There is a three-and-a-half-year-old girl in Chongqing. Her father often educates her with “strike-style” language. He thinks that struggling is the only way to know how to strive, so he often tells his daughter, “You are really too stupid!” “Your mouth is too stupid!” How can people grow up?”
According to the daughter’s mother, the child went to kindergarten in September last year. The teacher would ask her to review the ancient poems and English words learned in the kindergarten at home. The husband would help her to review the ancient poems twice or read the wrong words at home. She said she was too stupid and couldn’t learn anything. Normally, at this time, her daughter would answer that she was not stupid, and then her husband would say “Then you are smart and learn quickly.”
The child’s mother has always disapproved of this way of educating the child, and communication with her husband is still fruitless. Do you agree with this kind of “hit education”?

It is not the child who is stupid, but the father. To educate children with the radical method seen in the novel is also drunk. Agitation is to use personality insults to make others lose their minds, not to make people think. You can’t even see the difference. How stupid do you think this father is? A kindergarten child, all kinds of logical thinking and awareness of rules are still under construction. At this stage of enlightenment, not only does he get no guidance, but he endures various personal insults from his biological father every day. This is simply a spiritual domestic violence. . What’s more interesting is that this father thought that “if you know that you are not good enough, you should show your attitude and work hard”, while his wife refused to examine his own problems and refused to be pointed out when his wife was communicating with him. Good place. Although I think I am a person with good emotional management skills, if anyone dares to teach my child in this way, I will still beat him! If a child suffers from such mental abuse for a long time since he was a child, he will easily feel that he is inherently not good enough, that he cannot be recognized by others, and even feel that he is inferior because he is always unable to fight for the right to speak in the relationship. Entering society with such a distorted self-awareness will produce very serious interpersonal maladjustment, tension, anxiety, hostility, fear, and depression. Almost all the mental pain you can imagine may erupt at a moment of complete collapse. To avoid teaching their children to be disabled, parents must first keep in mind one sentence: The problem you see may happen to be the child’s means to solve the real problem. For example, children are always reluctant to do homework and practice well, so this avoidance behavior is used to solve the anxiety and fear in the face of learning. Everyone is afraid of frustration and loss of control, especially children, who feel that everything should be under their control-this also explains why young children always use snatching and attacking methods to deal with other children’s relationships . So when faced with a brand new learning task, the strong sense of strangeness and loss of control will make children instinctively want to escape or attack the task. They will say that this task is not fun at all. At this time, it is not possible to solve by coercion and temptation. After all, coercion and temptation are essentially to make children make a difficult choice between “beating and scolding” and “pressure of learning.” When the pressure of learning is too great, whether it is a threat or a reward, the effect is actually not good enough. To eliminate children’s unfamiliarity with learning, it is necessary to train the child’s language system first, use patience and companionship to help the child overcome fear and fear of difficulties, and not just focus on “preventing children from running away.” For example, if you want to teach a child to learn a Tang poem, at least some basic concepts need to be “entered” into the child’s head-the day of hoeing is noon, what is hoeing, what is hoeing, why hoeing, and why Emphasize that day is noon, in order to teach children to really learn this sentence, the father should even pull the child at noon, with a straw hat and drink, and go digging in the yard at noon. Although the process does not necessarily involve the bitterness of hoeing, the feeling of exposure to the sun at noon will make the child truly understand the hardship of noon on the day of hoeing. To teach children, parents need to show their children the huge world behind a simple symbol. Just “Why the hexadecimal system is used in ancient China, but the decimal system is popular now”, behind this is the rise and fall of the Chinese agricultural empire for thousands of years. First teach the child to see the magnificence behind it from a very small point, then he will naturally learn the aesthetic ability, and use this ability to explore other beautiful bits on his own, and then accumulate less. When a child is frustrated or injured in the process of exploration, what is needed is the care, comfort and healing of the parents, rather than a dry sentence of “Come on, you can do it!” In this way, the child can feel that he is not alone, not alone. People are exploring the dark unknown world alone. Don’t be afraid, curiosity and courage will naturally come out. Where do I need to be excited? Parents who are trying to win at the starting line hope to let their children learn 10 million in one day, and memorize the multiplication table in one day. In order to control their children, they also use the aggressive method. The harder you smoke, the faster your child will waste. On Zhihu, I have seen a way of empathy that the main answerer said is not bad: if you think 125+125 is a very simple thing that you should learn quickly, it’s because you have learned 10 decades earlier. You are already familiar with this language system, so you find it simple. Have the courage to try binary arithmetic and calculate what 11101101+10110100 is equal to? If you can’t figure it out in 2 minutes, you slap yourself, dare you come? When you really feel pain in yourself and start to get bored with this topic, you will know why the more you scold the child, the more tired the child is.


By zhiwo

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8 months ago

A father who can’t even achieve the minimum level of respect is not qualified to talk about education; because the threshold of education is respect; he can’t do the most basic respect for his children, which means that he has no chance to advance even the threshold of education. It’s precisely because there are many parents like him who don’t have the most basic educational knowledge and don’t know how to respect their children, causing many children to lose in the wrong education of their parents. Before parents educate their children, they must first Educate yourself well, and only if you have a sense of peace, can you deliver helpful messages to your children; if parents learn to respect their children, many children’s lives will be much smoother; parents establish an equal and respectful relationship with their children, and parents will learn for their own life. , To continuously improve their own vision and pattern, not to point to the side and drag the child, but to be a high-level accompaniment to the child, is the smart parent; the child is standing on the shoulders of the parents to see the world, if Parents’ thinking has limitations, narrow horizons, and lack of pattern. Only after the children have completed the breakthrough of the original family’s thinking limitations very hard, can they have the opportunity to go further; if the parents are willing to learn for life and constantly break through their own thinking bottlenecks, Then the path of the child will be very smooth;

8 months ago

It’s helpless to say that my mother was hit by all kinds of things like this. But my mother was not beaten by my grandmother and grandfather, but by her teacher. My mother taught me since I was young to study mathematics well. Because of her poor mathematics, she was always called “elm bumps” by the teacher when she was in elementary school. Even to this day, she feels that mathematics is the hurdle in her life that she couldn’t get through. In the earliest time in the memory, she told me, “You study maths hard, and my mother of Chinese and English can teach you later. Mathematics is really not good.” I don’t know whether these blows have a good effect or a bad effect on my mother in the end. . But at least her mathematics didn’t change very well under all kinds of shocking environments. On the contrary, she didn’t like to learn maths. What she said was probably – if it wasn’t for the exam, she really gave up completely. Even the math is a mess in the end. Sometimes you think that the “stupid, you can’t learn anything” in your speech is your encouragement and reverse motivation. In fact, the result is often just to further engrave the three big characters “you can’t do” on his young mind. You think your scolding is the inducement for her to work hard and secretly work hard. In fact, the result is often just that, in her young mind, her sensitivity, fragility, and fear have increased again and again. Maybe she didn’t show it at the moment, but the huge pressure will really accompany her for many years to come. Maybe everyone wants to be a good parent after they have a child, but I really hope that before trying to be a good parent, don’t be blind, let alone go it alone. Children are human beings who will grow up. Some bottomless blows will really hurt a lifetime.

8 months ago

This is not education, this is “domestic violence”! Do not do to others what you don’t want to do to others.” It is recommended that the leaders of the male unit carry out “precision strikes” on them every day to achieve the goal of “treating illnesses and saving people”. I think he needs to see a doctor. How vulnerable is such a young child, and he is also attacking education. , And what does it have to do with education? Constantly scolding, hitting the self-esteem of a 3-year-old daughter. What is education? Poor children meet such an innumerable father. If the 3-year-old child has not developed his mind, he will fight every day. What you want? Is the “wolf sex education” of Douyin learning? Speechless!

8 months ago

Frustration education is good, but don’t be frustrated. In the question, Dad is not only frustrated, it has almost risen to a level of violence. Frustration education is generally placed in mental health education, not to educate children with setbacks, but to teach children how to deal with setbacks. For example, schools (currently mainly in universities) also have “frustration education”, and again, the emphasis is on “education.” What is education? To enable students to correctly understand pressure and frustration, understand the main sources of pressure and frustration, understand the meaning of pressure and frustration to life, learn to properly manage pressure and cope with frustration, and so on. How to educate? Not only ideological, political, and special subjects are taught, but also subtly taught in subject courses, and physical exercise, military training, labor education, patriotism, and so on. Not only through the form of courses, but also through various psychological theme activities, cultural, sports and artistic activities. What is the extension of school frustration education? Screening and census of students’ real problems and mental health problems, providing mental health education and consultation, early intervention of mental problems, identification and warning of risk behaviors of mental problems, etc. From the school’s “frustration education”, we can see that all kinds of frustration and frustration education are for mental health. What did Dad do in the question? It’s just for fear that the child is mentally healthy. Mental health is very important for people of all ages. Children and adolescents deserve special attention because their understanding of things, themselves, and frustrations is still developing. For example, I don’t know much about things, and I feel that everything “should” be good, perfect, and good things should happen to me. Insufficient knowledge of oneself, or excessive expectations, or excessive demands. If you encounter something, the whole world feels sorry for itself externally, and internally it denies itself too much, thinking that it can’t do anything. Both inside and outside are a vicious circle. Insufficient awareness of setbacks, “only in this mountain”, or unable to escape emotions and look at it objectively, or fail to see the two sides of things. Entangled by the setbacks encountered, replaying in my mind, repeatedly experiencing self-blame, anxiety, shame, depression, etc. psychologically… However, this kind of cognition of things, self, and setbacks is not simply through “encountering setbacks.” To get it. This is why the so-called “fighting education,” “hardship education,” and “frustration education” mess around, do more harm than good. Setbacks are especially prone to happen when they are about to enter the society or the early stage of entering the society, which is the saying that “is about to be beaten by the society.” This is why the current national educational resources on mental health are mainly concentrated in universities. But now that the whole people are involuntarily… “Beat” frustration can be said to be everywhere, all the time. As a parent, we must always be alert to ourselves: in the process of educating children, we must be the “source of strength” for the child, not the “source of stress” and “frustration”; be the healing harbor after the child is “beaten”, not the elbow Abducted out, “beaten” the children with the society, and put the last straw together. As a parent, we must also pay special attention to the physical and mental health of the child, and cultivate the child’s inner strength in daily life and education since childhood. This inner strength can protect itself and continue to grow after the child is away from the wings in the future. In short, the purpose of the frustration education we need should be to give children some knowledge and abilities. These knowledge and abilities can enhance their adaptability and tolerance to setbacks when they suddenly encounter setbacks and pressures. What’s more, what strategies and behaviors can be used to control emotions, adjust mental states, play their potential and actively respond to stress, relieve stress, and solve problems. To put it bluntly, it means that you are not afraid of things, can handle things in your heart, and can solve them, instead of unreasonably letting children suffer, fail, and suffer psychological or even physical shocks. It’s purely okay. Finally, it is also very important to do a good job of your own “frustration education”. Don’t project and unload some of your own things on your children. As for forcing 3-year-old children to recite ancient poems, that is another topic.

8 months ago

For parents, children seem to be their work. The strange thing is that some of the people who shape this work do not blame their poor craftsmanship and lack of diligence. Instead, they blame the children for not being able to support the wall with a puddle of mud and implementing “attack education.” Just like the father of this 3-year-old daughter, because the daughter did not memorize ancient poems or mispronounced the words, he said that she was too stupid and couldn’t learn anything. After arriving at relatives, she condemned the daughter for failing to call others according to her father’s request. Daughter: “How can you make people know when your mouth grows up?” In essence, is this approach effective in educating children? There may be, but the disadvantages far outweigh the advantages. Living in a shocked environment for a long time will result in a serious lack of self-confidence. What is derived is an introverted character. When dealing with people, it is more often in a flattering state. Because I was worried about making mistakes and worried about being blamed, I didn’t dare to express my words at will. This is a very unhealthy personality. “Fighting education” has created a gap between parents and children, a wall, in exchange for the alienation of children from their parents. The 3-year-old daughter who was hit by her father for a long time this time is a living case. She told reporters that she didn’t like her father taking her to read vocabulary and ancient poems, and she liked her mother to take her to read together. Cai Yuanpei once said in the book “Chinese Cultivation”: It is not academic performance that determines a child’s life, but a sound personality. To cultivate a healthy personality in their children, the first thing parents need to do is to change the tone and way of speaking. The child is already in an immature stage of the Three Views. At this time, the parents’ words “you can’t do” and “you are so stupid” may leave in their hearts the eternal imprint of “I am really useless”. Again, there is a problem with the work, and the complaint should be the craftsmanship of the producer.

8 months ago

I have always felt that children should be treated with due respect and equal treatment, and their feelings cannot be ignored just because they are young. I was educated in this way by my mother since I was a child, and I was always said to be useless. Look at how other children’s children are. Their academic performance is not as good as others, and they are not as smart as other children’s children. See how obedient children in other people’s families can do housework, etc., etc. Many times my mother beats and scolds me and compares it with other kids. At that time, she felt very hurt of her self-esteem, and she didn’t want to say anything to them. In the long run, people become very introverted, but she thinks a lot in her heart. I once ran away from home once, took the tuition and ran away, and finally got caught and went back, but was not beaten. In the worst case, I have thought of reopening. At the end of high school, I strongly demanded that, under the threat of not going to school, I went to live in school. Finally, I gradually became more cheerful. Finally, I entered a junior college. If my family education is better, I might be able to go to school. This is not necessarily. Based on my blood experience and lessons, I think this father’s way of education is not desirable. I think encouraging and motivating the child is better than hitting. It hurts the child’s young mind too much, and it is easy to develop the child into an extremely introvert. The character of the glass heart has been beaten for a long time, and if the child does not feel love, the child may be driven to extremes. I think it’s better to distinguish between rewards and punishments. Children do well and have made greater progress in test scores. The encouragement needs to be encouraged, and the reward needs to be rewarded. If the child did something wrong, the punishment must be punished. Sometimes the child has worked very hard, but failed to do well in the exam, so you might as well look for more reasons and encourage him.

8 months ago

Suppress children without the ability? I’m afraid there is no educational purpose. It affects mental health for sure. But this kind of guardian still needs to accept more severe beatings from the society. The property system, family inheritance of power and wealth are the basic components of social ethics, laws and operational order. Based on my life experience, children’s personal talents and biological traits, social resources and wealth enjoyed, and family education are closely related to the level of their parents or main guardians. It’s not easy to play super level. If the child does not have any special reasons or special defects, guardians, including biological parents and socio-economic guardians, should reflect on whether there is any problem and see if they can change themselves. Regardless of personal social resources and biological characteristics, the high degree of similarity between parents and offspring means that there are many similarities in the problems that children and parents need to overcome in their lives. For problems that cannot be overcome by oneself, children may not be better than their parents. The ideal social order does not necessarily have to be this way, but it is often the case.

8 months ago

I have always felt that scolding children is tantamount to bullying the weak, because they are very small and unable to resist. It’s like walking on the street. If someone hits you, the other person is a tough guy who is taller and stronger than you. You dare not yell at you because you will be afraid of being beaten. Just like when you are working in a company, your boss scolds you in front of other colleagues during a meeting. In many cases, you will swallow your anger in order to keep your job. But in the face of children, you can assume the posture of a strong and fierce man, scold with a loud voice, show that you are the boss of the TA, and the TA must silently accept being scolded by you. This is not called education, it is fighting, bullying, and labeling children. I just watched Peter Rabbit’s movie two days ago. In the movie, the male protagonist (the owner of the rabbit) often used some casual words to hurt Peter. For example, he would say that Peter is the rabbit that causes the most trouble. When something happened, he would think Peter did it first, and he didn’t believe Peter’s explanation, and so on. Later, Peter really began to doubt himself, thinking that he was a bad rabbit, left its owner, mistrusted some damaging friends, participated in some things stealing food and harming innocent farmers, and later implicated himself. Good friends are in trouble. At the end of the movie, the male protagonist reflected on that he had used some words to hurt Peter. It was not his intention, but because he himself didn’t know how to be a good father. I hope that in real life, we also know how to reflect on ourselves at all times. The power of verbal harm is so great that it can make children lose confidence, deny themselves, or even lead them astray and embark on a path of rebellion. Please don’t call this verbal attack “attack education”. Children need to be respected.

8 months ago

First of all, to be clear, I do not agree with this kind of education. This father thought it was motivation, but in fact it was a verbal attack or abuse. When I saw this, I thought of a word-PUA. Blindly swearing and demeaning, this kind of behavior disrespect the children is not so-called “education”, let alone encouragement. The correct incentive is a certain reward and punishment measure, coupled with effective communication to stimulate and guide the other party to effectively achieve their personal goals, so that the child’s progress. Children over three years old will not think too deeply at a stage when they are new to the world and are learning. Basically what you tell them is what they think it is. To a large extent, children are like this. If they want them to think deeper, they need to be guided by others. The father’s actions will not make the child angry, but will have a high probability of self-doubt. The mentality of doing nothing. Cause indelible trauma to the child’s young mind. I hope that parents, before educating their children, can empathize, if their parents educate themselves in this way, whether they can accept it. Give the child a certain amount of respect and affirmation, rather than blindly belittle or deny the goal.

8 months ago

This is not good. There are only three directions for such an educated child. The first. It is the most common development of the golden mean. After continuing the boredom of the parents, I will also give birth to a baby to fill the gaps, study, work, get married, have a baby, and do it again with my own children. To live is to find something to pass the time that you don’t know how to squander, just like this child and her parents. Why do they spend so much attention on the three-year-old child? It is not that there is no content to be interested in each other, so they have to spend their energy on the child. Just as some people really have nothing to say to each other, then if conditions permit, one or two kittens and puppies will be used as pets. Nothing to say, just use pets as a medium to make the scene a little fluid. But after all, pets cannot appreciate, and their values ​​are too frivolous. They are not as “valuable” as their own children. With children as their focus, they finally find something meaningful to do, in the name of love and the name of the future. . . Otherwise, is it not embarrassing their emotional intelligence, how can they create a happy meaning of life out of thin air? It’s meaningless! Life is so meaningless, giving birth to a baby makes meaning, many people do this, and only do it. Then, their children will continue the boredom step by step. A step-by-step assembly line can be used as a staged “well-being” for the industrialization of mankind. The second kind. Their children were noticed prematurely, and they were influenced by cultural philosophy and other things prematurely. Their brain development did not keep up with the density and quality of information input, resulting in cognitive confusion. It is easy to break out of depression or neurosis in the teens. Once this happens, it is difficult to recover, and the pain will inevitably follow. Good luck, in the future, while working and living while taking drugs, parents bear this series of more troublesome consequences, causal cycle, chicken flying, stone smashing, pain also have to hold warm water and frogs to maintain, two-way internal friction and time, Report all on yourself. With bad luck, the child committed suicide and died. With natural selection and survival of the fittest, the gene that is not enough for this family has faded from generation to generation. Made small sacrifices and contributions to the evolution of human consciousness. If the parents are still young and their sexual abilities still remain, it is recommended not to be discouraged, take some supplements, and have another one! Try again, maybe it won’t be such a “scrap” next time. The third kind. Their child is a rare and clever child, genetically not inherited from them, and inherited the possibility of grandparents or similar human grandmother genes. Then the child’s thinking mode will inevitably be very abnormal, which parents can’t control. As he grows up, no one can say who controls it, maybe the parents are anti-control. If the child is generous, the parents will still have relatively little trouble, but it is impossible to know what their child is doing, and will not intervene in any way. The homosexual closeness that was originally designed by every means, was unilaterally cut off by the child, and the parents “invested” for many years. Seeing the results are just ahead, but they can’t catch it and get no more benefits. They must be psychologically itchy. The child’s initial authority has become a flattery to him. If the child is not very open-minded, it will be useless for the parents to do anything. The child who is too smart is not yours. There is almost no light, no matter how careful education is for this kind of children, all roads lead to Rome, and they will learn by themselves without their parents. Parents can’t keep up. After raising them for so long, the two elders are completely blank in their minds. They don’t know anything about how to control them. If a child retaliates due to childhood pains, he always has the ability to make the parents afraid and completely passive. When he grows up a lot, he doesn’t like his parents even more. Parents may be mud or ladders. They are tools for the interests of both parties, and they will be discarded when they are useless. In short, a person with a strong head is more open-minded than ordinary people imagine, and it is also very daunting. It was his father and his mother who frightened the doubting world first. Therefore, this is not very good, and there are clear benefits. Please continue to cheer for these two parents. They are optimistic about the productivity of this family, which is fully functional to society from all angles.

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