Whether the marriage has come to an end depends on your own judgment. But the words are ahead, if the two reach the bottom of nothing to say, this will indeed speed up the end of the marriage. But before it ends, you need to look at your relationship. Is it just these few reasons that the marriage has come to today? Maybe, if you don’t summarize the problem, you simply want to divorce, unless you don’t get married in the future, otherwise, even if you remarry, there will be problems sooner or later, and maybe it will continue to end. How did you get to where you are today? 80% of divorced men and women believe that the breakup of their marriage is due to the gradual alienation of each other, loss of intimacy, or because they do not feel love and appreciation. In fact, the breakdown of marriage does not happen overnight. When the husband and wife speak harshly and take everything for granted, the marriage has begun to bury hidden dangers. I have read the daily written by a mother on the Internet: Get up at 6: 00, get up and give the child and after washing. Mr. prepares breakfast. 6:30 Ask the husband to get up with the child, eat at 7:00, send the child to school 8:00, clean up and prepare for work 17:30 Pick up the child from school, buy groceries and go home to cook at 19:00 After the meal, help the child do homework, clean up the house, and be busy Many people commented when they went to bed at night, why not let the father of the child help? The child’s father replied with confidence. The man is in charge of the outside and the woman is in charge. I have been busy in the company for a day. Besides, isn’t this all what a woman should do? Just one word broke my mother’s heart, and finally decided to divorce! At that time, my father was not convinced, thinking that he could do it too. After taking the child for less than half a year, he messed up his life, only to know that behind his glamorous beauty, there was a woman who worked hard. Naturally, there are often verbal attacks, harsh accusations, contempt, cover-ups, and cold wars. For example: Why are you so stupid and can’t do anything well? What do you think of your children? When both parties begin to have nothing to say, it accelerates the end of the marriage. This situation tends to appear in the stage of men’s career unsuccessful. Men like to show their own successful side, but it is difficult to accept their own fragile and persuasive side. If the wife is the same, then this becomes a dead end in marriage, and the relationship between the two can only be superficial. What is afraid of in marriage is not that problems cannot be solved, but that when a person is hurt, the partner will not pay attention to it. Another situation is that both of them are children who are very obedient to their parents, and they have not yet moved away from the role of the child into the role of an adult. This kind of playmate marriage will come to an end when it’s time to have a child, because both parties are not ready to become parents, because becoming parents often means that both parties have more adult behaviors, but if one person does The child has not done enough and fears the adult world, his way can only be a passive and ignorant way. If a man does not have enough maturity, he will have a feeling of being replaced by a new child, and he will not be able to truly enter the role of a father. Women will be child-centered, or completely hand over the children to their parents, or become the mother of a housewife, or be her own little girl. In short, she also lacks the ability to face the complicated life situation after giving birth. There are two factors in the vicious circle of love. One is that we can’t accept each other’s disillusionment of marriage, and the other is that we all need each other’s understanding, but we are all trapped in our own specific emotions and cannot get out like two children. Both need milk, and both need each other to be mothers, but both of them refuse to be mothers, so both of them are hungry. The biggest pain in communication is to live in our own logic, because our own logic is often verified repeatedly, so even if it deviates from reality, we will not hesitate to believe it. The result is that we are all the same. Duck said, a vicious circle, and in the end simply shut up. The marriage can only end hastily, and ended sadly. I believe that the purpose of each entering marriage is to pursue happiness, not just to maintain happiness. Happy families are roughly the same. The following points are sufficient for the three basic views and the so-called “three views”, Gorman The book wrote: In the strongest marriage, husband and wife have a strong consensus. They not only get along well, but also support each other’s hopes and ambitions, and regard this as a goal of their common life and respect each other. And be proud of each other. Knowing how to manage a marriage One of the worst reasons for the end of a marriage is that the couple did not realize its value in time, and when they gave up each other, they realized how much they really gave up. People often think that a good marriage is taken for granted, not something that needs to be nurtured, valued and urgently needed. Director Ang Lee once said: “I became a father and a husband of others. It doesn’t mean that I can get their respect naturally. I still have to earn their respect every day. If I decide to marry someone, maybe only It takes a moment of courage; but to protect a marriage, it takes a lifetime to go all out. Know how to communicate and be able to meet the core needs of the other party in communication. In the process of communication between partners, you must know the core needs of the other party. If every time The communication can meet the core needs of the other party, then the interaction with each other will become a virtuous circle. The relationship will become closer and closer, and vice versa, if every time your words are stuck on the other party’s pain or ignore the other party’s needs Quarrels and cold wars are inevitable. In life, we need to observe each other’s emotions, and use emotions as an indicator to find core needs, sum up the common ground of good emotions and bad emotions, and it is not difficult to find out the other’s needs Willing to face all kinds of problems together. Love is a matter for two people, and love to drink enough water; while marriage is a matter for two families, and it is inevitable to move from wind and snow to firewood, rice, oil and salt, facing all kinds of realistic pressures and problems. Two people have to work together. Facing the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, facing work pressure, facing financial pressure, facing the education of children, not only assume the role of parents but also the role of children, but also learn to open up their own space for husband and wife to create the sweetness and romance of life I believe that the beginning of a marriage must be beautiful, and only when the two parties continue to hurt it during the marriage process will it lead to the disintegration of the marriage. I hope that every couple can cherish each other, respect each other, and support each other~


By zhiwo

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5 months ago

As long as there is no harm to each other, it shouldn’t be the end. I don’t like you, but I haven’t developed to the point where I hate you. The husband and wife no longer trust, no longer communicate, no words. It’s usually because the opponent has shortcomings that he can’t bear, and he doesn’t get angry when he thinks about it. Disappointed to the extreme, will they treat the other person as air. There is a lack of “but” between the two. Although he has a grumpy temper, he still pays his salary. Although she is not beautiful and her figure is not good, she keeps her home very clean. Although he can’t make much money, he is very good to me and my children. Although she has a bad temper, she is very filial to her parents. Couples who have no words lack this “but” and a reason to make people nostalgic. Of course, the emotional state of two people is also very likely to be unequal, and the fragrance of home flowers is not as good as wild flowers. If you want to reconcile the relationship between husband and wife, you need to try more and try every means. You can listen to other people’s opinions more, because there will be limitations in your own thinking. Many people actually don’t want to change themselves, and sometimes it is difficult to realize where they need to change. For example, the most easily overlooked is the hot temper, not soft enough. People are very boring, boring to the extreme. Selfish, selfish to the extreme. Rough. Don’t know how to do what one wants. For example, a person likes to drink, but his wife refuses to drink. Try to change more, if it doesn’t work, forget it.

5 months ago

Judging from the divorce case I took over, this is a high probability. Recently, a client has done the same: the woman became a full-time wife after marriage, and all her life revolved around her husband, and she was very dependent on her husband. Every day when her husband came home from get off work, she would tell her husband all the grievances she had accumulated during the day. If he showed a little reluctance, she would suspect that her husband had an affair. Her husband was tired after get off work every day and didn’t want to go home to face the grievances, so he slowly began to make excuses for the party to return late. As time passed, the relationship between the two became weaker and weaker, and there was no communication and no words. In reality, simply relying on a high probability cannot lead to a happy marriage, and a strong husband and wife relationship should be managed together.

5 months ago

Love relationships are also interpersonal relationships. Trust is a very necessary basis, but if you don’t trust a boyfriend, we have to take a look first. It’s because the boys themselves do something that makes you feel sad and disappointed. Or because you violated the contract between you, the distrust that caused you, is it because of your own mentality or the mistrust that is deduced based on some clues. If it is the first type, what we have to do is to see if this matter has touched our bottom line. For example, some people encounter mistrust caused by cheating, and it is not an act, so choosing to break up and stop loss in time is our biggest suggestion. Because while young, we don’t need to spend time on such a person who doesn’t respect others, although the decision at the time was painful. But after you really separate, you will start a new life, and end the sense of loss caused by mistrust and the risk of not knowing whether you will make mistakes again in the future. But if it’s because of the first kind of distrust, but you still feel that the day has to go on. For example: The first beauty in Shanghai committed suicide by jumping from a building in the past two days. At this time, either the girl took the boy’s handle and announced the pros, cons and punishments to him. Measures, let the boys choose by themselves. If you commit a crime again, what kind of punishment will you receive; either the girl doesn’t care and continues to live her own life. The most miserable thing is that she has been patient but can’t let it go, until she accumulates sickness and then commits suicide. This kind of distrust must be resolved in time by finding a professional organization. But if it’s because of our own mentality or the mistrust that comes out of deliberation, what needs to be changed is: we first clarify why we have a crisis of trust. Some people have a low sense of security because of a bad family from a young age, and it will have a low sense of security for everyone. The feeling of distrust is easy to over infer because of trivial matters. Asking for confirmation from the other party time and time again, but this will cause the boys to be very tired. Over time, if boys really don’t continue to inform girls about their situation, girls will doubt and distrust it. This is actually caused by girls themselves. It is recommended that girls be more independent, attributable and perfect themselves. And after getting a few definite answers, try to eliminate your anxiety as much as possible and lay a positive influence on the relationship between the two people. Finally, trust is actually given by both parties through getting along with each other. If misunderstanding is caused by misunderstanding, we must communicate reasonably and speak the truth. Communication and expression are very important here. However, if the distrust caused by the real hammer or the difference in the three outlooks, resulting in an unconvincing contradiction, it is recommended that the distrust that cannot be repaired should be combined with the facts, and the separation still needs to be separated.

5 months ago

I remember someone asked me: Lala, after seeing so many marriages, what do you think is the most important thing in marriage? Or what is the most likely problem in marriage? I thought about it. It’s not derailment, domestic violence, or sexlessness, but communication. There used to be a question: What is the most desperate thing in marriage? Is her husband cheating? Fall in love with Xiaosan? Domestic violence? In fact, the most desperate thing is that the marriage of two people is more painful than one. The two people who slept on the same bed every day spoke the words that irritated each other’s weakest points with their mouths that could clearly say the vows of love. Of course, it is normal for two people to quarrel between partners, just like which tooth does not touch the tongue. I remember an interview with Zhang Zhilin, and I hurriedly asked: Who bowed your heads first in the quarrel between the two of you? Zhang Zhilin replied: The two of us often quarrel, and we often get awkward, but every time I bow my head first. Finally, don’t forget to tease: I am strong! In “Mount Desire” it says: “A soft tongue can also break a person’s muscles and bones. Language sometimes hurts people more than violence.” So why did it end up like this? In fact, when we are trapped in negative emotions, what we do with each other is often ineffective communication, because what we express at this time are all emotions, not our own affairs. The so-called invalid communication means that the core meaning is not expressed or hidden, and the emotions are only vented, but in the process of venting, they often hurt the other party. Usually when we vent our emotions, whether it’s yelling or quarreling, we often accuse and complain in the process. At this time, the communication between two people is no longer because of something, it becomes an emotional struggle. In the end, whoever’s emotions can suppress others, and whoever says can hurt others more. In fact, in an intimate relationship, two people quarrel sparingly, and the final result can only leave each other’s body incomplete, causing irreparable consequences. Because for a partner, we know the most vulnerable place of each other. Similarly, he also knows where our weakness is. At this time, once a quarrel, the two people will poke to death, and poke where the pain is the most. 1. Xiaoya has been sullen at work these days, and everyone around her knows that she must be in conflict with her husband again. Xiaoya is a quick temper, she can’t hide something in her heart, she always has to pour out her mind to be comfortable, but her husband is a master of rapport. The two often made trouble because of daily trivial matters, but they couldn’t quarrel, and they had a cold war. The cold war lasted for several days. This time it was because Xiaoya saw her husband putting dirty socks everywhere and was very angry. When Xiaoya communicated with him, he always said haha, “I know it was wrong, I will definitely pay attention next time!” The result is still going its own way. From dirty socks to children’s education, Xiaoya’s husband never refused to communicate, and said so bluntly that Xiaoya should be the master, but afterwards he complained that Xiaoya did not do it right here and there. Many men are unwilling to communicate with their wives because they always think that communication is a matter of quarreling, and find it very troublesome, so it is better not to communicate. There are also women who think that if a man is unwilling to communicate, she trusts her. In fact, it is a man who says “Listen to you well”, but they have deep grievances in their hearts. Although Xiaoya and her husband slept in the same bed, no one paid attention to them during the cold war. In fact, this also shows that true communication is to talk honestly and honestly, rather than perfunctorily. 2. In psychology, there is a “Festinger Law”, which says: 10% of life is made up of things that happen to you, and the other 90% is made up of what happened to you. How to react is determined. To put it more bluntly, it’s a big arguing and arguing. When there is a conflict between two people, if one party is better at communicating, then the matter can often be resolved properly. If there is no such thing, basically a small thing will become something that cannot be turned back. In a sense, a correct or benign quarrel can actually make the relationship between two people better, their needs for each other more clear, and they understand each other’s inner thoughts better. The violent communication we had during the quarrel was actually harmful to intimacy. In the end, it was either a big quarrel with each other or the end of the Cold War. After a long quarrel, the emotions were not resolved, and the problem was not resolved. , But my heart is still broken. So what exactly is violent communication? In other words, when we say something, the other person will be very uncomfortable after hearing it, which will cause the relationship between the two people to become very tense or even quarrel. In the end, it may turn into an enemy. This is violent language. Then we can cite a few violent words that are often spoken in ordinary marriage life: 1. Like to poke each other’s weakness. In many marriages, when two people quarrel, they like to use the most painful part of each other to say vigorously. The purpose is to stimulate the other party on the one hand, and on the other hand, she knows that it is the pain point of the other party and hopes that the other party will be softened. A little partner came back too late one night. The two had a dispute over the time to go home. In the process, the husband said something: Seeing that you grew up in a single-parent family, no one want! With this sentence, the little partner stopped talking, but it was precisely because of this sentence that she chose to divorce. Because for her little partner, her native family is the most vulnerable place in her life. Her parents chose to divorce when she was very young, and she grew up with her grandfather and grandmother, so she feels very inferior in her heart. When she heard these words, she felt that all her pride had been shattered at this moment. My husband came to me and said that he wanted to save it, because the attitude of the young partner was very clear, that he wanted to get a divorce. My husband felt that the matter was not that serious, so why did his wife go online. I asked him: Why did you say such a thing in the first place? He said: I actually just wanted her to shut up. When the husband finds a friend and wants to talk, the only thing the friend and husband say is: Do you know that there are some things you can’t say. It is conceivable that the husband did not understand herself at all; after saying that, the little friend chose to travel, and no one knew where she had gone. The husband asked a friend to ask, but the phone number was not answered, and the information was not returned. On the fifth day, when he found out that his little friend was going home, he slowly realized that this sentence was so hurtful. After the friends came back, I asked them to communicate with each other. Husband apologized to my partner very sincerely, and I said to him: Sometimes, you have to understand that the more talkative the person, the easier it is for you to use words to hurt people. You have to understand that this is an invisible form of violence. . So in the process of quarreling, poking at each other’s pain is undoubtedly a kind of verbal violence. 2. The quarrel is to vent emotions, not to solve the problem. In the process of two people’s quarrel, one or both parties often become more excited as they quarrel, and in the end it becomes you talking about you and I talking about mine. Girls like turning over old accounts very much, while boys especially like being silent. Under such circumstances, there is no doubt that the two of them are venting their emotions. In fact, the problem has not been solved at all. What the girl thinks is: I told you before, why do you still do this? What boys think is: I am also very angry about this, then I don’t want to make you so comfortable. With this mentality, two people are basically cheering on the fire, and I don’t know if you have noticed that the reasons for our quarrels are often trivial things in life, and it is hard to be because of some major events. So in fact, as long as one party gives a step down or The problem is solved very well if the service is soft. What is the scariest thing in marriage? The most terrible thing is not not love, but we obviously have each other in our hearts, but we are constantly consuming this relationship with each other until the two can no longer continue. So when we face a problem, we need to know what the problem is, not just vent our emotions, and learn to express our emotions. There is a big difference between expressing emotions and venting emotions: expressing emotions: it can be normal To express the harm and impact of this incident on me; to vent my emotions: I was the one who vented all my backlog emotions, whether it was this or not. 3. Be reasonable and not forgiving. You must let the other party back down. When two people quarrel about some trivial matters in life, just because it is a trivial matter, we think why the other party can’t let me? Do you have to care about such little things? And once he seemed to have some sense of reason, he was even more reluctant to give in, and had to force the opponent to surrender. At this time, it is basically a loss for both sides. 4. Like to turn over old accounts, there is no way to discuss things. Women especially like to turn over old accounts. They will record the bits and pieces of life. When a problem occurs, she will take out this book and quarrel with you. And often like to rise to a certain level. Maybe the other party is just late, and you think the other party doesn’t care about you; maybe the other party fell asleep because of being too tired, and you feel that he doesn’t love you at all; maybe the other party is too busy to reply to you, and you feel that he doesn’t have you in his heart… …Then in the course of such a quarrel, there is actually no meaning. We have often deviated from the event itself.

5 months ago

This is the common problem of “after-marriage aphasia” in most common middle-aged couples. The famous psychologist John Gottman is recognized as the “Marriage Pope.” Since 1986, he has conducted more than 700 couples in the “Love Lab” in Seattle’s Marriage and Family Research Institute for 40 years. Marriage relationship is tracked and a corresponding database has been established. In the final data center, there is a set of data that is worth considering for people in marriage. The data shows that among more than 700 couples, some couples divorced due to various relationships, and 80% of the divorces were due to quarrels and cold wars. Caused to be alienated from each other, and finally lost intimacy. In fact, there are many problems in marriage. Among them, the most emotional thing is the constant quarrel. During the quarrel, the cruel words spoken by the couple are like bullets hitting each other’s heart. How many cruel words are these words? Injury, the injury is permanent. When many people dream back in the middle of the night, they are lying next to their sleeping partner who is not attacking, but what reverberates in their minds is that when two people quarreled, each other gritted their teeth and said everything. All the emotions are wiped out at this moment. Compared with nonchalant words during a quarrel, the cold war when a partner does not exist without a word hurts the intimacy of lovers even more. A student before me complained to me that she didn’t know the meaning of her marriage: her husband got up every morning and squatted in the toilet for a long time to brush his phone, washed up before eating at the table, and then changed clothes and went out in the evening. After coming home from work and having dinner, either half-lying on the sofa to play games, or having an appointment with friends, go out to play mahjong, go home and take a shower when it’s time for bed to fall asleep, and the next day is a new round It’s not easy to take a vacation. He stays at home and plays games without going out. The two people say no more than ten words face-to-face a day. The record of the last chat on the mobile phone WeChat is still that he came back from a business trip a month ago and forgot to bring his keys. , Let the husband send the key home news. Apart from playing games and playing mahjong, my husband has no other bad habits. He pays monthly wages. When he never returns home for the night, he never carries himself on the phone and sends messages. In fact, the two people have no problems in every aspect. , But she is an exceptionally indifferent relationship between the two people, and her marriage is too unhappy. In her words, she was about to drown in this Dead Sea marriage. She asked me if there is any way to improve the relationship between the two. After listening to her complaint, I probably understood the problems of the two people in my heart. In fact, the situation of this student is the real life state of most middle-aged couples. Indifference. In our professional field, we call this situation “after-marital aphasia”. Psychologically call this situation a midlife crisis. It refers to the fact that after marriage, couples who were particularly close have become strangers and become the most “familiar strangers”. The reason why most couples have “post-marital aphasia” is also very simple, that is, communication problems. Some couples feel that there is no need to communicate every day, so they have said everything that should be said, so they don’t talk anymore when they have nothing to say. Some couples are too busy at work and under pressure. They just want to rest after returning home. Both of them are too lazy to talk, or one party wants to talk, but the other party does not have the energy and time to communicate, and refuses to communicate for a long time. The one who takes the initiative And gradually stopped talking. What’s more, there are some problems between the husband and wife, and the “aphasia” caused by the cold war that the two did not communicate and resolve. If you come to me to help you improve your husband and wife relationship, to be honest, it can be resolved but it will take a long time. Freezing three feet of ice is not a day’s cold, and the same melting of three feet of ice cannot be completed overnight. If you want to solve the “after-marriage aphasia”, you must not think about regaining your newly married state in one or two days. If someone tells you that she can help you solve the problem in the short term, it must be lying to you. If you want to solve the problem, you must first analyze the root cause of the problem, what caused the “post-marital aphasia” between your husband and wife. There are many cases and the space is limited. Lan Fang will give a few examples and give some suggestions. If you are currently You also have “post-marital aphasia” in your marriage. Take your specific situation and send a private message to Lan Fang. Because there are more private messages every day, you don’t need to be polite with Lan Fang. Come up and talk to the problem directly. I will see the private messages. The first time, professional analysis of your countermeasures. The example in the article is the most common phenomenon. The relationship between husband and wife is not broken, but there is nothing to say to each other. In fact, this situation is because of the normal psychology between husband and wife. One is that the two people already know each other very well. Tacitly, two people can understand without saying it, and reached a certain tacit understanding. For example, many husbands will show off. When I go home from work and look at my wife, she knows that I have eaten outside. However, this situation seems to be a good relationship between husband and wife, and there is a tacit understanding, so there is no need to communicate, but in fact, long-term non-verbal communication will affect the normal communication between husband and wife, and finally the two people will not know how to communicate. There will be “marital aphasia”. This situation is actually very easy to solve, because the couple does not have a “post-marriage aphasia” because of a bad relationship. As long as one of the parties is aware of the problem and actively communicates with the other party, the two parties reach an agreement and have something to say. Even if it is the content that can be conveyed by one eye and one movement, it is enough to communicate in words and form a communication habit. There is another situation where the couple feel that the two people spend a lot of time together, and they feel that there is no need to say some things every day, and some things can even be left unsaid. Over time, “post-marital aphasia” will appear. . In fact, this situation is ultimately due to the fact that there is no sense of urgency for communication between husband and wife, and there is no sense of need for communication. The corresponding solution is also very simple, creating a sense of urgency for communication and a sense of demand for communication. How to create a sense of urgency and need for communication? Xu Tianhong, a specially-appointed psychiatrist from the China Europe International Psychological Institute, once said: People in middle age will have the pressure of being old and those who are not. But even if they are busy, the husband and wife should spend a certain amount of time to adjust and create freshness. sense. It is best for the husband and wife to go out together on the weekend to find the initial romance and create a simple two-person world. Only when the husband and wife have a sense of freshness, will they have the motivation to communicate. Finally, Lan Fang wants to say, just as Christine Fan sang in “The Most Important Decision”: There is no shortcut to happiness, only business. I can teach you how to manage the relationship between husband and wife, and how to change the indifferent relationship between husband and wife, but if you are unwilling to put in energy and effort for a long time to manage, what you do in the short term will be useless.

5 months ago

It is still difficult to confirm whether it has come to an end based on this alone. Don’t trust each other anymore. Did you first distrust him or he distrusted you first? Through your description, I feel a bit like cold and violence. Obviously they are husband and wife, but they are living the lives of strangers. You must be doing this for a reason: cheating? Not motivated? Domestic violence? weak-minded? irresponsible? Often quarreled before? I don’t know the specific reasons, and it is not easy to give you a final conclusion. If necessary, you can follow up. It is very easy to give up a marriage relationship, but the painful thing is how to start a new life after giving up. Feelings are the greatest shortcomings and greatest strengths of human beings. Here is a word for you: Don’t wrong yourself too much. Let me give you another sentence: Don’t give up lightly, face the problem, find the cause, and solve the contradiction is better progress!

5 months ago

The tone and content of his speech made me feel that the harmonious movement between the two people is just a routine. Two salted fishes appeared in my mind, doing piston exercises. My marriage is in a period of fatigue. Sitting under one roof, I felt irritable. I wanted to say a few more words. I don’t know where to start. Those words are stuck in my throat. The last thought, forget it, there’s nothing to say… Two people If that happens, it starts to become less and less. 01 I understand very well that it is not time that defeats our marriage, but the beginning of blankness in intimate memories. I am not afraid that you will laugh at me. It has been almost two months for me and him to have a one-off life. We were eager before. Later, our life was like a hot pot with cold water, except for the white smoke, the temperature gradually disappeared. That night, I thought for a while, and still took the initiative to raise this matter. I took a shower and he sat on the bed and looked at his phone. I don’t need to look at it, I know I must be watching the game. Sure enough, I took a closer look and saw that it was indeed the case. This man sits next to me. He has been married for 11 years and he is also on his way to Bensi. But the years seemed to treat him very favorably. Without a beer belly, even though there are some fine lines on his face, after wearing the glasses, he looks more gentle, mature and steady. He just watched the game so intently. I deeply feel that men with hobbies are more attractive. “It’s been a long time since I handed in my homework…” I said to break the silence. Someone must take the initiative. He froze for a moment, then turned his head to look at me, then turned his head and stared at the screen again. “Wait, I have half an hour left in this one. I’ll finish watching this first.” At this moment, the spark that was igniting in my heart was extinguished. The tone and content of his speech made me feel that the two of them are just routine. There were two salted fish doing piston exercises in my mind. One of them is full of ball games and mobile phones in his head, and the other seems to be obedient but completely unconscious. Instantly lost appetite. Nothing happened that night. I feel very tired, but I can’t tell why I’m tired. l It may be that he turned his head to look at me, his eyes are not half interested and eager except for surprise; l It may also be that he is holding some breath in his heart, making trouble, it seems that I am a fourth person, immature and incomprehensible; l Maybe I found that he didn’t feel disappointed and lonely for me either. The two people finally came to the tired period of marriage. 02How long will it take to fall in love to grow old, I don’t know. I have read Shen Fu’s “Six Chapters of a Floating Life”, and I can hardly imagine what it is like that a man has always been in love with a woman. Maybe she disappeared when he still loved her, just like a movie, when I saw the most exciting place, I suddenly realized that there was a charge. The heart was about to move, hesitating. After finally making up his mind to renew the fee, the movie was taken off the shelves. The bottom of my heart is stunned, you know, regret, this movie, this person, can make myself unforgettable. “Love is not longing”, of course, is the evaluation of “Six Chapters of a Floating Life” by later generations, but modern people are living longer and longer, does it mean that we can love to the last person, less and less. 03 divorce? A full stop is not the solution. Just like the question of the subject, couples who have nothing to say, couples who no longer trust each other, should they divorce. In fact, it’s just like what the teacher Mingyue I met said to me, do you know why you have nothing to say? Do you know why you no longer trust each other? What is the conflict between you? Is the trust relationship traumatized after the return of the derailment? Is the promise given by the other party that has not been fulfilled? Is the one you love cheating on you again and again? Or do you end up in failure after trying to communicate? After decades of marriage, we will encounter any contradiction. But what I think is that it’s not easy to get together, anyway, I have to make the last effort for him, in case, there is still salvation. Step back ten thousand steps, I dare not say that the next one will be better than the current one, I can only make the life in front of me better. 04 We all need to save ourselves, marriage is like this, love is like this. I want to give a chance to marriage; I don’t want to change men; I want to get better in life, so I can only ask for help, please help. I wanted to know what went wrong with my marriage and how to treat the illness, so I wrote a private letter to Teacher Mingyue. At the beginning, Teacher Mingyue asked me a lot of questions, some of which I didn’t even find that he actually existed. Since when did our sex life decrease…How did I communicate with him before…What was his attitude towards me before…Have we had any intense conflicts or quarrels… Teacher Mingyue had preliminary communication with me. I found that two years ago, my husband and I still liked to travel and take pictures. At that time, we laughed very happily in the photos. The child was in elementary school and his parents also helped take care of it. We seemed to There is no major problem. Since my sex life with him decreased, the conversations have gradually decreased. A year ago, I was deeply influenced by my colleagues. They said that children should think about junior high school two years in advance, do their homework, and can’t lose at the starting line. So my heart is full of children’s junior high school, and the children can’t fall behind in their homework. Gradually, every time my husband wanted to talk to me, I was anxious about the child. When he wanted to make love to me, I also felt exhausted physically and mentally, and refused countless times. “Today’s parents’ group communication is exhausting, maybe next time.” “Today’s work makes me tired, and the child’s homework guidance is also annoying, next time.”…If Mingyue teacher doesn’t remind me of these words, I haven’t noticed me. Said it countless times in that year. The teacher gave me advice: positive communication + rebuilding intimacy + self-growth. I will share with you and encourage each other. 05 The road to repair is the first. I have a very bad habit of positive communication. I like to keep silent. Just like that time my husband said that after watching the game, I obviously minded, but I was bored and didn’t tell him. He also felt inexplicable, how could I stop it. The teacher suggested that I expose my feelings in the first person, express my fragile emotions, and awaken the other person’s second importance to me. After I go back, I will have a long conversation with my husband. “I want to tell you what’s in my heart, and I apologize to you. I’m sorry, I inadvertently ignored you for a long time.” I suffocated a lot of words and uncomfortable feelings, all in a statement way Gave him a listen. I thought I could not do it and wanted to write a letter or call, but after I went back to eat, I unknowingly gathered up the courage to say it. He was so surprised, he didn’t expect that my character could say so much. He also apologized to me, but he didn’t expect that I would feel sad because of the game, and he promised me that I would value my mood in the future. From that moment on, I knew that we were willing to communicate, and there was still a way to save it. Second, I am not a cheerful and outgoing woman to rebuild intimacy, and even because of family reasons, I still can’t let go. But the teacher slowly enlightened me and told me that sex is the joy of two people. Through sex, two people can learn from each other and grow together. The teacher gave me a lot of fresh suggestions. I didn’t even know that there are so many concepts such as postures, pre-sexual communication, and even post-sexual play. I now think back to the way he saw me when he took a shower that night. I was stunned, and I thought it was a bit funny. I haven’t seen him in so many years. Rebuilding intimate relationships not only involves sex, but also a sense of ritual. There are many couples around me, and there is almost no two-person world with children. Weekly appointments, traveling together, and watching movies together have all become past tense. With the advice and help of Teacher Mingyue, I developed an intimate link creation form. I share with you, it is actually a dating record. I want to write down the good feelings and at least give me some happy memories. Every time I am happy, my husband and I work together to create the happiness of marriage. Having a common goal and promoting empathy with each other is the effect I want. Third, self-growth is actually quite difficult. I’m a fourth person, and sometimes I still have to take care of my children. If it weren’t for my in-laws and in-laws to help, I guess I couldn’t insist. I want to learn more about the maintenance of husband and wife relationship. My husband looks very elegant and has good financial conditions. I am worried that there will be little girls coming up in the future. Although trusting each other is important, I think it is more necessary to plan ahead. Be able to understand their own marriage and control each other’s feelings. Knowing myself and knowing my husband actually makes me feel safe. At the same time, Teacher Mingyue suggested that I do yoga. I met a group of sisters who accompanied me to change slowly. Delay aging, improve my temperament, at least I will feel very happy. The world that I have never been in contact with before makes me find it very interesting. People always have something new. Above, I did not expect that I would write so much. I want to tell every brother and sister who is confused in the marriage that I see, if it can be saved, then try harder; if you make yourself miserable, then give yourself a relief . The following text is from the visitor. Barvary Nix said, “Marriage is a book. The first chapter is written in poems, and the rest are plain prose.” Since the passion period, our marriages are all on the downward slope of love, but marriage The relationship will undergo a qualitative change: love→→family + friendship = long-term company + habit can be saved, please be brave once and give each other a chance.

5 months ago

There have been media reports that 95% of Chinese marriages are improvised. The initial appearance of marriages is mostly because of affection, because of the good expectations of the other half, because of each other’s true feelings. But even so, two loving people will encounter various problems in their marriage. Every family has hard-to-read sutras, no matter whose marriage it is, there are very few smooth sailings. The following types of people are the easiest to make do with marriage! 1. Couples with children If there are children between the husband and wife, they will not walk so calmly when they want to divorce. Many women take care of their families and think about them a lot. 2. Property division after marriage. Some families are in a good family situation, and the husband and wife have some money, which may involve the problem of property division. How to divide the house, property, equity, etc. after marriage, how to divide, how much can I get? After weighing it up, I found that not divorcing is actually the best choice. 3. In this society, housewives who have no job and no skills are really not tolerant of women, and they are always embarrassing for women. Work, saying that you can’t take care of your family or bringing your baby; if you don’t work, you can concentrate on raising your children, and you say that you eat leisurely meals. It seems that what women do will not make people satisfied. Most women will not get better in their lives. Such housewives, because they do not have any skills, and are severely disconnected from society, they know that once they leave a man, their future survival may be very difficult, so they simply drag on and make do. 4. Influence on yourself Some people are a bit famous, they are leaders in their units, and good men in people’s eyes. 5. Utilitarian marriages are a minority. Some people get married for very utilitarian reasons. They will not leave if they do not get what they are satisfied with from the other party, and if they do not squeeze the other party dry. Marriage is built on the basis of loyalty and trust, where loyalty is the priority. One or both parties have committed unfaithful behaviors, and both parties feel that they cannot accept such behaviors. After the unfaithful behaviors, the relationship between the two The original trust in the period then disappeared, and they barely lived together. This behavior is like a thorn in the heart. In the future, the married life will be full of doubts and suspicions, which is not conducive to the healthy development of the marriage. If the marriage cannot be made possible due to some principled issues (disagreement of the three views, domestic violence, etc.), then we must act decisively, stop the loss in time, and minimize the harm in life. In any case, marriage is only part of your life, not all. Most people choose to get married because they can spend the rest of their lives together, so that in the days to come, someone can help you share the risks and face ups and downs together. If there is a problem in the marriage, then take a good look at the problem, communicate it with everyone, and see what the cause is.

5 months ago

Yes, it’s basically over. Marriage is actually a partnership between two people to start a company and form a mutual aid group to face this cold and crisis-ridden society. So marriage can be without love. The so-called love is more of a hormonal secretion of emotions, which usually fades away at most two or three years. Of course, two people getting along for a long time will produce so-called family affection. This can last a lifetime. Trust is one of the necessary conditions for partnership to form a mutual aid group. For a stable family, the general finances are all integrated. After distrusting each other, how will the finances be counted? So what is the significance of the existence of this mutual aid group. It can be said that even if several brothers start a business in partnership, as long as they do not trust each other and the finances are separated, then the business is basically not far from the separation, and the marriage company is no exception.

5 months ago

What is “marriage”? What do you think of “marriage”? Some people feel that even if two people are not in love and live on their own, it does not matter. As long as they are not divorced, as long as they are not known by others, as long as the children feel that their parents are together, that is enough. But some people think that “love” is the most fundamental cornerstone of marriage, and there is no marriage without love. If you are the former, as long as the other party is there, marriage will be there. If you are the latter, love is not there, marriage is not there. In fact, no matter whether the marriage is coming to an end or not, ask yourself, is this kind of life what you want? Are you willing to do this for a lifetime? If not, then try to change. Whether it is forcing yourself to communicate with each other, or leaving the house with luggage without hesitation. Don’t know what you want, then bravely put aside what you don’t want. A person may not know what he wants, but he can always know whether the life in front of him is what he wants!

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