There is a three-and-a-half-year-old girl in Chongqing. Her father often educates her with “strike-style” language. He thinks that struggling is the only way to know how to strive, so he often tells his daughter, “You are really too stupid!” “Your mouth is too stupid!” How can people grow up?”
According to the daughter’s mother, the child went to kindergarten in September last year. The teacher would ask her to review the ancient poems and English words learned in the kindergarten at home. The husband would help her to review the ancient poems twice or read the wrong words at home. She said she was too stupid and couldn’t learn anything. Normally, at this time, her daughter would answer that she was not stupid, and then her husband would say “Then you are smart and learn quickly.”
The child’s mother has always disapproved of this way of educating the child, and communication with her husband is still fruitless. Do you agree with this kind of “hit education”?
It is not the child who is stupid, but the father. To educate children with the radical method seen in the novel is also drunk. Agitation is to use personality insults to make others lose their minds, not to make people think. You can’t even see the difference. How stupid do you think this father is? A kindergarten child, all kinds of logical thinking and awareness of rules are still under construction. At this stage of enlightenment, not only does he get no guidance, but he endures various personal insults from his biological father every day. This is simply a spiritual domestic violence. . What’s more interesting is that this father thought that “if you know that you are not good enough, you should show your attitude and work hard”, while his wife refused to examine his own problems and refused to be pointed out when his wife was communicating with him. Good place. Although I think I am a person with good emotional management skills, if anyone dares to teach my child in this way, I will still beat him! If a child suffers from such mental abuse for a long time since he was a child, he will easily feel that he is inherently not good enough, that he cannot be recognized by others, and even feel that he is inferior because he is always unable to fight for the right to speak in the relationship. Entering society with such a distorted self-awareness will produce very serious interpersonal maladjustment, tension, anxiety, hostility, fear, and depression. Almost all the mental pain you can imagine may erupt at a moment of complete collapse. To avoid teaching their children to be disabled, parents must first keep in mind one sentence: The problem you see may happen to be the child’s means to solve the real problem. For example, children are always reluctant to do homework and practice well, so this avoidance behavior is used to solve the anxiety and fear in the face of learning. Everyone is afraid of frustration and loss of control, especially children, who feel that everything should be under their control-this also explains why young children always use snatching and attacking methods to deal with other children’s relationships . So when faced with a brand new learning task, the strong sense of strangeness and loss of control will make children instinctively want to escape or attack the task. They will say that this task is not fun at all. At this time, it is not possible to solve by coercion and temptation. After all, coercion and temptation are essentially to make children make a difficult choice between “beating and scolding” and “pressure of learning.” When the pressure of learning is too great, whether it is a threat or a reward, the effect is actually not good enough. To eliminate children’s unfamiliarity with learning, it is necessary to train the child’s language system first, use patience and companionship to help the child overcome fear and fear of difficulties, and not just focus on “preventing children from running away.” For example, if you want to teach a child to learn a Tang poem, at least some basic concepts need to be “entered” into the child’s head-the day of hoeing is noon, what is hoeing, what is hoeing, why hoeing, and why Emphasize that day is noon, in order to teach children to really learn this sentence, the father should even pull the child at noon, with a straw hat and drink, and go digging in the yard at noon. Although the process does not necessarily involve the bitterness of hoeing, the feeling of exposure to the sun at noon will make the child truly understand the hardship of noon on the day of hoeing. To teach children, parents need to show their children the huge world behind a simple symbol. Just “Why the hexadecimal system is used in ancient China, but the decimal system is popular now”, behind this is the rise and fall of the Chinese agricultural empire for thousands of years. First teach the child to see the magnificence behind it from a very small point, then he will naturally learn the aesthetic ability, and use this ability to explore other beautiful bits on his own, and then accumulate less. When a child is frustrated or injured in the process of exploration, what is needed is the care, comfort and healing of the parents, rather than a dry sentence of “Come on, you can do it!” In this way, the child can feel that he is not alone, not alone. People are exploring the dark unknown world alone. Don’t be afraid, curiosity and courage will naturally come out. Where do I need to be excited? Parents who are trying to win at the starting line hope to let their children learn 10 million in one day, and memorize the multiplication table in one day. In order to control their children, they also use the aggressive method. The harder you smoke, the faster your child will waste. On Zhihu, I have seen a way of empathy that the main answerer said is not bad: if you think 125+125 is a very simple thing that you should learn quickly, it’s because you have learned 10 decades earlier. You are already familiar with this language system, so you find it simple. Have the courage to try binary arithmetic and calculate what 11101101+10110100 is equal to? If you can’t figure it out in 2 minutes, you slap yourself, dare you come? When you really feel pain in yourself and start to get bored with this topic, you will know why the more you scold the child, the more tired the child is.