In 1996, a female student, a 985 undergraduate in Beijing, a top2 postgraduate major, graduated in 21 years. The first 25 years went smoothly. Whether it was college entrance examinations, undergraduate application for overseas exchanges, graduate studies, and academic research during postgraduate studies, the scholarships continued, but I never thought that the trough of life would appear in the autumn recruitment. Because I was persuading to leave my major, many of them switched to finance, but I was not too interested in it. I originally wanted to study for a doctoral degree. For various reasons, I decided to temporarily give up the academic path and didn’t want to be a student anymore, so I took the public examination in 2020. The selection wave has joined the selection army. After the start of the autumn recruitment, I was preparing for the selection while delivering to some state-owned enterprises. However, because of the high pressure of scientific research, less internship experience, and late preparation for the selection exam, I lost all the places I wanted to go. He has participated in Sichuan selection, Shandong selection, Shanxi selection, Zhejiang Qingbei selection, Zhejiang orientation 985 selection, Jiangsu famous school outstanding students, Shanghai selection, Beijing selection, Tianjin selection, Chongqing selection, Hebei selection, national examination and Beijing examination, etc. In a province in the central part of my hometown, due to the high pressure of the college entrance examination in my hometown, I have never had the idea of returning home to the provincial capital and other provincial capitals in the north for employment. Due to geographical considerations, the Greater Bay Area and the west were not considered before, so many places choose It was used to practice hands, so after the written interview, I successively gave up positions in Sichuan, Shandong, Shanxi, Hebei and other places. The cities I initially considered were Beijing and Jiangsu and Zhejiang (only Hangzhou and Nanjing). The former is used to staying for so many years, and the latter is due to various considerations of personal preference, housing price and the cost-effectiveness of civil servants. However, the national exam and Beijing exam interviews were brushed, the excellent students of Jiangsu famous schools did not enter the exam, the Jiangsu Provincial exam, the Guangdong selection and the Beijing exam conflict, the Zhejiang exam did not enter the first time, and the second time I applied for the exam for stability. I like a job that has no future, so I gave up during the interview. I was exhausted all the time, and finally, under the pressure of the other party’s constant urging and the eagerness of my family to be a civil servant, I handed over three parties to a municipality, but I was not satisfied with the city and job position. The house price was low and the salary was low. The economic development is getting more and more collapsed. If I can’t choose the city straight starting point, I will be half shorter than the other classmates, and I will be in a different place with my boyfriend. If I want to recruit someone else in the spring, I get the news that the school will not let the three parties ruin the selection; I want to postpone the job search and the family disagrees, feel too risky and the selection is getting more and more difficult; I want to resign and go to Jiangsu and Zhejiang after doing it first. Shenzhen started from the beginning, but her boyfriend’s national entrance exam is ashore, and there is a high probability that he will stay in Beijing and go to Buwei; seeing every option in life is crossed, every day is filled with a deep sense of powerlessness, and he doesn’t want to negotiate with the man for five years. My friends break up, and I don’t want to let myself spend the rest of my life in a city with mediocre development and few family and friends. Top2 has too many auras and too many labels. There are always people who think what you should and shouldn’t be, and they will unconsciously care about the evaluation and vision of people around you. Seeing that the usual classmates who are average in all aspects are recruited to the strong departments of the developed regions, they still unconsciously compare their selections. I have been persuading myself to live in my hometown, but because of my innate ambition, I can’t reconcile myself well. I can’t attribute the current results to others, but in the interview process, I can still feel that gender is indeed a big consideration under the same conditions, but more importantly, I have not done a good job planning, city, and job selection before. And other aspects of the investigation. For example, plan ahead and do more student work to get a central election qualification. You should not go for an internship during summer vacation and should go back to school to review the test; understand the information in advance: the price ratio of civil servants in the Pearl River Delta is countless higher than Beijing, although there are no friends or relatives in the city. It is also very strange, but at least the development is good and the climate is good. The sand and dust in Beijing this spring is almost sending people away. The current plan is to go to work and continue the buwei selection. I don’t know if it’s feasible, but when I think of Beijing’s life pressure, the high housing prices need two families to dig out six pockets. The climate is so bad, the commuting time is long and the salary is low. With a series of shortcomings, and instantly feel hopeless in life, why do I still have to come to Beijing in the end? In such a short and limited life, why can’t I go to my favorite city with the person I like, do a more promising job, and lead a relatively comfortable life. Probably I have too much expectation and insufficient ability. A loser’s gibberish late at night. No matter what, we still have to face life, try not to humiliate the school, try to do something practical for the masses, and try to make all of our choices correct.