You need to build a personal value evaluation system. Cai Kangyong shared a story in an interview: Steven Spielberg (Spielberg), at the age of 27, became a hot director because of the movie “Jaws”. At that time, “Time” magazine used him as the cover and made a compliment to him. When the magazine was delivered to the studio, Spielberg did not take it. The producer was surprised and said: “The whole book is about you, why don’t you read it?” Then Spielberg said, “If I believe what they praise me now, I will believe what they say to me. Attack.” Don’t care too much about what others say about you. No matter what, how you evaluate yourself is the most important thing. People have two evaluation systems, one is a self-evaluation system, and the other is an evaluation system for others. When you are a minor, you will rely more on the evaluation of people around you, because only in this way can you confirm your sense of worth. When you grow up, if you are still paying attention to the evaluation system of others, you will crumble when you do anything. You will be very concerned about any denial of you, and will fall into the negative emotions of guilt, regret, and lack of self-confidence. So in the face of other people’s denials and the lack of our own abilities, how should we establish a personal evaluation system? The book “The Courage to Be Disgusted” introduces a way of thinking called “Separation of Subjects.” What is subject separation? Let us assume the following scenario. “As a newcomer in the workplace, if the boss obviously doesn’t like you, do you want to resign?” You might think, “As long as I don’t have this boss, or change my boss, I will work better.” Or “Don’t quit, I must face difficulties On the other hand, resignation is escape.” The key point of this question is not whether you want to resign, but how do you define and treat your boss’s dislike of you? It is not an objective question, but a subjective question. From the perspective of “problem separation”, you are you, the boss is the boss, and you are two subjects. The boss has the boss’s subject, and you have your subject. Regardless of whether the boss likes you, or if he loses his temper at you, that is something the boss has to consider, not your topic. Even if the boss is unreasonable, it is a problem that the boss should deal with. You do not need to please and compromise, nor do you have to try to “correct” the boss’s view of you. What you have to do is to deal with your own subject first. Then the question arises, how to deal with your own subject? The book “The Disgusted Courage” is already very good, and I will extract three levels from it to share with you the concept of “subject separation” and see which level you can achieve. The first layer: Separation from “your work”. No matter you are studying or working, the articles you write, the works you design, and the plans you plan will all face the scrutiny of others. Some people will affirm and praise your work, but some will give you negative and Negative feedback. I had a colleague before, who just entered the position of product manager. During the process of making a product plan, he did not communicate with the leader in time and adjust the needs. In the end, he was beaten back to redo, and then a lot of negative emotions were generated. The project stalled. Later, after communicating with him, he told me that because he was afraid of being denied by the leader, he might have made a mistake at the beginning, but he didn’t know it. He didn’t know that he was wrong when he finally delivered the plan to the leader. At this time, the more you give, the less you want to admit that it is wrong. Invisibly, you bind your plan closely to yourself. Do you think that if they deny the fruits of your labor, they deny you. If you negate your point of view, you are negated. However, you can avoid this kind of thinking trap. There is a knowledge point in Internet product design called “MVP”. MVP is the minimum viable product. Its core idea is: you have to quickly make a sample, then quickly verify the requirements, verify the business requirements with the boss, and verify the product experience requirements with the users. The function of the product is denied? Then let’s discuss the rationality of the function; the product flow is negated? Then we go to improve the product process; it does not matter if it is denied, because you are you and the product is a product. You have to separate from your product, so that the product will move toward a positive cycle and stand the test of the market and users. Therefore, if you learn to separate from the plan you have worked hard to design, you have to focus on greater goals and greater value. When you are discussing issues with others, if your views are well separated, you will be more focused on problem-solving because you will not feel frustrated. The second layer: separate from the “your identity tag”. In the workplace, many students may be able to achieve the first level of separation, which is to separate from their own works and opinions. But it is difficult to separate one’s own identity tags. What is an identity tag? For example, your education level, family background, external conditions, age, these attributes that you cannot change. And often many people develop inferiority complex because of these hard conditions. But everyone is imperfect, everyone has their own shining points, to pay attention to and discover your value, these values may be in some new dimensions. Here to introduce you to a concept called “Z-axis transformation”. Take poor grades and low academic qualifications as examples. When reading, our eyes are only on the plane of the X and Y axes, and the crowds run forward in the delineated P range. The rules are simple and clear. The so-called better than you or You are weaker than those that are only seen in front of our eyes. After leaving the campus, the rules are no longer simple, and the role of the Z axis is revealed. You will suddenly find that the roads that everyone walks are not on the same plane at all, and the rules of each plane are different. Everyone is not on the same track at all. In the past, low self-esteem because of poor grades no longer exists, and people will gradually become bigger and bigger over time. Many things that I cared about before, I won’t care about it in the future. Some time ago I chatted with the students of the university. I told everyone that what you really want to enhance is your own ability. This ability is compound, such as professional skills, communication skills, self-study ability, etc., avoid focusing only on On the label in front of you. Outside of the ivory tower, where is there so much step-by-step? Everyone has their own different Z-axis, whether it is industry or occupation, some people are just as comfortable as a fish, and some are not used to it. Many people have not released their potential on the previous plane, but on the new plane, they truly begin to realize their value. This is the real world, and you have to learn how to separate topics from your own unalterable labels in the real world. The third layer: Separate “the past you” from the “present you”. Mistakes are inevitable, and masters sometimes miss, but some classmates will have a strong sense of regret and self-blame because they have made a little mistake, and then they will always think in their minds: if you did something more at that time Well, it would be great if you were a little decisive at the time… The past you are not the same as the current you. You were wrong in the past, it doesn’t matter, you are growing up now, just right. There is a famous philosophical question called “The Ship of Theseus.” It describes a ship that can sail for hundreds of years at sea. During the voyage, it needs uninterrupted maintenance and replacement of parts. If one board rots, it will be replaced. After the second board rots and breaks, it is replaced again, and so on, until all the boards and functional parts are replaced. So the question is, since all its functional parts are not those at the beginning, is this ship of Theseus still the ship from the beginning? The same is true for people. People are constantly growing and changing. Time has passed, and your name has not changed, and your memory has not changed. So what is changing? It is your thinking and cognition, your ability tree, and the way you look at the world! Are you the same you were before? In this dynamic change, you have to look forward and reconcile with your past self. The author of “Thinking, Fast and Slow”, Daniel Kahneman, is even more interesting. Not only is he not afraid of making mistakes, he is also happy to discover his own mistakes. He is 80 years old. If you can point out one of his mistakes in person, he will very happy. Summary Sometimes, we all like to compete with ourselves. When you are in a dead end, you have to learn to admit your shortcomings, and then focus on variable things and take responsibility for your future self. There is a saying that I like very much. Life is like a book. Turning to the current page, there are many pages behind. You never know what will follow. So don’t always think about looking forward, just turn back page by page. ——If this answer is useful to you, then we may establish a deeper interactive relationship~ 1. Give this answer a thumbs up (double-tap the screen to try), so that more students can also get some help ; 2. Follow Xiaolu, there are more answers useful to you.