical discomforts frequently show up. 2. Aging is the beginning of minor problems in the body (Seed VI·Pixian) I am 29 years old. In the past two years, I have discovered that minor physical problems have started to occur frequently. Work pressure causes frequent anxiety, poor skin condition, and staying up late. Later, it became more and more obvious that when I washed my hair, I found that my hair fell badly. This series of physiological phenomena made me feel the terrible early age at my age. I think the physical change should be the thing that makes us feel aging the fastest, and there are more psychological problems that follow, fear of getting sick, fear of getting old, and often wondering whether we have bad problems, to be honest, It all feels a bit quick. Anxiety caused by aging 1. Forget about age (Seed VI·kiki) When I was 29 years old, I had a strong panic about 30 years old. I felt that my youth was gone and my life began to decline. In order to alleviate my fear, I did something to hide my ears and steal the bells. It was my birthday, and from that day I brainwashed myself. When someone asked about my age, I told them that I was 30 years old. So that something embarrassing happened afterwards, I really didn’t remember my age very well. Whenever I was asked, I counted my fingers subconsciously, and the questioner looked blank, and I could only interrupt in embarrassment. 2. How come you are old before it starts to bloom? (Seed Phase V·Mindy) I have an old man downstairs with a severe hunchback, leaning on a cane, and moving extremely slowly. Every time he goes to his floor, he has to wait for a long time when he gets on the elevator when he meets him. He is a little bit Someone moved to the elevator. When he got off the elevator on the first floor, sometimes he would let the people behind go down first, and sometimes he would go down first, and then move for a long time before going down, leaning on one side and giving it to others. Leave room to get off the elevator. Every time I see him, I think, what he was like when he was young, what is he thinking now? Then I think of myself. When I am old and old, I may be sitting on a bench by the river or lying on a bed. My teeth may be lost. I think about my life. What regrets do I have? I thought, regret may be something I wanted to do when I was young. If I did it, it might rewrite my life, but I didn’t have the courage to do it. I was repressed and repressed until I am 80 years old. Then I will shed tears of regret. You might think that if you give me another chance, I will act immediately. It is said that some people have been waiting for blooming all their lives, even when they are 80 years old, they are still waiting. I think I am in this state now. I feel that I am in my 30s and have not yet blossomed. I have been waiting~ After giving birth to my baby, I will go on a trip, wait until the child grows up, and wait. Sometimes I have to dress myself up and wait… So, there is a trip. I waited for seven or eight years and owed myself. Once beautiful, owe it till now. How to understand aging from the perspective of existentialism? 1. Aging should not be a threat, but a motivation (Seed V·Mindy) “Aging” should not be a threat, but should make us more motivated to face the life in front of us, so instead of To be overwhelmed by the fear of aging, it is better to use him as a positive force to urge ourselves to live more fully in the present. We know that time is limited, not forever, so we know better to cherish what we can have. In these limited times, the people around us and everything we have. And strive to actively create the meaning of life. When I perceive “aging” and have a deeper understanding and experience of it, I will also have more respect for the elderly around me. This is also a process for me to better face others. It’s a bit like I didn’t really like children before I didn’t have a baby, and I didn’t feel anything, but when I had a baby, I saw a mother with a baby, I would immediately realize the hardships of being a mother, and I would also meet Every child of his has a love. When I have a deeper understanding of other issues of existentialism, I will become more and more sensitive to the feelings of another person. 2. You can choose to look at aging (Seed 6th Moyou) Aging may mean loss or the end of self-meaning, but we will eventually freely choose to recognize it, accept it or reject it, and reject it. Chinese culture is most afraid of heroes short of breath and beauty in twilight, but I personally feel that this is just a state of life, and whether it is a tragedy is only for the person involved, and what outsiders see is only their own projection. 3. Turn anxiety into motivation (Seed V·JL) In the face of aging, people will have anxiety. This is a normal reaction and does not need to be deliberately suppressed, but this anxiety can be used to remind us to do something about our own lives. Change. Just like in a computer game, the warrior is no longer full of blood. He can still be brave, but more mature and cautious. There are such warriors on the real battlefield. They don’t give up even if they are injured. Instead, they use wisdom and courage to protect themselves and try their best. Fulfill your own responsibilities and obligations. Face aging, tell yourself that a new journey has begun, face it bravely, and don’t stand still. 4. Living towards death, grasping the present (Seed 6·kiki) When I was young, I always felt that life can be squandered infinitely. Although the topic of death feels heavy for everyone, it is difficult to cause deep thought, like a topic that is far away indefinitely. However, aging has shown its signs on the skin as early as 25 years old, like a timer, ticking reminders of the passage of time. As far as I am concerned, aging anxiety can trigger the self-awareness of life’s limitation earlier than death. This kind of negative existence endorsed by society, in the category of existentialism, is precisely an important driving force for people to provide people with a happy and ideal life state. Everyone is born toward death. When you remember the beauty of one second of youth, plan for the next second not to let yourself regret wasting the rest of your life, the youngest second in your life has passed. A correct understanding of aging and death, and the fact that life is limited, will gradually lift the fog of life, and the best time in life is now. In the limited life course, grasping the present, respecting and following self-values, giving meaning to everything in life, even if it is trivial, is a continuous improvement towards an idealized and happy life. With age, the body, organs, skin, etc. gradually decay. Only knowledge will continue to increase with age. Use knowledge to nourish your life and use psychological counseling knowledge to change your life. “Simple Psychology Uni” is a lifelong growth college for psychological counselors. It gathers famous teachers at home and abroad to provide audio, video, live broadcast, long-term training programs and other training courses for psychological counseling learners at different stages, with strong professional pertinence and a high degree of systematization. At present, 300,000+ people have participated in the study.

6 months ago

When I saw an answer talking about companionship, I felt that my grandma was 92 years old this year and she was experiencing bedwetting. I suddenly realized that maybe my grandma is really dysfunctional. Grandpa has been away for 10 years, and grandma has been alone for 10 years. Recently In the past few years, my father and uncles took turns to take care of grandma and grandma are happy, because the family is harmonious and the children and grandma are very filial, but this cannot prevent grandma’s aging. She has more and more insulin-injected units, her feet have been swollen, and she walks more and more staggering. And the bedwetting just mentioned, all these tell me that grandma may really be spending the last part of her life. One day she chatted with her, and she always wanted to be strong and not sensational. She suddenly said that now I always miss you, sometimes Your father and your second uncle said to leave, but I couldn’t bear it, and smiled after saying that. At that time, I felt very uncomfortable. Grandma’s mouth was not actually leaving, but just going out to buy food and pay the utility bill, but even so, she became reluctant. After listening to grandma’s words, I took the whole day’s itinerary. I pushed it off. I didn’t leave until my uncle came to my grandma’s house. When I left, my grandma came out and delivered it to the door. She still smiled to make me pay attention to safety, but didn’t mention a word of reluctance, because she was afraid that I would be uncomfortable. When I write this, thinking of the scene of the day, I am in my 30s, but my eyes are wet. Grandma should be the most lack of companionship now. I don’t know what I will think in my heart when I reach her age. I really hope. Grandma can live a hundred years old, can live, I really hope I can use my life to exchange her time in this world I love you grandma

6 months ago

Everyone thinks of love before dying, and care is the most tender bearing of love before dying. ——”Speaker” hospice care volunteer Ji Cien The first time I learned about hospice care, it started with a mindfulness group practice. In that training, we learned a technique called “simultaneous breathing”. Simply put, it means not talking to each other, by observing the ups and downs of the other’s chest and the movement of the nose and mouth, breathing together with the other’s rhythm. When I heard about this technique, I was still skeptical about the effect of “simultaneous breathing”. I partnered with another psychologist, teacher Ma, to practice the technique of breathing at the same frequency. At first I thought: Isn’t observing breathing easy? I just need to follow the rhythm of her chest ups and downs. I took it for granted, my breathing rhythm hadn’t been adjusted properly, and I was out of breath just after imitating her rhythm. So I quickly stopped imitating and returned to my own breathing rhythm. At this moment, Teacher Ma did not disrupt my breathing rhythm. She adjusted slowly, breathing softly and firmly, and then followed me. It is difficult for me to describe the magical feelings at the time-although we did not speak, I felt that she was accompanying me, especially her breathing adjustment, cooperating with me to adjust the breathing gently and firmly, and finally when we reached the same frequency, I felt To a motherly tenderness and companionship. How amazing is it? Obviously, teacher Ma and I were not familiar with each other before. The practice we had done indoors that day, but when I recalled it, it felt like sunlight was shining on her. At the end, we communicated with each other, and Teacher Ma said that she also had a feeling of being warm and accompanied. I can hardly imagine that just simply breathing with the same rhythm can achieve such a magical and warm healing effect. After I went back, I searched for information about “simultaneous breathing”, only to find that “simultaneous breathing” is one of the top ten techniques of hospice care. For those elderly people who are in a coma, or who have impaired language function or communication difficulties, co-breathing can cross language and establish contact with the elderly in a pure and gentle way like breathing, bringing a warm sense of companionship to the elderly. Not everyone can bear the weight of the word dying. When the elderly are dying, their family members are always very resistant, even afraid and avoiding it. Dying seems to mean pain and goodbye. At this time, the old people who really face death itself are actually the ones who are most afraid and need care, love and company. Hospice care is not something that only professionals can do. It gives the elderly the strength of peace of mind and arouses the elderly’s sense of completeness in life. Each of us can learn to do it. On the way to search for information, I have seen many nurses, volunteers, and psychological counselors sharing and sharing hospice care. In these stories, the end of life is not a cold and merciless word, it is more like a peaceful and peaceful sleep, and the end of life care we do is like preparing a comfortable and warm quilt for the elderly, we sit on the bed Bian, with love and warmth, say good night wishes. The center of hospice care is love and care. In fact, everyone can learn some simple hospice care techniques for better companionship and not to regret. Same-frequency breathing steps: (1) Adjust your self-state and face the elderly with love, acceptance and warmth; (2) Capture the breathing rate of the elderly: To capture the breathing rate of the elderly, you can use the following methods: ① Observe The ups and downs of the old man’s chest and abdomen. We can infer the breathing rate of the elderly by observing the ups and downs of the chest or abdomen of the elderly. If the elderly is lying in bed and covered with bedding, the breathing rate of the elderly can be captured according to the slight ups and downs of the bedding. ② Observe the breathing movement of the nose of the elderly. It is also possible to capture the breathing frequency of the elderly by observing the movement of the nose or mouth when the elderly breathes. ③If the old man agrees, he can touch his pulse. If conditions permit, you can also use the care technique of touching and communicating to gently place your hands on the pulse of the old man, feel the pulse of the old man, and capture the breathing rate of the old man. (3) Adjust your breathing so that your breathing is close to or the same as the breathing rate of the elderly. Accompany him with blessings and love. I really like the concept of the Peking University Shougang Hospital (Hospice Care) Anning and Nursing Research Team, so let’s use this as a summary of the article. Born to have love, die without regrets.

6 months ago

Excessive medical treatment has caused the frontline of death to be continuously stretched. It is a burden, not a panacea. Hospice care aims to alleviate the physical and mental pain of dying patients, maintain dignity and improve the quality of life. It is not only treatment, but also care. Whether it is at the end of life or in daily life, real care for the elderly cannot be separated from the importance of their “sense of control.” The frontline of death is getting longer and longer. The average life expectancy of subjects during the Roman Empire was 28 years. Now, the average life expectancy of most people in the world is more than 80 years. That’s right, it’s me who read the codewords and you who read them, without accident, can live to be 80 years old. The life expectancy of human beings has prolonged the life of old age, which is accompanied by changes in the way of old life and death. Natural death was once the most incredible method of death in the long history of mankind. Plague, disease, war, and hunger were once the sickle of death, but now, chronic diseases such as cancer, tumors, and cardiovascular diseases have become the last straw that crushes life. In the past, death was an instant matter. Now, the front of death is so long that it is not easy to die. Because a large group of people are waiting to catch you from the death line-they lose the ability to choose, cannot eat ice cream, cheese and chocolate, and can only rely on paste-like substances to sustain themselves. I have to be supported even when I go to the toilet, with liquid in my nose and a respirator. The nurse first lifted me into the wheelchair and slowly pushed me to the bathroom, carefully raised the oxygen cylinder and salt water, and put his hands under my armpits. He picked up the fat me and sat on the toilet. Take off your pants. Gosh, it’s not fun at all. The pants are all taken off, but the man in front of me just wants to know if your urination is smooth. By the way, at this time, I am an old grandmother who has completely lost her femininity. I am not afraid of death, but I am afraid of aging. Fear of being deprived of everything that the manager had taken for granted, loss of function, and unable to choose life autonomously. What death has been brought to us by over-medical treatment is the path that everyone must pass. What is important is how we face death, how to walk the last path of life, and how to maintain the meaning of life under the haze of death fear-freely Choose an independent life. The intensive care unit was filled with tubes and stopped in horror, or was he lying on his own bed holding his children’s hand and quietly leaving? Which one do you choose? Why do we undergo constant chemotherapy operations, endure the trauma of opening our chests, and face unavoidable infections and sequelae? Because we “think” that this kind of pain can be exchanged for a prolonged life, not just six months or one year, but ten or twenty years. However, this is not the case. Excessive medical treatment is a burden rather than a panacea. “When I live to the end, I hope to calmly face the focus of life, and in the way I choose.”-Stephen Jay Gould hospice care is not only treatment, but also care. With the development of social civilization, the term “Hospice Care” has increasingly entered people’s field of vision. Modern medicine generally agrees that hospice care is not only treatment, but also care. When no treatment can prevent the death of the patient, the goal is not to prolong the life of the dying patient, but to “reduce the physical and mental pain of the dying patient, maintain dignity, give the patient and their family spiritual support, and make them accept the facts frankly. “For the purpose of improving the quality of life of the elderly, so that they can face death calmly and walk through the last stages of life with dignity. In addition to simply prolonging life, severely ill patients have other priorities. The survey found that their main concerns include avoiding pain, strengthening contact with family and friends, being clear-headed, not being a burden to others, and achieving a sense of integrity in their lives. Dr. Artu Gwende mentioned in “The Best Farewell” that two-thirds of terminal cancer patients reported that they had not discussed the end-of-life care goals with their doctors. However, the other 1/3 of patients who have discussed this issue with their doctors rarely undergo cardiopulmonary resuscitation, wear a ventilator, and die in the ICU. Most of them joined hospice services. They experience less pain, are more physically capable, and can communicate better with others for longer. In addition, half a year after the death of these patients, the probability of their family members suffering from lasting severe depression is very small. In other words, patients who have substantial conversations with their doctors about their end-of-life preferences will be calmer when they die, have better control over their own conditions, and relieve their family members from suffering. Caring for the elderly: In addition to hospice care, the easily overlooked sense of control, how can we give practical care to the elderly in our daily lives? Behind the various specific caring behaviors, the most easily overlooked, and the most important thing is to pay attention to the sense of control of the elderly. From birth, we seem to have an instinct to control and effectively influence our environment. All the children in the world are busy turning knobs, opening boxes, and playing with toys. You can see a kind of “dominant” motive from them, just look at the joyful expressions after success. As an important way to perceive our own existence, our pursuit of this sense of control runs through our lives, and it is closely related to our sense of happiness. In a study, the elderly in a nursing home were divided into two groups. One group of elderly people was told that they could arrange their own time relatively freely, choose their own time to watch TV and movies, and voluntarily decide whether they want to have and Take care of a plant (actually caring elderly people choose to participate in such activities). As for the other group of senior citizens, their lives follow a uniformly arranged timetable-what time is the movie time, what time is the time to watch TV… and everyone is “distributed” a pot of plants as a benefit. In fact, the daily activities of the two groups of elderly people are very similar. The only difference is that the elderly in the first group believe that such a life is their own choice, and they can choose freely and take responsibility for their own lives. It is this simple belief that has greatly improved the physical function, health, and emotions of this group of elderly people after a period of time. They have fewer deaths, are more active in activities, and their quality of life has improved significantly. By allowing the elderly to regain their decision-making power and sense of competence, or even just a sense of control over certain activities in life, the negative effects of aging on people can be reduced.

6 months ago

Hospice care is a kind of medical treatment that is not performed for the purpose of treatment. It is to prolong life, relieve pain, and reduce symptoms. In other words, he exists to maintain the dignity of patients, and to help them live with the disease and provide quality services. In this struggle with life, not everyone will win, but everyone needs dignity. The dignity that is not abandoned, the dignity that is understood and recognized, and the dignity that can live freely without having to pursue the results that others want. In a sense, hospice care is like many mental illnesses and chronic diseases that require long-term medication and survival. To give a group dignity, it is necessary to first face the existence and needs of this group. Understand and identify with their emotions, needs, and existence itself. And this is missing or even belittled in the mainstream context of our current society. Aging itself is an incurable disease. We need to realize that youth and health are a privilege, and aging and disability are deprivation. And each of us will definitely experience this kind of deprivation. Calvino said that death is, you add this world and subtract you. We have no choice in the process of adding, and hope that the process of subtracting is not a painful abandonment.

6 months ago

When doing visits. I met a grandmother Tan, and someone in the courtyard called her grandmother number one. Mother-in-law No. 1 was at home at first, and the family hired a nanny for her, knowing the heat and cold, and took care of her for ten years. After taking care of the tenth year, the old man is already quite old, in his early eighties. At that time, the old man’s overall mobility was quite good, and she often did some chores within her own capacity. She liked to grow flowers and kept a row of flowers and plants on the balcony and watered them every few times. One day, when I used to water, I slid down on the remaining water on the ground, fell, and fell so hard that I couldn’t get up. Carefully hugged to the bed to rest, for a long time, still the pain was so bad that he couldn’t move around. The nanny hurriedly contacted her family and sent to the hospital for treatment. Seeing that the situation is so serious, the doctor told the elderly’s eldest son that what I said was more realistic, so don’t be angry. Your mother may be paralyzed when she is rescued from this situation, and her mobility will definitely be greatly reduced. For the elderly who are severely injured and paralyzed in bed like this, the rest of life, the hard work of your children, and the hard work of the elderly themselves, it is not easy to survive. The elder’s eldest son said, “It’s okay. You can check with my mother. The brothers still have some money. If you can’t save it, you can move and how much you can move. We can accept it.” It is not easy for her to raise a few of our brothers. After a short while, the doctor came back and told the eldest son of the old man that I had been practicing medicine for many years, and I had never seen an old man’s internal organs in such a good state of health. I was worried that after the treatment, I might be emptied. Look now, it’s totally ok. So I tried my best to rescue. After she was discharged from the hospital, her mother-in-law No. 1 was very mobile, and her sons and daughters-in-law were all in their 60s. It was difficult to take care of them for a long time. Under consideration, she was sent to a nearby nursing home. At first, the elderly were still very mobile. Weak, but also spent money to let the nurses pay more attention to the house inspection. The nursing home was opened at that time, and the mother-in-law was the first to move in. Here, the status and level of the elderly are richer, there are elderly people with great mobility, and there are also people who are seriously ill and bedridden all day long. This grandmother Tan is what we often call the No. 1 grandmother, 99 years old this year, from Chongqing. In the early days of liberation, when I came to Guangzhou with my husband who was transferred to work, I said that I would go back in three and five years. I didn’t know that I would stay and stay again. After that, I lived in Nanyue for 70 years. In the early years, Granny Tan was able to speak fluent Cantonese. In recent years, her accent has gradually become chaotic. When she speaks, she actually speaks a mixture of trilingual (Chongqing dialect, Cantonese, and Mandarin). Let a little Chongqing partner who has accompanied her He frowned and said that it was difficult. Once people get old, they are always fast. The first batch of people who live in the nursing home, have gone eight in ten years, and only the first mother-in-law Tan and another mother-in-law are left. Granny Tan has no daughters, only sons and three sons. Many people praise her sons for their filial piety. They are also really filial, and they practice their own practice and become a way to make various soups and porridges for her mother. The meat is finely sliced. Yes, cooked badly, fragrant, and then brought it over. The old man is willing to eat it by herself, so she can take it slowly. When the old man is feeling emotional and in a bad state, he also takes the initiative to feed himself, taking small sips and being very patient. Seasonal fruits and suitable nutrients have never stopped, and you can see them from time to time when you visit the elderly’s rooms. Right now, the elderly have lived in nursing homes for almost ten years, and they take turns bringing soup to watch every day, year after year. People come and don’t stay idle, chat seriously (such as singing nursery rhymes), give the old mother a massage, use a walker to help the old man walk around briefly, give each other high-five, make her happy, every time I see, Both stayed for about two hours. Mother-in-law No. 1’s teeth are very good. In 19 years, she hadn’t lost one of her 90-year-olds. If she hadn’t seen it with her own eyes, it would be hard to believe that such an old man could bite corn cobs so swiftly. , Eat ribs, gnaw chicken feet. Hospice care. Companion is very important. In addition to the elderly and the dying, it has a certain effect on relieving stress and adjusting emotions. Generally, care is focused on personal safety and daily diet. There are some levels of care, and they will pay attention to the complaints of the elderly and give feedback on their choices. Going deeper is to help achieve the spiritual level. For example, my grandma missed her brothers and sisters, and would nag with my dad and my second uncle about visiting them and walking with my uncle’s house. It depends on the actual situation of the individual. My dad and my second uncle usually take my grandmother three or two times a year as guests, and sometimes they invite each other to be a guest at home. Another example is a friend who is a volunteer. Her father likes to write things. Over the decades, he has written a few books full of old-style poems. This friend also knew that his father’s poems were of poor literary level and could not be on the stage. But she did not stimulate the elderly. When it was obvious that the vitality of the elderly was not as good as the day, she adjusted her mood in time, actively contacted a printing shop, sorted out and printed out her father’s poems at her own expense, and gave them to her father. gift. Then he asked his father many times about his personal thoughts and wishes, and took the old man to see where he wanted to go and the people he wanted to meet. At that time, she was not retired, and in order to do this, she gritted her teeth and quit her job. After more than half a year, his father passed away. It turned out that his rapid aging before was a sign. Before he died, his father said to her, thank you very much. This big man has been busy for most of his life, but he never said anything about his needs. His daughter’s observation and dedication made him particularly gratified. So, look. Take the initiative to accompany, take the initiative to follow up something. For the family itself, companionship itself is also a kind of nourishment, this kind of thing is mutual, and people’s hearts are grown in flesh. There are some things you did and you did it, or you didn’t, and the person is gone, Jingye will think about it and reflect on it, it’s too late.

6 months ago

Please read “Mage Yinguang Wenchao”. Namo Amitabha. The dying pain of a person is boundless and boundless, like the indescribable pain of shelling a turtle. Therefore, Buddhists and other believers should give life care and care to the dying. We Buddhists mainly give free chanting to the deceased or before death. It is to recite the name of Buddha Amitabha to people who are dying or who have been dead for less than 8 hours. Persuaded him to recite Buddhism with everyone and live in the Western Paradise. “What else needs to be cared about in the lives of the elderly”? ? Please go to the nursing home to attend school. Or consult a doctor, nurse, etc., maybe more professional. Namo Amitabha

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