I am a second-year girl, in a good junior high school, her grades are not bad, she has not fallen in the top fifteenth grade, twice first. Chinese is now above 135, Mathematics English is above 145, and the total score of eight subjects is first in the basic grade.
When I was in elementary school, I was like most of my classmates. Although I was excellent in mathematics, I was afraid and bored with “Olympics” and never showed any talent for mathematics. It wasn’t until the summer vacation of Xiaoshengchu that I came into contact with geometric proofs at home for seven times. From then on, I was obsessed with mathematics and became a class representative at school. In the first year of junior high, I was very passionate about geometry. The small dining table was chaotic. I sat on the stone steps diagonally opposite the school at noon in the name of arriving early to prove the theorems I learned before. The sum of the inner angle and 180, the sum of the two sides. Greater than the third side.. These seemingly naive properties have given me an initial understanding of mathematics research and established the dream of pure numbers. Thinking about it now, I really miss the mood at that time, calm, quiet, innocent, warm and beautiful.
The physics teacher in our class in the second grade is my most respected. He is not limited to taking exams, he has a deep understanding of mathematics and physics, he also deeply influenced and inspired me, and cultivated my initial academic thinking. He also appreciated my seriousness, hard work and passion, and explained obtuse-angle trigonometric functions to me. Later, I wrote some creative ideas as my first thesis. I also learned about the SCI paper division, the four major journals and PRL, and heard about arXiv, and I personally logged in to experience it. Last winter vacation, I first came into contact with number theory and proved a theorem a few nights. When I showed the process to the mathematics teacher expectantly, I was overturned by a few words. At that moment, I was really uncomfortable, but still resisted crying and nodded silently. That is the difficult and vast side of mathematics, presented to me for the first time.
This semester, I will have more in-depth exposure to mathematics, study high school mathematics in class, and understand complex numbers, derivatives, non-Euclidean geometry, and group theory outside class. I also started to study a mathematics monograph “Modern Euclidean Geometry”. Some friends may have heard of it. . Going farther and farther on the road of mathematics, I started to feel powerless. To be honest, in our school, as a girl, I don’t think there are a few boys who can completely crush me in mathematics. But what really left me at a loss was the sense of insignificance when faced with the huge peak of mathematics. I used to have unrealistic fantasies about mathematics because I only saw the tip of the iceberg.
The article I stumbled across a month ago, “Being an Ordinary Man in Peking University School”, also completely pushed my dream of mathematics into the cold valley, and also removed the climbing ladder.
I began to doubt myself. On the surface, everything was business as usual, and my grades did not decline, but my heart became sensitive, fragile, and confused. I even dreamed that I couldn’t solve the problem. I cried and woke up in the second half of the night. Until the last monthly exam, I only took 142 due to copying the wrong number. Fortunately, my Chinese was super-normal and saved me on the edge of the top ten. A classmate of our class took the 150 test, and then a math weekly test was not completed in the whole class. When the math teacher asked me, I casually replied that xx (the 150) did not finish. That day, I suddenly realized that this small monthly test failure made me subconsciously put myself in a position worse than others. I suddenly woke up and felt that my state was wrong.
I have always believed that mathematics is not for examinations. My dream has always been to become a mathematician like Galois. In my heart, he is a person who can really understand mathematics. He died in a duel at the age of 21, but he achieved a mathematics achievement that will be remembered forever: he founded group theory and proved that there is no general solution to equations of degree five or more.
But I also began to faintly, and more and more clearly know that I am not a genius, I have no extraordinary talent, and no keen sense of number. I suspect that I shouldn’t fall in love with mathematics, and it’s not suitable to take the road of research. But I was not reconciled to give up. After all, I vowed to devote my life to mathematics on the night of completing the trigonometric function thesis, without any regrets. And now, looking back on my naive belief two months ago, I feel like a world away.
I just want to know, without outstanding talent, can I grow into an ordinary mathematics researcher? Is it possible to realize the sincere expectation of physics teachers: I hope you can become an excellent researcher and let knowledge and ideas become our beliefs.
Mathematics has always been my belief, but the belief in “I can handle mathematics” has gradually dimmed. what do I do?